My Top 10 Soundtracks

I did my Top 10 Albums before, but there were a few that I purposely left out of the list and even from the honorable mentions because I believe they deserved an entirely different list: Soundtracks. They are usually an eclectic arrangement of songs that embody the movie; it is an art form all by itself. There are many that have one or two songs but the rest can be a bit vague, but some are simply brilliant, from beginning to end. Here are my favorites:

10. The Crow - It's dark but has some pretty awesome songs from The Cure, Stone Temple Pilots, NIN and Rage Against the Machine, to name just a few.

9. Mallrats - I don't know what I like better, the songs or the dialogue segments in between them. They all consist of "deep and meaningful" observations from Jason Lee, JEREMY LONDON (cough, cough) or Jason Mewes taken from the movie.
"But they're engaged."
"Doesn't matter. It can't happen."
"Why not? It's bound to come up."
"It's impossible. Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee she blows a lobe like a shotgun right through her back."

8. The Lion King - I had to put one in here, and although I have most of the Disney movies' soundtracks, if I had to choose just one, it would have to be this one. No contest. Hakuna Matata.

7. Dirty Dancing - The odd thing about this soundtrack is that practically all of the songs, on their own, I would NEVER have listened to, but since they're in this movie, all I can picture is Baby & Johnny and my heart melts. Sylvia? Yes Mickey!

6. Singles - Two words: Seattle grunge.

5. Pump Up The Volume - Wave of Mutilation. Picture it: It's the late 80s and Christian Slater is on top of the world.

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula - It seems as though I could never study with music that contains lyrics because I just start singing along and lose all concentration, so I used this soundtrack all throughout University as my study music . . . and for some sexy times, of course.

3. Pulp Fiction & Reservoir Dogs - Sorry, but these two go together; they always will.

2. William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet - Some pretty awesome songs on here - a really well put together, kick-ass album that pounds throughout the movie like hallucinogenic drugs screaming through your veins.

1. Moulin Rouge - I quote movies in my every day vocabulary... a lot. But this is a movie that recycles songs to express their feelings? Oh my lord, that's just taking it to a whole new level. Plus, Ewan McGregor is singing - I can't see anything else topping that; neither can Mr. Purple. AHEM.

Honorable Mentions:
If Lucy Fell - They used the entire album by Marry Me Jane as their soundtrack. If you like Alanis Morrisette and Sheryl Crow, Marry Me Jane is wedged nicely in between them. Fabulous!

Shine - If I'm ever in a Classical mood, I'll put in the soundtrack to this movie. I thought Geoffrey Rush was brilliant in this movie, and the piano solos took my breath away, especially the 'Flight of the Bumble Bee' scene in the restaurant.

Heathers - Yes, there is a soundtrack. It is all instrumental and completely consists of 80s synthesizer riffs. If you love the movie, as I do, (that especially means you, SAHMlovingit) you will laugh so hard at all the dramatic tsh-tsh-tsh...ka-ka-ka's throughout the arrangements. I must admit, I don't really listen to it, but it's one I'm glad that resides in my collection.


Which ones would make your list?

Craft Whores, Of Course

Here we go, people! It's time to link up your Craft Whore creations (from now until September 20th). Check out The Suniverse and The Bearded Iris for all the juicy details on the prizes and who are the highly esteemed judges. Well, they are definitely esteemed, still not 100% sure about the high part, but nevertheless, they agreed to do it.

One of the only best things about being an art teacher was having my own dark room and kiln. I was sad to say goodbye to all that free access and almost unlimited state-funded supplies when I left the teaching profession, but there you have it. Then, about 6 months ago, I made a new friend... I mean, an IN REAL LIFE friend, you guys! I know it's hard to believe but it totally happened. PLUS, she's a potter, with her own shop, studio, kiln -- the motherfucking works!

She's like a friend with benefits, 

but in a clay way, not in a gay way.*

Between my new found friendship with ceramic perks and this upcoming crafting challenge, I decided I'd through my hat back into the pottery game and make some vagina candle holders. Why candle holders, you ask? Because I remembered these wise words:

So, of course I'm going to make special vagina candle holders! It's one of my most favorite analogies, thus making my choice fairly easy, once I really thought about it.

Look! It's like she's glowing... 

Not surprisingly, they were quite enjoyable to make and pending that these beautiful little bitches survive the final glazing process, they will be all smooth and shiny! Since I hand sculpt them (and being true to life), no two will be exactly a like. Ahem.

I have offered one of these up for a prize in this fabulous contest. Plus, if you want to buy one completely apart from the contest, please leave a comment below or send me an email and I will make more and hook you up.

Remember, Christmas is coming, yo!

Nothing says that you care quite like a vagina candle holder.

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* Flight of the Concords joke. If you haven't seen this, please do - right here, now. GO!
OK, maybe leave a comment first, but then go.

Boobies, boobies... rah rah rah!

In honor of it being LGBT week, I wrote about the first time I experienced a same-sex couple and my reactions that followed. Please check it out - I am kinda proud of this one and shit...

Shhh. I don't say that often. It's much more fun mocking myself.

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Secondly, I was informed of an awesome charity with a bit of pizzazz. I know there's loads of Breast Cancer charities, but when I saw the wrist bands for this one, I laughed out loud... and then proceeded to buy four.

Also, I've got a weakness for cleaver branding and company names, like The Keep A Breast Foundation.
Oh my gawd. I love it!

As I've mentioned in the past that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, which makes up one half of the charities I support with my whole heart (ironically, the other half being Heart & Stroke, having lost my father to heart disease). That wasn't meant to be funny, it just came out that way. You get the idea.

But seriously, how cool are these? And really... who doesn't love motor boating?!

Also in this set? NICE JUGS, FUNBAGS and NICE MELONS.

If you want to support this charity in a fun way and wear something a little cheeky, you can buy them here.

Who knows, perhaps I'm the last person in North America to hear about this foundation, 

but I thought I'd share my excitement anyway. 

YAY FOR BOOBIES!

5 Ways to Improve Your Blog

Alternate title: Blog formats that annoys the living fuck out of me.

I don't often go on about blog layouts because I understand that it's not something that comes naturally to most people and it can be a very difficult thing to learn. I have been designing and coding websites for over a decade, so I think I know a thing or two - but even still, word press and blogger can have me up at 4am trying to figure out some ridiculous motherfucking glitch.

Apart from the golden rule that applies to most things: Keep It Simple, Stupid (or KISS), there are a few things that I think are design NO-NOs which are all easily avoidable. Please, for the love of all your readers, abide by them. OK? Thanks.

1. COLOR 
It is so important when choosing a look and feel for your blog. I don't care if your absolute background is piss yellow with poo brown smeared all over it (obviously, that wouldn't look pretty, but stay with me here), it is the color combination of your body copy background and your text that is key. There is a reason why most books are black text on white paper - because it's EASY TO READ. Some might seem OK for short lines or words, but for paragraph after paragraph, it can be straining on the eyes - even white on black can get annoying.

Here's a diagram that you won't see in any web design text books (because it's just too awesome).

2. FONT
I'll be honest here and say that if a blog has a funky font for the body of copy, 9 times out of 10, I will leave (the exception being an added photo of a questionable nature that would make me stay for a perv). Stick to the standards - again, because they are proven to be the easiest to read. If your default font is not on this list, the odds are that it's probably obnoxious. Sorry, but it's likely the case.

3. ALIGNMENT
When buttons and ads are wider than the column that they are residing in. UGH.
OK, so this might be a bit trickier to fix for the non-coder, but I'll try to make it really simple.

1. Turn on the HTML view of your widget.
2. Find the dimensions in the <img> code. It will look like this: width="250px" height="250px"
3. As long as you keep the ratio of the dimensions the same when you shrink it, it will still look OK, so change it to width="200px" height="200px" (or smaller if you find it's still over-lapping).

4. BLOG ANIMATION
If your blog is snowing, I will not ever, ever return to your blog.
Not ever.
Not even in July.
Whomever created that code needs to be strung up by his short and curlies and whipped with a dead fish.
Anyone who uses that code should be made to eat that fish after the beating is complete.

5. DON'T TRY TOO HARD
Don't try to make your blog look like Martha Stewart because the more crap you put on it, it will look more like Anna Nicole Smith, (either alive or dead). Referring back to my first point, just keep it simple. If you don't know how to do something, ASK! Putting up something that doesn't work or looks like shit doesn't reflect well on you and will take away from your writing. Twitter is awesome for this too. There's tons of people that would be willing to help you out with an issue or two; all you have to do is ask.

Remember, as much as some want to deny it, for the most part, and for whatever many different reasons we do it, blogging is a hobby. And just like any other hobby, it can cost a few dollars here and there. If you're willing to spend $100 on a purse that you probably don't need, invest that money into your blog instead and get it done by a professional. It will be worth every penny.

If you don't have cash to put towards your blog, just use a basic, clean template. Easy peasy!
And after all, at the end of the day, it's about what you write, so write well and enjoy your blog.

"It is a piece of shit. But don't worry, I don't even have a piece of shit; I have to envy yours."

~ Ferris Bueller

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This (belated) post is for The Great Blogging Anniversary Linkup in honor of my dear bloggy friend Sweaty. Congrats on your first year - I know it's not been an easy ride.

There's shit going on, yo!

I don't often do these "lots of shit in one post", but it's about that time again. Why? Because I've got lots to tell you. Little things that all make up one nicely wrapped post, like a delicious buffet, but without the salmonella, so even better!


On Thursday, I had my first post published over at In The Powder Room. It's good times over there - I highly recommend you check it out. Did I mention I'm discussing penises? Oh yes, how could I forget. I thought it was fitting for my initiation post. Ahem.


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Secondly, I had a little link up last month. It really started out as a joke, so the fact that I actually got ANYONE to link up means I consider it a success.

It was in retaliation to all the annoying NoBloPoMo or whatthefuckever was riddled all over The Twitter for the entire month of November where you have to write a certain quota of words toward a novel (or some shit like that, I tried to tune it out). Anything where you're filling a quota of some sort that involves creativity really gets on my nerves. So, I had my fellow (awesomely warped) bloggers to link up for WWTFIFLF; definition on the badge. --->>

Anyhoozle, guess what? I can pick my nose and I can pick a winner, but sadly, I can't pick my winner's nose... which SUCKS, because I would be honored to pick Jill's nose. Wait, whut? She did enter twice, so maybe that improved her odds.

Congrats, Jillsmo! 

Visit my shop and tell me what the fuck you want and it's yours. YAY! Please try to contain your excitement to the end of the show. Thanks.


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I also got a book in the mail last week. You may have heard of her - Scary Mommy? Oh, hell yes! I haven't had time to read it from cover to cover, but I have cracked the spine to read confessions such as:
"My kids know all the words to every Eminem CD."
"My kid was imitating me today. 'Slap my ass,' she yelled, and I suddenly realized I didn't imagine the figure in the doorway last night as my husband and I did the deed. OMG"
"My husband says I am his best friend...I love him, but friendship-wise, he doesn't even make my top-ten list."

And it goes on. It's so fabulous. I cannot wait until I can get all the voices in my head to stop screaming for a few hours so I can actually read it properly.

Thanks, Jill.
a.k.a. Scary Mommy

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And finally, I've been meaning to post these for a while now, so I'm taking this opportunity to showcase them all at once. Whether you know already or not, I am a graphic designer. From 9-5 my job can be tedious as fuck, so I enjoy doing weird (often fantastically nerdy) designs for t-shirts, among other projects. I do have my shop, but those designs are directly relating to whoring out this blog. I have a few more general blog/social media designs that I give to Tim over at Sogeshirts. If you like any of them, please go have a visit and check out what he's got (which is a lot).

Here is a sampling of the ones I have done:

So, please go visit In the Powder Room and Sogeshirts, and tell them I sent you!

~ Love and smooches ~

11 Blasted Questions

I said, I said, I said, gawd damn you, Leighann! In all honesty, I loved that she emailed me ahead of time and politely asked me to not hate her for what she was about to do. (Twisting imaginary handlebar mustache) We shall see, Leighann. Weeee shhhall seeeee.

So, here are my answers to that bloggy chain shit thing...

1. There are $3 cupcakes in the supermarket but you have everything to make them at home. What do you do?
Do I look like motherfucking Betty Crocker? I would buy the $3 ones, every time. Wait. Is that for a dozen,  or are they $3 each? Never mind. It just means I'd buy less, like one or two, instead of a dozen.

2. How many pairs of jeans do you own?
This is a bit of an open ended question. How many do I OWN? Probably about a dozen. How many don't fit? 8. How many have giant holes in the crotch? 3. So, that leaves one pair that are currently wearable and I can do up the fly without a pair of pliers.

3. Can you pass up a sale?

Depends on what the sale is for, but for the right thing? No. Sales are my kryptonite. I'll buy 3 things for $40 even if I didn't need any of those 3 items. I come by it honestly - it was passed down to me by my grandmother. My mother slowly shakes her head when the two of us 'sale whores' get together. I also used to use it to manipulate my grandmother last week when I was younger; if I wanted something, I would tell her it's on sale and I would get it almost every time.

4. When is the last time you stood up for a stranger?

I guess I'm a terrible person, because this one has got me stumped. I did, however, stand up to open the hood of my car last week. I helped a stranger boost his car. Does that count? I'm going to go ahead and say yes.

5. What is your pet peeve?
A. Blog chains.

B. Odd numbers

C. The fact that I'm having to pop zits on my face every night like I'm still 14. It's bad enough when it splats on the mirror, but when the pressure is so much that it rebounds back on to my face like banana cream pie? Yeah, that right there. Pet peeve.

6. What is your favourite quote and what does it mean to you?

"What you call insanity, I call inspiration." - Sue Sylvester 

I think it kind of sums me up quite successfully. It's also possibly the best thing that has ever come out of Glee among all those annoying douche muppets.

7. Have you ever had a speeding ticket? Did you try to shamelessly get out of it?

Here's the thing: I may or may not have received a speeding ticket in Upstate New York. The fact that I wasn't supposed to be in the U.S. makes it somewhat of a sticky situation. I will never confirm or deny the truth. Nor will I ever admit to being so nervous that I almost vomited all over the possibly hypothetical State Trooper. Ahem.

8. What fashion DON’Ts did you participate in and STILL secretly love?

I love my Crocs. Fuck you. And you. And you too! Come to think about it, their soles are wearing a bit thin. I need to get a new pair shortly. Maybe I'll photo journal the entire fashion crime in progress. Yeah, baby!

9. How many keys are on your key ring?
I have a lanyard that holds my house key, mail key, car key... and a USB stick. I never leave home without one of those - like a true nerd.

10. Why do you blog?

Because I'm a narcissist that is losing my mind. I thought it would be good to write down all the skanky things I've done before I forget it all. What I never expected is the sense of community and support among other bloggers. This was truly a pleasant and, as it turns out, much needed surprise.

11. What is your sign and do you fit its description?

Seriously? It's a real shocker. I'll let you be the judge:

You have a strong sense of righteousness and are upright, courageous and ambitious. You enjoy a very high stamina. Your arresting personality and jovial nature enhance your popularity. High impacting individual, determined and proud you put across your views and ideas confidently and with an air of authority. Blessed with leadership qualities, you have a strong urge for success and recognition. You tend to put your relationships on high pedestals which makes it easier for loved ones to disappoint you when they fall off. You tend to dominate others with your magnetism and can be haughty, impatient and egoistic.

Yeah, all that and a bottle of lube.

Anyhoozle. Going back to my answer for #5, these chains are totally one of my pet peeves. In fact, last year, I created the STD Award in honor of my hatred for them. I will not be passing this particular one on to anyone. Suck it (I think everyone's got it anyway). BUT, if you haven't got an STD from me and you want one, I am totally willing to pass that on. All you have to do is ask... and come unprotected, of course.

The Lie of Happiness: An Illustrated History

I have put session number two of my journey into Crazytown in the bag. Done and dusted. There are so many little stupid things, (along with some fairly major things, I'll admit) that when added all up, seem pretty fucking over-whelming. The longer I talk to other women, both my own age and many from my mothers generation, and even my 90 year old grandmother, it is becoming clear to me that it's not such a new symptom that I originally blamed on this "hyper generation". We have always been miserable and slightly insane, but it's only until recently that we have been willing to share and admit to these feelings.

In short, Mrs. Cleaver was full of shit. She was probably in the kitchen popping Prozac while cleaning up after the Sunday roast she so meticulously prepared as a result of her raging OCD. Just take a look at Bree Van de Kamp - unraveling at the seams of her panties, but her pearls have never hung more perfectly.

We are all a little messed up in our own special idiosyncratic ways. It's just a measure of how much of ourselves we admit to others and expose our vulnerabilities. That's what Twitter is for, right?

Anyways, here is what I think these women were REALLY thinking...

"I've been married 3 times and still never had an orgasm; this is why I drink." 

~ Muriel

"That shower is way better than him. Every time."

~ Ruthie

"I'm going to stick my head in the oven tonight. I mean, say 'Cheese!'"

~ Audrey

"I hate vacuuming, like, seriously fucking hate it, motherfucker."

~ Beth

"I just gave him a blow job, not because I liked it, but because I'm bored."

~ Judith

"I'm so fucking horny that even this cactus is turning me on."

~ Connie

And I guess I shouldn't leave out this guy either:

"Sex with my wife makes me ill. I try to imagine she's Ben from next door."

~ Jerry

And now I have the urge to watch gay porn and eat ice cream...

Who's a big boy?

I'm supposed to be taking a break this week, but I just couldn't stay away. Ya know why? Because it was Brandon's birthday. Gawd fucking dammit, I do love birthdays. And I also love Brandon, so really, I had no choice. This one's for you, darling.

Also? It's February 1st. Yay! Ya know what that means? 

It's #WWTFIFLF Month. 

I've made a widget because I'm a keener like that. Add it to all/any of your posts this month and link back here. 

Why? Because it's wonderfully pointless... and it has a swearzie, so it's automatically awesome. 

I MAY BE CHOOSING A RANDOM WINNER TO GET COOL SHIT. 

WE SHALL SEE...

Coming up on Friday is Foxy and a great guest post about sex, marriage and finding those little moments.

<a href="http://adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com/2012/02/whos-big-boy.html" target="_blank"><center><img border="0" width="180" height="180" alt="Adventures in Estrogen" src="http://adventuresinestrogen.com/images/2012/WWTFIFLF.jpg"/></center></a>

<a href="http://adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com/2012/02/whos-big-boy.html" target="_blank"><center><img border="0" width="180" height="180" alt="Adventures in Estrogen" src="http://adventuresinestrogen.com/images/2012/WWTFIFLF_2.jpg"/></center></a>

Look. Twins!

ZzzzOMG, you guys... 
One goes in my computer; the other up my pooter!

I cannot begin to describe the excitement I experienced when I saw a bowl of these

sitting on the counter at the Best Future Staples place. I obviously had the pocket bullet already 

(it came with my strap-on dildo - isn't that so friggin' nice of them? Ahem), so when I saw its kindred spirit, I lost my shit. 

They are now together, but have no fear! They will never be confused with each other.

Remember, I'm a mother of twins; I've got this shit covered. Pssfftt.

And yes, I'm easily amused.

Hohum: A poem

Hohum my chum,
Hohum my chum,

Please keep away from my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

I do not like it up my bum.

Would you like it here or there?

I would not like it here or there.

I would not like it anywhere.

I do not like it up my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

Would you like it with my thumb?

Would you like it with some rum?

I would not like it with your thumb.

I would not like it with some rum.

I do not like it here or there.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like it up my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

Would you do it with some lube?

Would you like it if I squeezed your boob?

I would not do it with some lube,

And what the fuck does squeezing my boob

have anything to do with wanting to put your dick up my ass?

Anyways...

I would not like it with your thumb.

I would not like it with some rum.

I do not like it here or there.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like it up my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

Say! In the dark?

Here in the dark!

Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

If you could not, would not 

let me try that route,

Then could you, would you, up MY shute?

I would promise not to toot.

I would not do that up your shute.

And, oh my fucking god, the fact that you bring up tooting

is the exact reason it's so repulsive.

A queef? Sure. But a toot? Heinous!

Anyways...

Not that route. Not up your shute.

Not in the dark.

Don't leave your mark.

Not with your thumb. Not with some rum.

I will not do it here or there.

I will not do it ANYWHERE!

I do not like it up my bum.

I do not like it, Hohum my chum.

You do not like it. So you say.

Try it on me! TRY ME!

And you may.

Strap it on and you may, I say.

Hohum!

If you will let me be, I will try it.

You will see...

SAY!

I like it up your bum!

I do! I like it, Hohum my chum!

And I would fuck you here and there.

And I would fuck you anywhere…

And we could do it in the dark.

And with some lube. 

What the hell? Go ahead and squeeze my boob.
I do so like it up your bum!

Thank you!

Thank you, Hohum my chum.

For showing me it's good, so good, you see!

But still...

You ain't ever fucking doing that to me.

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Thanks to Brandon (Lost in Idaho) for nominating me for Dudettes: The X-factor. Yay! Smooches ;) 

That Beautiful Insanity

It's about that time that I need to do one of my not at all famous triple run-down of shit that's been going on and also this time, it's to spill a little bit of beans about a project I have been working frantically on.

Firstly, the last Monday Music Moves Me that I did was 2 weeks ago. It was for Mary Me Jane, and it was a song called Twenty-one. Then, last week, I got a giant comment to which I first scanned through quickly as I was a bit confused but then I calmed down and re-read it, realizing it was actually from Amanda Kravat, the lead singer from Mary Me Jane. Holy Mutha Fucking Shit! It was awesome and a real honor to have her check out what I had to say and for HER to actually thank ME for posting it. She's so lovely! No, Amanda. Thank YOU for writing such powerful lyrics and incredible songs that I have loved for so many years. I cannot wait to hear your new material, truly!

Secondly, although I have been dropping hints every now and then about actors, filming, and vague references to videos on The Twitter, I am, in fact directing and producing a music video this week, starting tomorrow! More importantly, the concept of the video is based on my story of Jim - our past and the 'alternate ending' I had written. It's all so very exciting and also ridiculously over-whelming. If I ever post again after today, you'll know I've remotely survived this experience.

Thirdly, this week's theme is School. I'm sure there are others that I'm not thinking of at the moment. My mind has pretty much been on a single track until this week is over, so after thinking of this song almost immediately, I was done. Not only is it another song from my Canadian boys, Hedley (whom I've mentioned before here) but this song is about how we grow up too fast. It reminisces on when we were young and 'how cavalier we use to be, that beautiful insanity'. I think considering the content I will be immersing myself into for the next 4 days, I believe it's perfect.

I just hope I remember to breathe!

Marry Me, Jane

This week's theme for Monday Music Moves Me is bands that start with M. Well, two of my favorite band begin with M, so I thought it was going to be a no-brainer - Machine Gun Fellatio and Marianas Trench. The problem is that I didn't want to be a broken record, since I have used both of them in past features already.

I can be repetitive in my day-to-day life so I am making an extra effort not to be repetitive on this site. So, I dug a littler deeper.

Then I remembered Mary Me Jane.

Their album was used as the soundtrack for If Lucy Fell, which is probably one of my favorite video store rental discoveries, ever. It came out in 1996 with a cast of Sarah Jessica Parker, Eric Schaeffer, Ben Stiller, Elle Macpherson, and even a 12 year old Scarlett Johansson makes a minor appearance.

"It's not symbolic. It's pretty spelled out!"
Another awesome scene between SJP and Ben Stiller
[credit: Movie-Roulette.com]

The dialogue is funny and honest and although the story line is rather transparent and predictable, it is a great romantic comedy. It also emits many pre-Sex in the City vibes. Every time I listen to my Mary Me Jane soundtrack, I think of the parts in the movie that used those songs and I fall in love all over again.

Oh, and it's about artists. Bonus points right there.

Joe (Eric Schaeffer) is infatuated with Jane (Elle Macpherson) who lives in the adjacent building. He can see her through his window and he stalks paints her enough times that he holds an entire art show with all these paintings of her - just so he can invite and finally meet her after 5 years of supposedly being "in love" with her.

He is dorky and awkward and I absolutely love him in this movie –
he is the perfection of an antihero.

One of my favorite conversations from the movie:

Jane: I love your paintings.
Joe:  Really?
Jane: Yeah, really.
Joe:  Can I ask you something?
Jane: Yeah.
Joe:  Are you involved with anyone?
Jane: Yes.
Joe:  Who?
Jane: Him. (She gestures to the man in the painting entitled 'Limp Dick Man')
Joe:  Really?
Jane: He does have quite a limp dick. But he gives the best damn head ever.

And then Joe gives THEE best shocked/turned on/recoiled expression that I cannot even describe accurately.
Just watch the movie... and of course, enjoy the music as well.

It's So Agrestic

OK, so this week's Music Monday Moves Me is to post my favorite TV theme song. Oh good lordy! Where do I begin, let me count the ways... or rather, erm, versions.

It's all about the WEEDS, people. My favorite TV song in a long, long time. Of course, I could list all the 80s and 90s songs that I also loved so much, but I already strung together a poem tribute for those a short while ago. If you missed that crap gem, check it out here.

Back to WEEDS.

There are many versions. In fact, every episode had someone different performing it. How fabulous is that? It was that little something extra to look forward to at the opening of each new show.

Here are a few of my favorites; and because I'm trying really hard not to be bias, I'll also include some links that although I personally didn't luuuurve, I'm sure some others might. See how fucking generous I was just now? Remember that!

Every.Single.Version. with the actual show intro scene are all blocked from embedding - how rude. I'll just give you some links instead - and I hope you take it from there. This is the version by Linkin Park - it's acoustic and even though his name is unfortunately Chester, his voice does wild and wonderful things to my lady bits.



It was originally written by Malvina Reynolds in 1962. Weeds used this original for the first season, and then began using the various covers for the following seasons.

There is also the Death Cab for Cutie version that is also fantastic - a little more plugged in and rocking.

Maestro Charles Barnett did an instrumental version. When I hear it this version, the irony flows easily and abundantly.

Of course, Elvis Costello's rendition - because - he's fucking Elvis Costello, dudes!

Other versions include:
Jenny Lewis and Jonathan Rice - Nice duet, but doesn't rock my socks. Meh.
The Individuals - Although I appreciate the Hip Hop vibe, his voice scares me a lil' bit.
Persephone's Bees - Nice to see a multicultural twist in there, I like it! Also? Persephone? Like Jeremy's Pegasus? Score.
Angelique Kidjo - All I have to lovingly say is: Ticky tacky ticky tacky hummm.
Billy Bob Thornton - If you like country... umm, yeah.

There are so many other versions. If you are a fan of Weeds and I left out your favorite intro, I'm sorry...
No. I'm not, actually. Do I look like iTunes? No.
I'm much prettier and I don't retain unnecessary bullshit.

Happiness In Boxed Canvases

The Innocent Can Never Last

Yay!! Pamela got her Cunt Dragon mug last week for being such an awesome fan/supporter/reader/friend - as well as a lucky bitch, since it was a random draw. It was so damn meant to be, for sure!

I know Ms. Gold wasn't an ivory flower went we met, but I'll like to think that I've further assisted with her travels towards the path of down and dirty. And if anyone gives her shit about that mug at work, she can blame it all on me - I'm cool with that.

And if you have the desire and the means, I highly recommend picking up your own Cunt Dragon mug.
Yes, I have no shame - you should know that by now, yo!

Then, this weekend I got this tweet from CrazyLadyX5 and it truly moved me that I have affected people in such a way that my very being can be synonymous with giggly immature sex jokes involving the number 69. Oh, how proud I am, I can't even begin to measure it with words. No, no, thank you, Crazy Lady for letting me know!

And finally, because it is Monday and I haven't done a Monday Music Moves Me for a couple weeks, here is one I just had to throw into the mix. Not only does it fit with the Military theme for today, but oh my God, it's an epic one. Firstly, Green Day. I don't even need to say more on that point. Secondly, Jamie Bell! Little Billy Elliot all grown up and hormonal. I love it! Thirdly, this is more like a short rather than a music video - it's full of teen angst drama, which is, of course, my very favorite type of bread and butter. Perhaps it's just me, but I can't watch this video without being reduced to a blubbering mess. Come back, Jamie! I love you!

What's a 4 Letter Word that Starts with C?

It's 'CAKE', you dirty birds...

OK, so it's 'cunt' as well; it's actually both today. Let's agree to call it a tie, shall we?

This weekend was fantastic and I want to take this time to thank all of you for your awesome comments from my latest installment of my Jeremy saga.

I promised one lucky comment-leaver a legendary Cunt Dragon Mug - and so I shall. The very, very lucky winner was comment #12, which happened to be Ms. Pamela Gold. Come on down and get your prize. Well, just email me, but you get the grandiose imagery I'm going for, right? TA-DAAAA!!! YA!

Yes, Pamela, I believe you DO owe me a tit, but luckily, I've already got 2 big ones, so I'll let you keep yours... for now. If for some reason I happen to lose one in a bizarre fishing accident or unfortunate jello wrestling injury, I'm totally going to hold you to it, ya here me?! Congratulations, anyway :)


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This Monday's theme for MMMM is Bands/Singers with only 1 name. There were a few that came to mind, but CAKE... well, it just fit so nicely with my lovely C words of the day.

This video cracks me up as well. And, yes, it's the official video. Awesome.
"It's something a super girl or feminist would approve of, or somethin' like that... they're trying so hard to be important by being noisy." That weird dude rocks.

Wordless Wednesday: Nature's A Whore

Seriously? Awesome.

Somewhere-the-fuck Mountain, Victoria, AUS

Also?
Please try to check in on Friday for my 200th post - a very special guest is stopping by and there might 
also be a giveaway that is "directly related" to the post. Confused? That is my plan, after all! 
You'll have to wait until Friday to be enlightened, suckaz! I'll give you a hint: It rhymes with "stunt wagon".

Hello, Hello Monday

Firstly, THEE most exciting thing happened last week! Was it the Rapture? Fuck no; even better! The awesome guys at @wesingyourtweet picked one of my tweets to sing. I felt like it was Christmas, my birthday AND winning a lifetime achievement award all rolled into one big fat emotion. Good times. Check it out:

Now, back to Monday's business.

I haven't yet paid any homage to one of my most favourite females, Poe. What's going on? I know; I must be slipping. There are so many songs that she has written that really affected me in such profound ways - and also for some for more lighter reasons. (Check out I'm Not A Virgin Anymore - it won't let me embed it but it's kinda like my theme song!) For whatever the reason, many of her words got me through many dark days. She hasn't published anything in a decade.

Poe! I miss you.

I'm Spreading STDs!

So, I got to thinking.
I know - it's always a monumental event - let's move on, shall we?

This whole 'peer blog award' thing - it's something I never even knew existed when I first started blogging. They are like the People's Choice Awards, except once you receive it, you have to pass it on to someone else. Many of us, including me, are kind of uncomfortable passing it on; like it's icky. Then I thought... wait, that's not like a People's Choice Award at all - it's like an STD!

Then I mulled it over for a while.

Yes. They're almost exactly like an STD, with the exception being that we are honored and flattered when these awards are passed on to us from other fellow bloggers, instead of being ashamed of having to request a prescription. OK, so that's probably a big difference, but you get where I'm going with this, right?

Without further adieu, I present the STD:

Sexy & Talented Diploma.

I want to pass on this awesome STD to all my deserving nearest and dearest.
Here are the rules:
1. Make up ONE totally ridiculous story about yourself that is a complete rip-off from a movie. It can be as long or short as you want; clean or crass as you want.
2. Pass it on to whomever you feel is deserving of this STD - or accept it and keep it for yourself; it's your blog - it's your choice.
I'M PRO CHOICE!
3. If you choose to accept this STD, please link your acceptance post back here. (I'll keep it open for at least all summer.) There's a very good chance that I'll be sporadically choosing random winners to get some of my world famous mediocre Estro-goodies.
I know you want some!

<a href="http://adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com/2011/05/im-spreading-stds.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="250" alt="STD Award" src="http://adventuresinestrogen.com/images/STD_awardh250.jpg"> </a>

My story:

My mom was going to marry this guy, and, like, even though I didn't hate him, I was not entirely cool with it. We went out for Chinese food one night and my mom was being a total cunt rag. Then the next day, I looked down and saw my mother's wrinkly body... ON ME! I was like, "What the fuck is going on?" Then she ran into my room and get this: SHE LOOKED LIKE ME! My mom was all like, "What the hell?" So, yeah, we had totally switched bodies! It was fucked up.

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I could have listed at least 40 here, but like any good STD, I'm hoping it will spread around to everyone that deserves it. I am listing a bit more than normal, but I need to boost the first wave. It was much too hard to choose a reasonable number, so I used the RANDOM generator to whittle my list down to 15! (I'm serious, by the way, I couldn't decide, which is just another reason why I hate these fucking things.) I therefore bestow this STD to the following awesome blogs, to which I love each and every one.
YOU ALL DESERVE THIS STD:

SAHMlovingit MultitaskingMumma 2 Much Testosterone Rockin' Mama My Inner Pin-Up

AllFookedUp Yeah. Good Times. The Suniverse Almost There My Mad Mind

Jojo's So Called Life Belle of the Desert Finding One's Way Boobies, Babies & A Blog Unladylike Behavior

GO FORTH & POPULATE!

BTW. Including this instance, I've mentioned the acronym "STD" 10 times in this post - take that SEO; I'm ready for ya!
Come and get me!

It's Q&A Time in the Estro'hood

The Estro'hood

What's probably the most offensive 4-letter word? It's not fuck, shit or cunt - it's 'meme'. Nevertheless, Latte Junkie tagged me, and I must admit, I really enjoyed this one. So, thank you for the tag - I know you were hesitant. HA! What is it about me? Am I intimidating? Must be the whole 'breathing fire' thing - I can see how that would put some people aback. Anyhow, here are my answers:

Which living person do you most admire, and why? My mother. Life continuously dishes her out shit, pile after pile, yet she always handles it with grace and strength. She is amazing.

When were you happiest? Fishing with my grandfather. (He fished. I caught frogs. It was bliss.)

What was your most embarrassing moment? There are too many; hence, my blog - have a look around.

What’s the most expensive frivolous thing you’ve bought? A handmade silver & chunky amber necklace for £300 or the limited edition Auguste Rodin sculpture for $700.

What is your most treasured possession? 1. My external hard drive. That beast has got my entire life in it - professional and personal. If there's ever a fire, I'm going in after it. They won't be able to hold me back. 2. My Dogma poster, signed by Kevin Smith.

Where would you like to live? Melbourne, Australia. Duh.

What’s your favorite smell? Fresh coffee & baking cinnamon rolls

Lauren Collins {TVloop}

Who would play you in the film of your life? If it's for the story of my exchange, it would have to be Lauren Collins from Degrassi. First time I saw her, I wanted her for the part. Lauren! You and I need to have a chat, seriously! Have your people call my people.
If it's for a more general role - as an adult, probably Kate Winslet.

What is your favorite book? Oyster by Janette Turner Hospital or the Harry Potter series.

What is your most unappealing habit? Playing with my hair.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice? A medieval-style dress with a corset and long bell sleeves. Marion or Guinevere.

What is your earliest memory? Running through the sprinkler on my grandparent's front lawn; I was likely 3 or 4.

What is your guiltiest pleasure? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard.

What do you owe your parents? A lot of fucking money.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why? Jim. For not being brave enough, I'm sorry.

What or who is the greatest love of your life? My clitoris.

What does love feel like? Like the most comfortable blanket you've ever had. Even if you aren't cold, you want to completely wrap yourself in it and forget about everything else; nothing else matters.

What was the best kiss of your life? Yikes. I really think my pulse rate rose to equal levels during all three of these:
First kiss with Jim
First kiss with Greg
Valentine's Day with Sir Testosterone (not written... yet)

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
1. Seriously?
2. Indeed.
3. Holy Mutha Fuckin' Shit! (Although I'm working on phasing that one out due to sensitive ears.)

What is the worst job you’ve done? Carpet cleaning every primary & secondary school in my district during the summer holidays in University; kids are fucking disgusting.

If you could edit your past, what would you change? I would have liked to have stood up for myself a bit more; especially in high-stress situations. Also, I would never have let Jim drive away.

What is the closest you’ve come to death? I went into congestive heart failure due to severe edema 4 days after I had my twin boys. It was terrifying.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Publishing 5 books.

When did you last cry, and why? I cry every Monday in the car. I crank my favourite music and think way too much... about everything.

How do you relax? Writing, with coffee in tow. It used to be painting, but I don't have a lot of time to do that lately.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life? Money.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you? Everyone is pretending. Be brave; say what you mean and have no regrets.

And so that's it for now; I hope it was enlightening. I'm not tagging anyone specifically - I feel it is like spreading syphilis. If you want to do these questions on your own blog, please do so - you know who I'm taking about. Yes - you! x