One Slippery Winner!

The results are in! Thank you so much to everyone that entered my slippery giveaway! It was so much fun -- both reviewing it AND checking out all the entries. I remember reading this particular entry and thinking, "What a cheeky, lazy bitch." And when I called her on it on the Twitter, this is how it went down . . .

@ladyestrogen I can't believe you expect ANYONE to count all that. Come on.
— Rebecca(@ManicMamaG) April 16, 2013

So needless to say, when I went on my trusty Rafflecopter app (which is pretty easy to use, btw) and chose a random winner FOR MY MOST AWESOMEST CONTEST EVER, which was Rebecca's entry (out of 118 possibilities), I laughed my fucking ass off.

Congratulations, you damn underachiever!

And by the way, the answer was 12, including the subject line. Here's a nerdy little secret to these types of questions -- just hit Ctrl + F and enter the word; it will give you the answer instantly. Because really, I wasn't going to count them manually either. Heh.

Thanks again to everyone that entered!

Hopefully, my sponsor was blown away with my amazing review & will continue to send me a plethora of goodies for me to share with all of you. Ahem.

x

Spillin' Some Beans

So, I haven't had my mind on writing the last couple weeks, but I have a pretty big reason why. In 2 weeks from now, I'm going to be putting myself (and my ideas) out to the Dragons (or Sharks, if you're reading this from The States). It's the first round, so it's actually the producers that I have to get passed first, but you get the idea.

I'm auditioning for Dragon's Den 
and yes, I'm freaking out.

But in a really great way.
This is the stuff that really gets my eyes twinkling and my lady bits all pudgy.
Adrenaline through invention.
Oooh, yes.

I'm going to side step a minute and share a little "hard lesson learned" story that happened to me 2 years ago. I didn't write about it then, mainly because I was so devastated that I didn't want to relive any second of it, even through writing.

I approached a very large, Canadian-based company that makes luggage. I submitted 6 concepts to them, with a pitch and I stamped each page with a "©2010 Intellectual Property . . . blardy blargh blar." I never heard back from them; not even an auto-reply. Then, about 10 months later, I happened to visit there site because I was going overseas and needed a new suitcase -- and there, in the "new additions" where T-H-R-E-E OF MY SIX DESIGNS.

SERIOUSLY?!

I called immediately and of course, the first person I was directed to had never heard of me. Then I became more irate. The higher up that I was passed to . . . knew exactly who I was. He told me, in a slightly more politically correct but no less douchey that they had changed the designs "just enough" that I could take them to court if I wanted to, but I'd never win against their team of lawyers. Asshole.

And he was right. I looked in to retaining an intellectual property lawyer and he said that it would require no less than $10,000 to go to court. So, I learned the hard way and at the end of the day, the artist gets screwed as a corporation gets fat off my ideas.

AND IT WILL BE THE FIRST AND LAST TIME
I ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.

So back to present day. I have 5 designs that are simple but fantastic for twin infants. They really are, I promise you. I have tried to get prototypes made but since my prior experience, it's been difficult approaching random people with my designs, not knowing where they will end up without my permission.

Instead, I'm going to approach the Dragons/Sharks for manufacturing investments; I've done all my facts and figures and I have to say, they are pretty damn sweet.

So, here's my young little pipe dream -- hoping that one day, it will be the "go to" brand for everything for twins (and triplet stuff too, but not as much, sorry!)

If you have twins, or just want to support my bid because you love me, please go to the site (www.artandpolly.com) and tweet your support! The more tweets, obviously, the better. I'm also trying to get some celebrity buzz happening, but sheesh, that Angelina is one tough lady to pin down. Jerry? Molly? Anybody? Pssfftt.

Anyway, thank you to everyone in advance!

I'll let you know if it goes well. 

If it goes shit, I doubt I'll mention it. 

Just being honest.

Deep breath . . .

Twitter is tough crowd to please

Alternate title: Why I'll never have 1 million Twitter followers.

I don't think I've had the ambition to do a Top 10 in a while, so amidst seemingly non-stop customized resume preparations, I thought I'd take some time out to procrastinate attempt to entertain you.

My follow and unfollow rates on Twitter are fairly consistent with each other; I've written before how it's all okay - to each their own and all that codswallop . . . but whenever I get a mass exodus in a single day (more than 20), I can never be sure exactly why, since my tweet content is more across the bloody map that Carmen Sandiego.

So, here are my thoughts on that phenomenon.

- 10 -

-9-

-8-

-7-

-6-

-5-

-4-

-3-

-2-

-1-

I rest my case.

And I don't really mind, but it's just a mildly interesting observation of what happens when one doesn't fit exactly into a specific genre, interest group or clique. Hey, kinda like when I was in high school. Ahem.

And on a completely unrelated note, I can't believe January is over, mostly because that means I've survived another 4 weeks being home full time with the boys. 

Sweet Cheeses, it's a damn miracle!

Osh Tosh B'gosh

Whether or not you've heard by now, Daniel Tosh did something quite repugnant. In saying that, I'm not going to entirely rant about how much of a douche muppet he is - why? Because I am trying to assess this situation from some kind of middle ground (or at least 70/30). I realize that simply because I have a vagina that would very much like not to be raped, it might not be possible to be unbiased, but there it is.

I would like to think that we're not all complete idiots and when you go to see a show with the likes of Daniel Tosh and Dane Cook headlining that you are going because A) You somehow appreciate their sense of humor and actually paid, or B) Got free tickets and understand who they are but still have thick skin enough to stomach their routine for 90 minutes, or C) Have no idea what you're getting in to because you've been raised in a protective bubble filled with cotton candy.

I would be in the B group, for the record.

Everyone has their limitations to what we do or do not find funny, mostly due to our own unique life experiences and tragedies, so what some would find horribly offensive, someone else thinks it's hilarious. For example, I made an abortion joke on Twitter last year that single handedly lost me almost 30 followers... but I laughed at myself so hard I was nearly in tears - and some people loved it, so I wasn't entirely alone.

And I have laughed at religious jokes.
I have laughed at racist jokes.
I have laughed at sexist jokes.
I have laughed at Helen Keller jokes - actually, they're some of my favorite to tell.

And I also have NOT laughed at religious jokes.
Nor have I at racist jokes.
Nor have I at sexist jokes.
Umm... sorry, Helen.

But I get it. 
And I don't internalize them as personal attacks if I think a joke is in poor taste. We cannot control what we do or do not find funny, but we can control our contextual understanding of every situation and take them with big chunky grains of salt.

So when Daniel Tosh starts making a joke about rape and how hilarious it is (OBVIOUSLY HE WAS BEING SARCASTIC), I would have sat there and zoned out. Since he was allegedly "going on about it" he was very likely struggling to get a laugh and dying a slow comedic death, regardless of the heckling from this offended girl.

Should he have responded to her heckling by saying that it would be funny if she was gang raped?

FUCK NO! WHAT A FUCKING MORONIC THING TO DO.

Slow fucking clap to you, Daniel.
It's obvious that his inability to defend himself with nothing but a juvenile, asinine "I know you are but what am I" type of insult just demonstrates the true depth of his comedic intelligence.

I'd like to think that if it was me, I would have been able to say something like, "Actually, Daniel, it wouldn't be quite as funny as YOU getting raped by 5 guys, or at least one giant guy who's nickname is Tripod."

And only then would I have made my grand exit.

The terrifyingly beautiful thing about the internet is that once you do something so incredibly stooopid, it gets out there for the entire world to see. Tosh acknowledged the situation (which is more than most public figures do on Twitter) and said this...

And here's where I throw in my two cents worth of Devil's advocate to Tosh. When it comes to stand up comedy, have you EVER seen a comic apologize ON STAGE for a joke? Hell no. If comics had to start doing that, they'd sound like us Canadians and begin apologizing after every fucking punchline. Could you imagine Lisa Lampanelli in that situation? She's be toast. As would all other "shock tactic" comics out there. Do these comics impress me? Not in the least...

...but I also wouldn't agree to see them in the first place.

Twitter: Lost in translation

Twitter etiquette for the beginner... and the twat waffle. I don't often do Top Tens, but due to a growing discord that I've heard through the Twittersphere, I thought it was about time I cranked up my initiative and wrote this out. For those that don't know me very well, I am a professional online marketer and creative director for almost ten years now (ouch, I feel old), even though I don't often talk shop on this site. And yes, this ambitious undertaking hurt my A.D.D. a little, and yes, I shall be napping once it's done.

10. No blind links. What is that link? Where will it take me? What the hell are you trying to get me to do? This is how I feel EVERY time I see a link without a headline, hashtag (like #photo or #porn) or something, anything that will tell me what this link is for. That's what headlines are for - lead the reader in - make us want to click and read/see more.

9. RT effectively. Odds are you and your followers follow quite a few of the same people. The best way to do a "real" RT (when you retweet directly using the icon that looks like a recycle symbol) is to first "favorite" it and then retweet it in an hour or later. This way, your followers won't have 2, 3, 4 of the exact same tweet scrolling through their feed at the same time - how annoying!

8. Over Retweeting - Whoa, there! I know it's a nice pat on the back when someone retweets you, and there are sites like FavStar.fm that make a fortune getting people to pay (yes, people actually PAY) for tracking your retweets, favorite'd stars and also allow to award others with virtual trophies for their clever quips, insults and creative double entendres for the use of the work 'fuck'. But when I open my timeline and there are 15 retweets in a row from all the same person, the first thing I do? I won't unfollow, but I will go to their profile and select "turn off retweets". It's a lovely, relatively new function - I use it a lot.

7. Check your motherfucking links. I have unfollowed people because of them consistently posting broken or invalid links - true story. Especially if you are a blogger, marketer or someone that should know how these things work, please test them first. If you tweet a link that doesn't work, it defeats the purpose of drawing people to your site, and therefore pisses me off for clicking. Do it once? Shame on you. Do it twice? Shame on me for clicking again. It will be the last time, I promise. (This morning was a prime example of that. Gaahhh.)

6. Don't Auto DM like it's 2006. That is all. Enough said.

5. Twitter is a SOCIAL media - not a soap box. To quote my very close, personal acquaintance* Scott Stratten, "Twitter is a conversation... I know, I know “TWITTER HAS NO RULES” and flippity-flo, but the point is if you believe that business is built on relationships, you have to make building them your business."¹ I will be honest here and say that if you follow me and I check out your timeline and you have interacted with zero people, I likely won't follow you back. You're obviously too self-important to have room for me in your Twitter life. And that also holds true with celebs - if they have over 3 million followers but follow zero, they are simply a douchebag.

4. Manual RT's have a time and place. I know Scott will disagree with me here because manual retweeting means it breaks the contextual history of a tweet, blardy blar blar, but in my opinion, sometimes they have a place.

Exhibit A:

By doing this, I not only replied to his tweet, but I also included his tweet to MY followers that might not necessarily follow him, so they see both the statement and the comeback. Again, it's not to be used all the time, but there are situations when it serves a purpose.

3. Hashtag smashtag. The primary purpose for a hashtag is to increase search results for particular words such as #savethechildren or #blogher12 etc, etc and can get your tweet seen by more people than just your followers - and even can help you gain new followers. Hashtags are also used as a joke or punchline, such as #gofuckyourself which, when used right, can be funny. Tweets such as "#join #theparty #forfunandgames" are simply obnoxious and serve little purpose other than telling me you have no idea what hashtags are for.

2. I ain't no follow back girl. I believe the notion of "Teamfollowback" is ridiculous. We all follow people (or companies) for different reasons - that is the beauty of Twitter. There should be ZERO push to follow people when I don't feel their tweets are of personal interest or relevance to me. Guilting (or begging) for follow-backs is like asking for everyone you like to like everything you do. Well, life doesn't work that way! You may follow me because you like my vagina jokes, but if your profile says you're into country music and Jesus, guess what? I respect that about you, but I don't want to read your tweets. Thanks for wanting to listen to my jokes and if you talk to me, I will likely respond but that's where our relationship ends... AND THAT'S OK.

1. Unfollowing: It happens. Sometimes people out-grow others or perhaps they become weary of others' dirty jokes and angst AND THAT'S OK TOO. It's like being at a party and you are allowed to come and go as you please. As someone walks out the door (unfollows) don't stop the party and yell to everyone, "Hey look who just unfollowed me!" That's not cool; not even a little bit. Don't ever, ever do that. I consider that a form of cyber bullying and I have no place or tolerance for dumb, juvenile bullshit like that. As much as Twitter is a social media tool to connect with people, it is equally a highly personalized experience and no two people's timelines are completely identical. Follow, don't follow, unfollow who you want and if there's any uncomfortable pressure to do anything you don't want to do, then the primary function of Twitter is lost. Block the assholes!

We already escaped high school once; there's no need to repeat that train wreck again, is there?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Rowan Atkinson Live: The Good Loser (watch - it's funny shit)

1. Scott Stratten, UnMarketing: "50,000 TWEETS AND ALL I GOT WAS EVERYTHING", June 7, 2010.

I'm a Cyst'a

For as long as I can remember, I have had cysts. I'm a cyst'y bitch all over.

I have polycystic ovaries.
I have fibrocystic breasts.
I have cystic acne.
And I have pelvic lymphocysts.

For most women, they will tell you that experiencing childbirth is when you lose all dignity - with your legs in the holsters and no less than 2 people looking up close and personal at your steaming snatch. And I ain't talking about ménage à trois here, people! In my case there were 7, but who's counting...

Well, for me it was a long, long time before that.

Let's completely ignore the fact that I had 12 interns present at my first pap smear at 14, all staring intently and taking notes as the chosen student proceeded to insert the vaginal retractor IN-COR-RECT-LY. Yes, that's right. I know you're all crossing your legs right now - and so you should. It was NOT a pleasant experience. Every time I've heard the line, "This is a teaching hospital" on shows like ER or Grey's Anatomy, I have done an involuntary Kegel. Fucking students.

So, indeed, let's all forget that.

But if it wasn't from that, then it would be from the two dozen times I have had a lymphocyst bordering dangerously close to my holy grail that was so painful that I couldn't walk. Then in 2006, one impacted so badly that I had to have an emergency operation... while my then current fiancé was back in Canada for a cousin's wedding. I had to call him from my cell phone on pain killers to tell him I was in the hospital. Plus, we didn't really know anyone well enough to call to help me in the UK, so I had to look up my neighbor's phone number and get his adult son's wife (that I barely knew) to come and drive me home after the surgery. It was a humbling experience, to say the least.

Try explaining THAT one to a bunch of nosy pupils that all wanted to know why I had been off school for 4 days and am now limping. Why, Miss, why, Miss, why, why, why?

BECAUSE I JUST HAD MY MEAT CURTAINS OPERATED ON - HAPPY NOW?!

(You must be shocked to know that that was my final year teaching. Uh huh.)

So I have done everything to try to help with these cysts. I've changed my clothing. My detergent. My soap. I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I've soaked in tubs with Epsom salts. I've seen dermatologists, homeopaths, plastic surgeons, you name it. Nothing has made them occur any less frequent.

I had a doctor recently nonchalantly tell me that all I would need to do was lose weight - because the old scaring that would indicate exactly how long I've had this issue was apparently irrelevant. So that doctor could take his 'professional opinion' and go eat a dick.

Thankfully, my husband is very understanding and is so used to my occasional giant band-aid that he barely even notices now. He's explained my condition in the most perfect way:

"It's not the cave that brings the real estate down, it's the neighbors."

If I ever find myself back in the dating game for whateverthefuck reason (I like to be prepared), I would most definitely have to add that to my profile description.

What's so fun about dignity anyway?



----------------------------------------------------

This post was inspired by the TMI chatter that I just love so much over on The Twitter -
with the lovely Momofthreeunder, jlweinberg and kdwald.

~Muah~

Let Your Backbone Slide

Apparently, there's been a mini trend for celebs (like Justin Beeeaver and The Queen) to make an appearance at weddings. That's cool and all, blardy, bar, bar... but THEN... then I saw something pretty motherfucking fantastic on the news yesterday. ->>

That's right, y'all. It's thee one and only Maestro Fresh Wes walking in while the groom is busting away on his (ridiculously famous, if you're Canadian) song, Let Your Backbone Slide.

HOW WICKED IS THE LOOK ON THE GROOM'S FACE?!
(or the bride's, for that matter ;)

LOVE IT.

So, of course I had to spread the love around and tell other people. Then, this was my morning...

My mind? Melted.

I'm not sure why he's calling me Ma... must be a Toronto thing. I've been out of the city for a little while, but it's totally OK. Ya know why? Because he's the fucking Maestro - that's why!

It got me to thinking - what would be the top songs that I love to sing along to (even in public, usually at weddings) and that I would completely lose my shit in the best possible way if these performers made a coincidental appearance to show me how it's done. These are specifically the songs I haven't heard in forever and actually don't even own copies of them (honestly, I don't, except Shoop - I need to start building my back catalog for realzies) but when they come on? Holy shit! I bust it out and sing them word-for-word since I have no shame... and basically because I'm a bat crap crazy white girl like that.

10. Digital Underground

Humpty Dance

9. Young MC

Bust A Move

8. Sir Mix-A-Lot

Baby Got Back (I Like Big Butts)

7. Tone-Lōc

Wild Thing or Funky Cold Medina (They're pretty much the same song)

6. Naughty By Nature

O.P.P.

  

5. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

Parent's Just Don't Understand

4. Beastie Boys

So What Cha Want

3. Maestro Fresh Wes

Let Your Backbone Slide

2. House of Pain

Jump Around

And by a landslide, also currently the ONLY song I've ever done (sober) karaoke to...

1. Salt N Pepa

Shoop

So, I'll pass it on to you...

What old school songs make you lose your freaking mind when they come on?

My (Not So) Deep Thoughts

I've wanted to catch up by doing one of these even more narcissistic posts that shamelessly intertwines my twittersphere with the blogsphere, so I'm finally getting around to it - mostly because I'm so gawd damn excited about the Vibration Studio moving in 2 blocks from my house that I can't think of anything else! However, I'm going to go by popular demand, rather than my personal favorites (which are, to my surprise, very different). I'm sure this would explain why I'm usually laughing at myself, by myself... but whatever.

These are the top ten of the most very deep thoughts and/or observations that I have produced over the last little while. Jack Handey? More like Hack Shmandy, am I right?

Just kidding.

I love you, Jack.

The scary thing is when I just read these back to myself as a single, scattered train of thought, 

I couldn't help but become increasingly self aware that... yup, this is me, all summed up.

I'll keep this post in mind for future reference if I ever need to do a summarized evaluation 

character sketch on myself.

My brain deserves a slow clap.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Hey! I'm also In The Powder Room, talking about little boy penises again. Total coincidence, I swear. Come over and send some comment love for the quirky mommy version of me.

She's kind of nuts too, hence referring to myself in the third person.

There's shit going on, yo!

I don't often do these "lots of shit in one post", but it's about that time again. Why? Because I've got lots to tell you. Little things that all make up one nicely wrapped post, like a delicious buffet, but without the salmonella, so even better!


On Thursday, I had my first post published over at In The Powder Room. It's good times over there - I highly recommend you check it out. Did I mention I'm discussing penises? Oh yes, how could I forget. I thought it was fitting for my initiation post. Ahem.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Secondly, I had a little link up last month. It really started out as a joke, so the fact that I actually got ANYONE to link up means I consider it a success.

It was in retaliation to all the annoying NoBloPoMo or whatthefuckever was riddled all over The Twitter for the entire month of November where you have to write a certain quota of words toward a novel (or some shit like that, I tried to tune it out). Anything where you're filling a quota of some sort that involves creativity really gets on my nerves. So, I had my fellow (awesomely warped) bloggers to link up for WWTFIFLF; definition on the badge. --->>

Anyhoozle, guess what? I can pick my nose and I can pick a winner, but sadly, I can't pick my winner's nose... which SUCKS, because I would be honored to pick Jill's nose. Wait, whut? She did enter twice, so maybe that improved her odds.

Congrats, Jillsmo! 

Visit my shop and tell me what the fuck you want and it's yours. YAY! Please try to contain your excitement to the end of the show. Thanks.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I also got a book in the mail last week. You may have heard of her - Scary Mommy? Oh, hell yes! I haven't had time to read it from cover to cover, but I have cracked the spine to read confessions such as:
"My kids know all the words to every Eminem CD."
"My kid was imitating me today. 'Slap my ass,' she yelled, and I suddenly realized I didn't imagine the figure in the doorway last night as my husband and I did the deed. OMG"
"My husband says I am his best friend...I love him, but friendship-wise, he doesn't even make my top-ten list."

And it goes on. It's so fabulous. I cannot wait until I can get all the voices in my head to stop screaming for a few hours so I can actually read it properly.

Thanks, Jill.
a.k.a. Scary Mommy

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And finally, I've been meaning to post these for a while now, so I'm taking this opportunity to showcase them all at once. Whether you know already or not, I am a graphic designer. From 9-5 my job can be tedious as fuck, so I enjoy doing weird (often fantastically nerdy) designs for t-shirts, among other projects. I do have my shop, but those designs are directly relating to whoring out this blog. I have a few more general blog/social media designs that I give to Tim over at Sogeshirts. If you like any of them, please go have a visit and check out what he's got (which is a lot).

Here is a sampling of the ones I have done:

So, please go visit In the Powder Room and Sogeshirts, and tell them I sent you!

~ Love and smooches ~

Holiday Twittertainment

Because of family visitors, preparing food to the point of exhaustion, and having a couple fairly fantastic meltdowns (both me and the little people), these are what sporadically put a smile on my face over the last few weeks. Here are my Top Ten Tweets of December... and because I'm a self-proclaimed narcissist (and others have proclaimed it as well) I will start with 2 of my own special holiday tweets. At least I didn't favourite my own tweets, so you have to give me some credit. Enjoy!

This one was especially for Carri Brown, because she's so lucky that way:

The more I think about it, he likely did it on purpose.

We'll leave you two alone then ;)

Yes. This...

That would be divine. Or chocolate covered bacon balls.

Every time I see a car decorated like a reindeer, I want to crash into them, so... agreed!

This? Was just nerd-tastic and awesome.

Hulk laugh.

Make that a baker's dozen, darling!

And finally, the #1 sentiment that sums it all up...

And now I must get through my husband's birthday AND our anniversary, both of which are this week.

By a thread, people. 

By. A. Thread.

Fuck.

Dear Me, STFU!

This week was a monumental milestone for me on The Twitter -- I surpassed 20,000 tweets. For those of you that aren't on The Twitter, that means I've spewed out over 20,000 useless thoughts and opinions into the interwebisphere. It's both amusing and horrifying. What else would/should I have been doing during all that time? Working? Sleeping? Eating? ...Fucking? 

OK, so that last one is wishful hindsight, but still, you get the idea.

I told everyone I was going to make myself a 'Shut The Fuck Up' cake when I reaching this number, and I may be many things, but full of shit is NOT one of them. Here's my fabulous cake - it was pumpkin with cheesecake vanilla icing... and boobs.
Buddy Valastro? Eat your fucking heart out. Okay, maybe not; it's pretty ghetto. I should stick to graphic design.

The best part? My in-laws came over last minute. I smoothed over the writing and ate the nipples. And they were very impressed with its flavouring as I watched them chow down a slice of my boob cake sans nipples. Yummy!

Ooooooh! And speaking of STFU cakes... here is a song by CAKE: Shut The Fuck Up. 

See what I did just there? Oh, yeah!

CRANK IT!

(except if you're at work or have kids around)

Have a fabulous Monday, everyone!
xo

What You All Must Think of Me!

I usually do Five Funny Fuckers on Fridays because of the whole alliteration thing and shit, but it was a pretty damn funny week over on The Twitter side of things so I'm cheating. It's my blog. Whatever. I try not to have my two online worlds collide very often, but I absolutely must share with you what people have sent me. I'm sensing a trend as to what my online friends find and think, "Oh, Lady Estrogen would LOVE that." But you know what? They're usually right. It's fantastic! Keep it coming!

~1~ 

"At Breakfast or later in the day, a Dickens Cider is the perfect pick-me-up!"

I laughed for an hour and OH MY GOD, I am totally buying one of these t-shirts!

~2~

OK. So, I guess I should mention that I first came across a crocheted vibrator cozy on Etsy and posted it on Twitter.

But this? Totally trumps it:

Those are some funny looking cocks 'n nuts, yo! 

And more importantly, are these customizable?

~3~

This was sent to me as a DM, so this confirms it - vagina photos ARE sent as DMs. Ahem.

THEY ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!

And OK, yes, if I had one of these, I would totally be doing rude gestures to it before I ate it out. 

I mean, all. ATE IT ALL.

~4~

This is a blog post that my warped sense of humor earned me an honorary appearance in. 

Why? Because I favorited Carri's tweets about how Anxiety Disorder can suck hairy balls... all types of hairy balls. Yay!

And now I am posting how she re-posted my tweet.

Put that Post-Post-Modernism in your pipe and smmmmmoke it! 

~5~

And the pièce de résistance...

And THAT, people, is what hard work can accomplish!

So. Fucking. Phenomenal.

Do you KNOW how many websites are out there about hoes?! It's an immense Google honor!

I wonder what other words I can type in that will result in my blog appearing on the first page?

You know I will be investigating.