Nov 27, 2013

Smooth Operator

It had been 3 weeks since I had Baby E. She already had a cold and because of her stuffed sinuses, we hadn't slept for more than 20 minutes at a time for the past 3 days. The boys were being their typical 4 year old selves in the morning, which consisted of completely forgetting what needed to be done in order to get ready for school. Boots? Hats? Jackets? Apparently, I might as well be speaking fucking Greek. No day seems to be better than any other, but they can always get worse.

I had just returned back to the house after dropping the boys off at school after what I commonly describe as "Thing 1's nuclear meltdowns". And the cause this time? Who the hell knows; I can't keep track anymore.

I was fucking exhausted.

Baby was actually sleeping in her carrier when I took her out of the car to go into the house. I noticed my neighbor's 18 year old son across the street, sitting in his car and smoking.


Now, I hadn't had a smoke for 9 months -- my last one being about 45 minutes before I peed on a stick.

At least it wasn't 45 minutes AFTER I peed, so whatever. Shut up.


Maybe it was my exhaustion that was driving my decisions, but I swallowed my pride and went over to the kid, "Can I get a smoke off you?"

"Sure. They're menthol though."

MENTHOL?! Things have sure changed since I was in high school, but beggars can't be snobby bitches, I guess.

I lied, "That's fine." All I knew is that I wanted to hold that stick between my fingers and hold it between my lips, so a pansy-assed mint flavored cigarette would have to do.

As the boy handed me the cigarette, he pleaded with me, "Don't tell my mom, okay?"

I backed away from his car and just smiled, "No problem. Don't tell my husband, okay?"

He nodded and laughed.

As I touched a flame to the end and inhaled, despite it being a tad minty, it was so goddamn glorious.

Smooth and satisfying, as if I was living inside a cigarette poster from the 40s.

I haven't had one since that day, but let's not discuss the 2lbs of M&M's I've had instead...

That's me, can't you tell?