Jun 24, 2011

Jeremy's North American World Tour

If you are a new reader, you might not have read the first installment of the legendary Lady Estrogen and Jeremy London imaginary conversation. Have a quick read, because like most sequels, apart from being tragically inferior to the original, previous plot lines are often referenced, so to have seen the original BEFORE the sequel is usually a good idea... unless you like being confused... if so, by all means, read on.

Lady Estrogen is sitting in a dark leather chair with an identical one across from her and a low coffee table sits in between; she is waiting for Jeremy. She is leaning over the table, reading the newspaper when he arrives and he collapses into the opposite chair with a deflated sigh.

Lady Estrogen: Welcome back! How was your trip?

Jeremy London: Exhausting and a little bizarre; I'm still recovering from it all.

LE: So, visiting your fans wasn't what you thought?

JL: To put it mildly.

LE: Well, don't keep me in suspense - show me the damn photos!

JL: OK, so the first stop was to meet Barbara in Ohio. She was ready and waiting when I arrived.


LE: She did her hair all pretty like, just for you. Aweeee.

JL: She slobbered on me... (winces) and it tasted like spam.

LE: Yum.

JL: Then this guy, Darren, told us to meet him in the forest somewhere in Northern Michigan; it was a little off-putting.

LE: I'm sure it was.

JL: He asked if he could kiss my pegasus. I still don't know how he knew I had a pet miniature pegasus.

LE: I don't think he said 'Pegasus', Jeremy.


JL: Well, he seemed to enjoy giving Persephone a little smootch.

LE: Persephone?

JL: YES! What the hell would you call YOUR pet pegasus? 

LE: I never really thought about it. I'm just impressed by your alliteration skills.

JL: You're a bitch.

LE: What can I say? You bring out the best in me.

JL: AAAANYWAY, we then met up with this Raymond character in Sault Saint Marie. His house smelled like moth balls and dirty boxer shorts; I tried not to be more than 4 feet from any given exit route.

LE: I like his glasses - très sexy. Are they Transition lenses?

JL: Seriously?

LE: What? It's a genuine question.

JL: I don't fucking know, nor do I care. I'm just relieved I got out of there without him pushing me into a hole in his basement.

LE: I would have saved you.


JL: Whatever. After I left his place, I took a hot shower and scrubbed the creepy off me.

LE (winks): I'm sure he took a shower too.

JL: Thanks for that; I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

LE: It's one of my many talents; I've gotta be me.

JL: Please, for the love of fuck, don't start singing.

LE: Ugh. FINE.

JL: Then, we made it to Toronto just in time to witness the Slut Walk; it was good times.

LE: I'm sure you were a big supporter.

JL: Anything for a good cause, right? I tried to enjoy it from a distance.


LE: What's wrong? Too scared to mingle up close with the local sluts?

JL: I never said I was a man of the people... just a man FOR the people.

LE: That's from Gladiator.

JL: Shit.

LE: You should know better than to try and sneak a movie quote passed me. I mean, really, Jeremy. It's like sometimes you don't know me at all.

JL (rolls his eyes): Anyhow, I have to get going.

LE: You just got here! You're always in a hurry when you come meet with me.

JL: What can I say? YOU bring out the "I just remembered I gotta be somewhere else" in me.

LE: It's a fine line between love and hate, isn't it? 

JL: Yup. I balance that shit like a ginger midget on a tight rope.

LE: You just HAD to throw in a midget reference, didn't you?

JL: It's all apart of that same fine line.

LE: Saint Jeremy, slayer of cunt dragons and lover of ginger midgets.

JL: Don't try to bring that stupid shit up with me again, I'm NOT going to do a movie about cunt dragons.

LE: Even if it was an Arthouse flick?

JL: Look at my face.

LE: I'm looking.

JL: What is my face telling you?

LE: That you're annoyed with me and ...also? That you actually love cunt dragons. Am I right?


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In honor of my 200th post, and because Jeremy London is such an awesome sport about all this, 
I'll be giving away one of my infamous Cunt Dragon mugs! YAY! 
Everyone that leaves a comment will be entered into the draw. GOOD LUCK!


A Mother Life

33 comments:

  1. denise esterly @agoodday2uFriday, 24 June, 2011

    That is HILARIOUS!!! He will cave and do that movie for ya one day. I just know it hahaha
    As always I enjoy reading your stuff. :)

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  2. I think it was better than your first conversation. I love the pictures. Once again I can totally see that conversation happening. You are hilarious funny lady.

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  3. F*ck I was busy with the toddler and did not make it here earlier and I'm not first!!!! Waaaaaaaah!!

    Bloody hell, that was hilarious with a capital T!

    What? I can't spell OK.

    Can you get Jeremy London to lick the mug first?

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  4. Very witty and original, I can't understand AT ALL why Jeremy wouldn't want to be in a movie that you wrote, and I think Cuntdragons is an awesome word!

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  5. OH MY GOSH!!

    You are a genius.

    Wait till he sees this.

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  6. Shit! I just did a post about cussing around my kids. Now I need that mug to really drive it home!

    I always love your posts. : )

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  7. Dude you are queen of the universe and he is bad ass for that pic.

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  8. WOW! that's just lush! xxxx

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  9. you are so fucking funny! Please keep the saga going. Let me know what I can do on my end. So fun

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  10. Good post. AND it looks like you got the attention of a ceretian someone...wow. Anyhows. Put me in for the cuntdragon coffee mug. Have a good day Lady.

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  11. Your greatest post EVER!!! I cannot believe you got him to do this. But shit, doesn't this mean I have a boob to remove? That fuckin' sucks...

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  12. Mostly? It sucks because I just bought all new bras. Dammit Jeremy!

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  13. You armadildo! You're so nuts I don't know what to do with you sometimes! HILARIOUS post...JL will love it! Love the pic of him holding the sign too, that is priceless. Need me a mug to go w/ my tote dude, then I will be totally geared up for baby cuntdragon status!

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  14. Well now, here is my comment but what is there left to say! You are crazy and we love you for it.
    Jenn

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  15. I don't think he said pegasus...that's too funny! Love.

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  16. I'm glad Jeremy got away from the guy in the basement, by the look of his computer he's been down there for a LONG time!
    Also?
    He's so working on a movie about cunt dragons, he's just waiting for the right amount of money!
    PS.
    Happy 200 my friend

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  17. I love that Persephone is in this conversation! And he's definitely a good sport...those are some scary pics.

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  18. I love you and Jeremy London. Also, I love Persephone.

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  19. Hilarious! But seriously. Would you Quintace?

    A

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  20. "for the love of fuck" "transition glasses" "cunt dragon" "ginger midgets"

    Lady E....you slay me. hahahah

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  21. I don't think anyone needs a cunt dragon mug like me. While I don't drink coffee, I need huge amounts of tea to recover from my slut walking activities. I'd do my hair just to drink from it.

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  22. The very next animal I rescue shall be named Cuntdragon.

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  23. I love your Jeremy London posts. LOVE!

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  24. I want a mug! I'll drink from it whilst wearing my Mammos tshirt!

    Oh, and "I balance that shit like a ginger midget on a tight rope." BEST LINE EVER!!!

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  25. Luv it. It's not everyday you wake up to read about, Persephone, Jeremy London and cuntdragons. all is now well with the world.

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  26. This was an awesome follow up post from the first conversation with Jeremy. Looks like he met some very interesting people in his travels.

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  27. This is one hell of a way to be introduced to your blog...more please...

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  28. @Lori
    Oh, shit. That's a lot of pressure - I'm afraid it's all down hill from here on in. ;)

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  29. At first I was giggling over the lady with the I heart Jeremy picture, because I once passed that pic off as me.

    Then I got to your interview.

    Um...I used to have a huge crush on Jeremy. Then I made fun of him (a little) once on my blog.

    I think you may have gotten me back to the crush.

    Yeah.

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  30. You are a crazy person.

    I adore you.

    Kris

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  31. Omg!! Fanfuckingtastic!! LE, I bow down to your greatness. And JL, you are almost as fab as Lady E! Best piece I've read in forever!

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  32. I am no longer worthy....Thank you darling :)

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