Craft Whores, Of Course

Here we go, people! It's time to link up your Craft Whore creations (from now until September 20th). Check out The Suniverse and The Bearded Iris for all the juicy details on the prizes and who are the highly esteemed judges. Well, they are definitely esteemed, still not 100% sure about the high part, but nevertheless, they agreed to do it.

One of the only best things about being an art teacher was having my own dark room and kiln. I was sad to say goodbye to all that free access and almost unlimited state-funded supplies when I left the teaching profession, but there you have it. Then, about 6 months ago, I made a new friend... I mean, an IN REAL LIFE friend, you guys! I know it's hard to believe but it totally happened. PLUS, she's a potter, with her own shop, studio, kiln -- the motherfucking works!

She's like a friend with benefits, 

but in a clay way, not in a gay way.*

Between my new found friendship with ceramic perks and this upcoming crafting challenge, I decided I'd through my hat back into the pottery game and make some vagina candle holders. Why candle holders, you ask? Because I remembered these wise words:

So, of course I'm going to make special vagina candle holders! It's one of my most favorite analogies, thus making my choice fairly easy, once I really thought about it.

Look! It's like she's glowing... 

Not surprisingly, they were quite enjoyable to make and pending that these beautiful little bitches survive the final glazing process, they will be all smooth and shiny! Since I hand sculpt them (and being true to life), no two will be exactly a like. Ahem.

I have offered one of these up for a prize in this fabulous contest. Plus, if you want to buy one completely apart from the contest, please leave a comment below or send me an email and I will make more and hook you up.

Remember, Christmas is coming, yo!

Nothing says that you care quite like a vagina candle holder.

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* Flight of the Concords joke. If you haven't seen this, please do - right here, now. GO!
OK, maybe leave a comment first, but then go.

There's shit going on, yo!

I don't often do these "lots of shit in one post", but it's about that time again. Why? Because I've got lots to tell you. Little things that all make up one nicely wrapped post, like a delicious buffet, but without the salmonella, so even better!


On Thursday, I had my first post published over at In The Powder Room. It's good times over there - I highly recommend you check it out. Did I mention I'm discussing penises? Oh yes, how could I forget. I thought it was fitting for my initiation post. Ahem.


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Secondly, I had a little link up last month. It really started out as a joke, so the fact that I actually got ANYONE to link up means I consider it a success.

It was in retaliation to all the annoying NoBloPoMo or whatthefuckever was riddled all over The Twitter for the entire month of November where you have to write a certain quota of words toward a novel (or some shit like that, I tried to tune it out). Anything where you're filling a quota of some sort that involves creativity really gets on my nerves. So, I had my fellow (awesomely warped) bloggers to link up for WWTFIFLF; definition on the badge. --->>

Anyhoozle, guess what? I can pick my nose and I can pick a winner, but sadly, I can't pick my winner's nose... which SUCKS, because I would be honored to pick Jill's nose. Wait, whut? She did enter twice, so maybe that improved her odds.

Congrats, Jillsmo! 

Visit my shop and tell me what the fuck you want and it's yours. YAY! Please try to contain your excitement to the end of the show. Thanks.


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I also got a book in the mail last week. You may have heard of her - Scary Mommy? Oh, hell yes! I haven't had time to read it from cover to cover, but I have cracked the spine to read confessions such as:
"My kids know all the words to every Eminem CD."
"My kid was imitating me today. 'Slap my ass,' she yelled, and I suddenly realized I didn't imagine the figure in the doorway last night as my husband and I did the deed. OMG"
"My husband says I am his best friend...I love him, but friendship-wise, he doesn't even make my top-ten list."

And it goes on. It's so fabulous. I cannot wait until I can get all the voices in my head to stop screaming for a few hours so I can actually read it properly.

Thanks, Jill.
a.k.a. Scary Mommy

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And finally, I've been meaning to post these for a while now, so I'm taking this opportunity to showcase them all at once. Whether you know already or not, I am a graphic designer. From 9-5 my job can be tedious as fuck, so I enjoy doing weird (often fantastically nerdy) designs for t-shirts, among other projects. I do have my shop, but those designs are directly relating to whoring out this blog. I have a few more general blog/social media designs that I give to Tim over at Sogeshirts. If you like any of them, please go have a visit and check out what he's got (which is a lot).

Here is a sampling of the ones I have done:

So, please go visit In the Powder Room and Sogeshirts, and tell them I sent you!

~ Love and smooches ~