My Inner Self

Over the years I have had random thoughts and hypothetical conversations with various people about what would I be like if I was born a man - never with any concrete conclusions though - since they usually took place whist extremely intoxicated. Finally, I want to settle this question once and for all.

Since I was little, I have always struggled with my femininity. It's completely different for girls that claim to be "tomboys" when they've got pretty curves underneath their overalls, it really is. I have an athletic build; my father's build – he was a hockey player. There's no curves; I'm a solid fucking brick. I often heard, "Oh sweety, if only you were a boy, it would have been easier for you."

Yeah. Thanks for that!

Humm... if I wasn't good at being girlie, did that mean maybe I was a lesbian? So I went and got me some of that.

Nope.

Don't get me wrong. It was completely erotic and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I experimented about a half dozen times in total (after all, I DID go to Art School), but every time, something felt weird - like I was missing the grand finale jack-hammering male penetration at the end.

Yes. I love men.

So, just like I've known many men that claimed to be a "lesbian trapped in a man's body", perhaps I am a homosexual trapped in a woman's body. But I'm still lacking in the femininity department, so I couldn't live up to the stereotypical gay guy that is light on his feet and had been trying on his mother's heels since he was 5. I am so NOT Chris Colfer!

I'd have to be the butch guy, most definitely. 

I make dirty jokes that have actually made grown men gag, true story. I don't wear heels. I like it rough, tough and unshaven but not ridiculously built either; I prefer a little cushion for the pushin'. I don't like muscle freaks, nor do I have the dedication to achieve that physique anyway. I'm lazy.

So, yes - obviously I wasn't born a man, but I finally figured out who is inside me - Guillermo Díaz, that's who!

I'm like one of those aliens from "V" - except under my alluring female skin, there exists a cool, butch Latino man that loves other men.

I'm OK with that; just don't tell my husband. He'd much prefer if I had Keira Knightley inside me.

Perhaps; I just might have eaten her for lunch.

{Pinups Magazine}