Apr 28, 2011

Barely, Curly & Flow

It always fascinated me how the dynamic of boys with each other and girls with each other is so drastically different when it comes to modesty. Most boys are exhibitionists - walking around with their bits hanging out after gym class. Girls? We have developed the fine art of completely undressing, drying off and re-dressing entirely cloaked under our over-sized towel - revealing nothing, even to our closest friends.

Our society and architectural constructs also encourage this divide. Boys have a single open room for undressing; girls have cubicles. For me, who had always been curious about other people, found this annoying - but I had to play along in order not to be labelled a "freak". I chose to keep my freak hidden from most.

Anyway, one night in grade 8, myself, my best friend and another girl were hanging out in my friend's basement. We were a pretty close trio - however it was my friend that was the common link. I didn't overly care for the other girl - she was probably the bossiest person I had ever met. If you told her the sky was blue, she's deny it just to argue with you. Since I despised confrontation, it wasn't the ideal chemistry for a lasting friendship.

Nevertheless, there we were - in my friend's basement. Thirteen and Bored.

I really cannot remember how the topic came up, but there it arose - pubic hair. It started off as a joke and then one thing led to another and before we knew it, all 3 of us had our pants around our ankles. We stood there - bottom half naked - inspecting each other's lady bits.

What we didn't expect was how different we actually were. It was fascinating - in a completely non-sexual way. My friend had a fair amount of pubic hair, but it was almost straight - like flowing straight; I wanted to comb it and put it in a ponytail. Whereas myself? I had the typical bush - auburn and curly. I had already had to have taken to mowing my coiffed cooter as young as 12 or else it got a little out of control. Think of Russell Brand's hair - but auburn - and on my vagina...
Out of control.
The third girl? She was practically bald. The grass was barely growing on the field and the players were still in the dugout. After I thought about it, it didn't really surprise me; she was often chastised by the boys for being as flat as an ironing board. She was just a late bloomer. We didn't care; it was just an interesting observation - nothing more.

So, of course, this sort of event was to be kept on the STRICT DOWN LOW. No one needed to know about what we had done - NO ONE. No matter how innocent it was, it wouldn't have mattered to the gossip mongers.

I was a professional at keeping funky weird shit like this a secret. A God damn seasoned pro, I was.

The very next school day, not 15 minutes into the day, I hear: "There's the Three Dykes! Ha,ha,ha!" and "Hey! It's the Lesbian Trio!"

What - the - fuck?

It lasted for weeks. WEEKS, I tell you! I was so embarrassed and intensely furious. I never did find out which of the two leaked the details of our weekend activities - because it sure as hell wasn't me. Luckily, we were fairly high up on the pecking order of pre-teen piranhas, so it didn't completely ruin our social lives. If we were, well, lower, it likely would have meant a social death by schoolyard crucifixion.

I recently corresponded with this friend - after many years of not seeing each other and having grown apart. The first thing she said to me was, "Hey there, Curly!"

"Hey there to you too, Straights!"


Mama’s Losin’ It

35 comments:

  1. OMG hilarious. Only you, Lady Estrogen, can make a story about pubic hair so funny. Love it.

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  2. LMAO! now that's some shit bitch! I was the late bloomer flat as a board and I remember everyone else already having to shave the pits and there was me...not a single hair anywhere...I ended up shaving my pits to just get hair! ahaha...so retarded 6th grader. Good times right!

    XxOo!

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  3. Oh Lord, the old lesbian rumor is nearly impossible to live down. Kids are such bastards. Too bad you couldn't set them straight by saying something like "we're not lesbians, we were just exploring each others vaginas!"

    I'm sure they would have understood if you just reasoned with them like that.

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  4. So you could die tomorrow and have easily lived a far more exciting life than I could if I lived to be 100.

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  5. @Mama Kat
    Haha - explanations would have been futile to that steaming mob.

    @Rockin'Mama
    Awwe.. I did that with my legs - I had pure blond hair, I totally didn't need to shave, but I did anyway. Dumb.

    @Alison
    Thanks, hun! I find even the word Pubic is funny.

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  6. Did you ever find out how the other kids heard about it?

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  7. lol!! Hilarious. Although at first I thought that photo was a picture of a toupee.... lol. I'm such a dork.

    Jackie @ http://tofindtheline.blogspot.com/

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  8. straightening iron could work... Why do I feel somehow uncomfortable when coming here LOL Oh I see, I'm the only man child here..

    A

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  9. And now I have to go clean the OJ and snot off of my desk. Win and fail at the same time.

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  10. Awesome. Not the event itself. Your recounting of it. And, the dudes that heckled you were really just jealous they weren't invited to that party. 13 year old dudes love that type of stuff. Just like grown up dudes do. My Thursday post is nowhere near as entertaining, but it does showcase some gross stuff dudes do.

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  11. My mom who is totally computer illiterate got an OLD computer off my aunt. My aunt had gained it at a yard sale. Anyway while going through it to see what was on it we came across some interesting photos. One the person who owned originally had labeled as pie shot. In it was a woman with pubic hair that was so overgrown it nearly went to her navel and down to her mid thigh and THICK. I gagged. My mom without batting an eye said, " Well that looks like Ethel's lady area, just exactly like that." I gagged again. Ethel had been my aunt until she married my daddy. Oh yeah you read that right. My daddy married my mom's brother's ex wife. There are some things you just don't need to know about your family. That was one of them.

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  12. @singedwingangel
    OMG - that is all kinds of wrong AND funny. Thanks for that. Xxo

    @Dumb Mom
    They ARE dumb at that age - I'm realizing that more and more. I'll check yours out.

    @Abby
    Please clean up the snot & OJ - sorry about that. LOL

    @Jackie
    Dork is good :)

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  13. bwhahaha!!! That's freakin' hilarious!! I love how you tell it...I was chuckling the whole time!

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  14. so funny! I keep my junk tight! use a #1 guard w/ my wahl trimmers....this playground is pristine.

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  15. Awesome post! And yeah, kids will make fun of everything they can. 10 years later, the thought of 3 bottomless teens would make them drool.

    And props for keeping things trim at such a young age. Ahead of your time, you were...

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  16. lmfao you are the shit! I've missed your crazy ass! Well, I'm back and here to stay!

    I keep my taco meat down to where you can barely pullit...and long enough to not look like a damn child! I went a year without shaving down there...and it was thicker than Richard Simmon's jew-fro!

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  17. I...uh...um...err...ah...hmm...am rendered speechless.
    Gonna go hang out in the lockerroom now.

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  18. you are certainly a unique person....i can't imagine this personally

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  19. It's kind of interesting that I read this today...after watching Easy A last night. It just reminded me of how crazy fast news travels!

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  20. Stopping by from Mama Kat's page. This was hilarious. Thank you for the recounting!

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  21. Hysterical! Never occurred to me that girls would have different kinds...news to me! ;)

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  22. I have a story similar to this, and still after all these years NONE of us have breathed a word - to my knowledge anyway. Hey, maybe it DID get out and they all secretly think my husband is a 'beard!'

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  23. Whahahaha!! Oh how I love you & your bush!

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  24. This story is hysterical. I honest to god would never have even thought of checking out the bits down there. Wow, kids think differently, don't they?

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  25. b ahahahahahah
    here I sit reading a blog, alone, or so I think, and then I hear from across the room, IS THAT A PUSSY?! HEY THE DISPATCHER IS LOOKING AT A PUSSY.
    Win, Lady Estrogen an entire PD was just reading this post over my shoulder wondering aloud....is THAT was girls did at sleep overs??
    Why yes, gentleman, it is. or at least....some of us!

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  26. @sarcasticsinglemomma
    That is fucking awesome! Hello there, all you Officers!! xx

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  27. This blog is fucking awesome!!!

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  28. OMG you kill me. Maybe these days in eighth grade girls can't do experiments like this cos their pubes are all shaved off. BTW I also heard recently that there are facials for vaginas lol known as Vajacils. No I'm serious!!! My neighbour Lydia had one!! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/12/vagina-facial-or-vajacial_n_460003.html

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  29. @Roxy
    I think my hubby would want to equal the playing field by hiring a hooker - cuz there's NO way a Vajacil wouldn't be techincally hiring someone to get me off - and just smell better afterwards. LOL

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  30. Hahaha! That was really funny! That bush is definitely out of control. I bet kids these days won't have anything to show their peers, because they're all getting Brazilians.

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  31. That pic right there really triggered my OCD... There's actually a chant going on in my head now: pluck it, pluck it, pluck it!!!! Never really inspected other people's bushes, so it's my first time hearing about the totally straight pubic hair. Kinda a hassle, wouldn't it? I mean, would it ever be mistaken for somekind of a new age goatie? But then again, I bet it'd look cool for corn rows.
    OK. Obviously you got me fixated (again). Ugh, still thinking of plucking...

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  32. that picture? HAHAHA! my daughters (young teenagers) asked me if they could shave off their pubes. seriously. ugh.

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  33. @melissa
    You just gave me reason #135 why I'm glad I don't have daughters. LOL

    @dosweatthesmallstuff
    I wouldn't be plucking, I'd be twirling - according to my own OCD ;)

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