Dec 30, 2011

My year, according to Bridget

I was going to do a long winded explanation of my journey towards the downward spiral this year, but then I thought illustrating it would be much more effective. Bridget agreed with me; she's been there.

At the start of the year, I was feeling pretty good. I broke a VERY long dry spell in the climax desert, I got freakin' published, and I dedicated an entire month to my love of music that was fairly successful, except for my ex-boyfriend publicly commenting that I was a disgraceful bitch. I was a fucking writer - bring it on!

As the year went on, it became very clear that I was missing some of this in my life...

And a whole fucking lot of this -

As I've mentioned this year, even though I'd been shown the gift of ultimate self gratification this year, it still doesn't take the place of affection, attention, and a warm, loving body... or anyone with a pulse, really.

Oh, yeah! I also did this on both trips to the U.S. this year, and now I really, REALLY fucking miss this as well.

And because I miss smoking so gawd damn much, I've begun eating more. Copious amounts of food that would rival most 16 year old boys, actually. So, when I wrote about me quitting dieting and being OK with my body, I take it all back.
Sorry. I suck. 
And my underwear looks like this now...

Struggling with this situation doesn't help matters much either, I'm sure. Hummm...

So, these days, I've been feeling more like this.

And all I want to do is this.

Oh, wait. Thanks, Bridget... I almost forgot the fucking ice cream. 
That's more like it! Yes!

So I will be heading to see someone in January, hopefully to help me make sense of all my chaos. 
And if that doesn't work, prescribe me something so I can feel like this:
(although preferably NOT actually a hallucinogenic - unfortunately, this lady has gotta work, yo!)

So, cheers! Here's to hoping that 2012 brings some good shit.
Or at the very least, I can purchase it from a licensed pharmacist.

Happy New Year!

16 comments:

  1. I'm sure your boobs look better than Bridget's.

    And you're a better singer too.

    I'd still rather nail her, though. Sorry, it's the accent.

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  2. Pssfft.
    I speak Canadian AND Australian ;)

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  3. You climaxed in 2011? I'd say the year was a hit!
    However, happy new year and may only terrific things happen...and you climax again.

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  4. I see words, but all I saw was Renee Zellweger. Sorry. She has that effect on me.

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  5. 2012 has to be better for both of us, right?

    We are perfectly capable of taking the world by storm. So, let's just get on with it, shall we?

    After we finish this pint of Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls.

    I'm in. You in?

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  6. You got published? Amazing! Do share please.

    I hope that 2012 brings you more happy endings & contentment.

    XO

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  7. oh my! sexy granny panties! lol. Hope you have a happy new year too! :D

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  8. Oh geez, I just scrolled down to the bottom of your page to say something witty, when I noticed your "Popular Posts" widget. How the fuck is one of my posts up there??

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  9. whenever i see any pics from that movie, i think of her line about her wobbly bits. i could go for some couch and blankie time with a carton of ice cream too right about now!

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  10. @Sherilin

    Funny you mention that, because I think that was the focus of my very first guest post I had on my blog :)

    My Boyfriend Loves My Wobbly Bits

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  11. I effin LOVE bridget. "i can't liiiiiiiiiive if livin' is without yooooooooooooou"...

    Cheers to an amazeballs 2012. I can feel it.

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  12. Happy New Year. I've only ever read Bridget not seen the movie but I'm sure your wobbly bits top hers.
    I climaxed for the first time this year so 2011 rocked my lady parts but I must agree a warm body someone with a pulse would be nice.

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  13. I wish I had that 'hummm' situation ;)

    Here's wishing you (oh, and me too!!) a whole lotta romp under the sheets in 2012. Um, that's it, actually. Ugh, you can tell I'm sex depraved, right? lol

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  14. There is always next year! Ohh yah! Happy New Year!

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  15. Happy New Year Miss E- 2012 will be better. I just know it!

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  16. I left an awesome comment on here too and Blogger said "bitch, you may not leave a comment because you are crazy!"
    And I said "HEY! I'm not crazy!"
    "what are those voices? Do you here them?"
    2012 will be great!

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