Jul 29, 2011

I Quit Quitting

It is safe to say that the idea of quitting something, anything, is a fairly daunting task for someone with an obsessive personality, such as myself.

What? Me? Obsessive? Get the fuck outta here.

Yes. It's true.

At least, I believe that has become the universal classification for it. If that word didn't exist, I would prefer to consider myself to be a person that possesses intense conviction; I don't do anything half-assed.

Actually, the thought of that phrase perplexes me, since I'm very visual. Do you think that implies the top or bottom half of both ass cheeks, or just one cheek with the asshole entirely exposed and vulnerable to nature's elements?

Anyway, I digress.

Yes. I go full out when I decide I love or want something. When I go shopping, I shop like there's no tomorrow. When I started smoking, I smoked like a rock star. When I started fucking, I fucked like a champion. When I fall in love, I can't see straight. And of course, my first obsession would be with eating. When I eat, I can eat for a small village.

Fuck, I love food. Yummy, yummy food. Foodie. Food. Food.

Now, some people over-eat because they're depressed, or because they're happy. Some do it because of self-loathing. Some even eat simply because they're bored.

But here's the thing:
I'm not depressed (most of the time).
I'm happy (a lot of the time).
I think I'm awesome (twenty-four-seven).
I'm never bored (ever).

So why do I over-eat?
Because my belly is screaming, "Get that fucking fantastic food in here, bitch! NOW!" And really, how can one argue with their own internal organs? Maybe my love just runs too deep, like a tumor that has wrapped itself around a vein and is completely inoperable; we are one. Me, myself and food.

This brings me to the one thing that I do often, and that is quit diets. A lot.

They all work. That's not the problem. It's staying on them that is the problem. It's the perpetual cycle of hemorrhaging money to various institutions and companies, succeeding, becoming poor and then rebounding once I quit since I cannot afford the maintenance plans. It's absolutely obnoxious.

I have decided on the alternative, which is that I vow to be acceptably content with myself, just the way I am.
I will not attempt any more stupid fads or clubs or watchers of any sort. I still struggle every day not to over-eat, but I feel I can control myself on the majority of days. Also, since groceries have fucking sky rocketed in price the last 6 months, financial situations have actually helped me control my intake and what I actually buy and what I must now do without.

But that is it. I quit.
I have officially quit quitting diets. 
Or rather, I'm quitting them all together.
So let it be written.
So let it be done.

And for a special treat that I give myself in moderation... Blizzard? Baby! Here I come to face fuck you!
What size?
Don't be insulting.
Medium...
with extra topping.
Giddy'up!


27 comments:

  1. p.s. I have also smoked like a rock star,fucked like a champion and went blind with love. What a lifetime ago that was. Some days I miss yet. Yes, I too have an obsessive personality, I like to call it addictive more so than obsessive. I have a severely addictive personality. I NEED an addiction of SOMETHING to feel..normal. God, I'm fucked up.
    And I love food. GET IN MY BELLY I love food, but I also eat out of boredom, and depression and all around general Meh-ness.

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  2. I totally agree with April . . . I love you. This is a great post and I truly hope that you enjoyed that Blizzard . . . so yummy.
    Jenn

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  3. Dying laughing at the image of you face fucking a Blizzard. I keep saying I'm gonna quit eating altogether but come on. I love to stuff my face.

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  4. I want to see an Estrogen/Blizzard face fucking. That would break the internet with awesomeness.

    And as for quitting? Quitting's for quitters. Eye of the tiger, balls to the wall. Go get 'em...

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  5. nice bitch ;) miss ya hookerr!

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  6. Ohhh was it a Snickers blizzard no fudge extra Snickers.. Cause I LOVE those LOVE THEM>.

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  7. Every time we drive by DQ the twinkies yell, "Mommy! That's your favorite!!" They're right. Peanut butter and jelly blizzard. BAM!

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  8. Hellya. Fuck diets! Love the skin you are in...enjoy life and fantastic food its part of what makes life worth living. Pretty sure that's why we have taste buds so we can tell the difference between celery and blizzards.

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  9. I don't do ANYTHING half-assed. Full-assed is the only way to go.

    And screw the Blizzard. Get a Pecan Mudslide.

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  10. Thanks for shedding light on the nature of my relationship with food. Now I know what to call it. Yep, it's obsession. Funny how I never thought of it that way before, and all this time I (and just about every body around me) KNOW that I AM obsessive. Majorly obsessive.

    Shit. That was my first response upon reading this post. Then: shit, shit, SHIT!!! You mean I've got yet another obsession to get over with?? I'm THAT obsessive?!?! (little voice saying, yes I am) *slump*

    Here's to over-eating, to face-f*cking DQ's blizzards, to quitting quitting!!!


    PS: Now that you've mentioned it, I just realized one thing I never 'obsess' about. It's sex. Gawd dammit, it's sex, of all things!!! Ok, this post is making me depressed. LOL.

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  11. @singedwingangel
    I'm not huge on peanuts.
    Chocolate chip cookie dough all the way, baby! lol

    @Highlyirritable
    No screwing of the Blizzard, face-fucking only. Thanks.

    @Heidi Ho
    Yeah, celery sux.

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  12. Yeah, baby! Quit quitting- quit starting!
    Also, why you gotta say things like "Blizzard" to very pregnant lady? *getting in car*

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  13. I think half assed should include the entire asshole.....it gets so little exposure as it is.

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  14. @toddcarr

    Somehow I knew you'd zone in on that detail. x

    @Mommy Nani Booboo
    Go on - have one for me! You have an excuse, a free pass, if you will :)

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  15. Same here! I can't get shit done cuz I'm too busy on one obsession or the other!!

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  16. Eye of the tiger man....Eye of the tiger! Just like Apollo would have wanted, rest his flamboyant soul. You face fuck the hell outta that blizzard! I'll be doing the same with every bit of cruise food I can get my hands on when I get on that cruise ship next week! Rock on bitches!

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  17. I just found your blog and just in time... fuck diets. I fucking quit also!
    Whew... that was easy!

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  18. You go girl! I can't stick to exercise...I'm SO fecking lazy.

    Right, not being from your neck of the woods am I right in thinking Blizzard is Dairy Queen? Whenever we are over your side of the pond we live in Dairy Queen....

    and In N Out Burger

    and Krispy Kreme for that matter

    and actually Ruth Chris

    oh and Tim Hortons

    and not forgetting Smittys.

    Man I love food.

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  19. @SAHMlovingit
    A Blizzard is Dairy Queen; you are right. Mmmmmm!

    Ohh, haven't been to Ruth Chris in years!

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  20. I'm so proud of you!

    I have battled my "food addiction" which is actually me just being unable to stop eating because I love food, for a long time.

    Weight watchers is the only thing that has worked for me.

    I am not promoting it.

    I do not do it hard care, I eat candy and ice cream when I want. But I also stand back and love myself when I look in the mirror too now.

    YA BITCH.

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  21. Congrats on quitting quitting. I had quit smoking on and off for 2 years before I realized I hated quitting as much as I hated smoking. So without labels I just tried to minimize my smoking and life got a lot easier. It's nice to be able to not worry about breaking your own laws or changing from a condition of "successfully quit" to "failed." Just do what you want, moderate things as it feels good, and live your life like every day has worth!

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  22. @Fernweher
    Oh, yes! That's another one - an entirely different can of worms. Smoking just doesn't fit into my life at the moment, but Christ, do I miss it. I have an agreement with my hubs that if I make it to 60, I get to start up again. Yay!

    Wait. What's that? It's bad for my health? Yes, thanks for that, mom. I figured, it's all down hill from 60 anyway, might as well enjoy the downward spiral. HAHAHA

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  23. I have never been on a diet, but then I'm a grazer, I cant eat a full meal because half way through I've had enough. The funny thing is I probably eat more than you do in an actual day.

    I eat when I'm hungry and I stop when I'm satisfied, I don't eat to bloating. An hour or so later I'm hungry again but I'm feeding my body when it needs it not when my brain tells it too. It's way more fun, I just eat and eat and eat I just don't over eat in one go - try it :D

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  24. I totally agree with everything you said. I am the same way. I overindulge in everything I like :( Nobody believes me when I tell them I overeat because I simply love food. I have never been abused. I have friends. I love my family. I love my hubby. Life is good (although I wish someone would hire me full-time) ... I am going to do what you said and quit quitting diets. I've already lost 8 pounds. I refuse to give up :)

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