Jan 2, 2012

How Now, Fake Chow?

I decided to watch one of those movies where you see the preview and think, "Meh. One day, I'll watch it when it comes to TV." Well, for Hall Pass, now is that day. Over all, it was a fairly mediocre movie. If I said it was horrible, I would be lumping it in with other horrible movies such as Twilight or Spiderman 3, so I cannot in good faith say it was "horrible". I like mediocre; I'll stick with that description.

It is a Farrelly Brothers movie, so the humor is right up my alley, but only in isolated skits, rather than the movie in its entirety. I'm not going to do a full run down of the movie, but rather one bit that seriously perplexed me: Fake Chow.


Unless the woman is stoned, drunk or has otherwise been numbed from the brain down, who the fuck actually thinks that women cannot tell the difference between a tongue and a finger? Like, whhhhoa. I know it's just a movie, but... Damn right that she never let you forget it for three years! Idiot.

I further investigated this bullshit - straight to the source.

Oh, Tray dog...

Fingers with nails feel a hell of a lot different than a soft, moist tongue. I'm not saying that the finger isn't good - with the right talent driving those fingers, magic can truly happen. Why must one even "pretend"? If you're not in the mood to go down on a woman, just commit to giving her a great finger show. It's all good... BUT... it is like apples to oranges.

And I love apples.
And barely tolerate oranges.
They make my fingers smell.
Long story.
Short story? I'm weird.
Ahem.

A-N-Y-W-A-Y-S, please don't insult our intelligence, as women, and think that we won't notice the difference between the two.

Kaaaa-chow.

17 comments:

  1. Lol at the kachow. Seriously, who wouldn't know?

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  2. I...uh...um...err...how in the F can that be?
    I'm gonna go wake Mrs. Penwasser up and ask.
    Come to think of it, maybe I don't need to actually wake her up.
    Is that wrong?

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  3. I did not know about the term Fake Chow but yeah I haven't gotten either in ages but geez finger or tongue a chick knows. How could you not.

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  4. Only in your dreams, guys... How about if we rub yours with our fingers while we make noises like we're actually sucking a lollipop, and then call it a "blow job?"

    Duh. Dumb guys.

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  5. You know, Sweaty... when my girl "gives me a blowjob" she DOES tend to use her hands more than her mouth...

    Maybe I should call her on it? "What's up with the fake chow?"

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  6. I just posted a huge ass comment and Blogger said "NO, you may not comment on this blog!"
    will you switch already!

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  7. @Lost

    As long as she isn't smacking her lips and moaning, pretending that she IS using her mouth! Haha

    @Leighannn

    Those plans are on hold for now. Besides, WP ain't perfect either, there, missy. lol

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  8. I remember thinking the same exact things about the movie, that it was mediocre and that fake chow is ridiculous. And fake chow = fake orgasm, I'm sure.

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  9. unless the chick is drunk there is no way in heck you can make a finger feel like a tongue. lol.

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  10. I watched this movie and it did make me think. Hubby found it most amusing and said he'd have to try it...I may let him try it...you know, for research purposes and all. I'll report back on my findings ;)

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  11. @SAHM

    Remember to control your experiment. NO ALCOHOL. Well, I guess that's easy for you right now, eh, preggo? lol
    I await your report.
    Thanks :)

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  12. WOW, if my guy tried that on me, the next time he wanted to seal the deal, I would slap a rubber vagina between my legs and see how he liked it.

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  13. Even when drunk a girl can tell the difference. At least I can haha.

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  14. I had that same "BULLSHIT!" moment when I saw that scene. My thought was that this scene was obviously written by a man & no women were consulted in the making. Let's introduce the "faux blow". Next time your dude thinks you're going down on him, try hand jobbing him with a sandpaper glove on. He won't know the difference!

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  15. Yeah I was pretty "WTF" about that one myself...

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  16. ha yeah fake chow sounds stupid. Also agree with you that Spiderman 3 is one of the worst movies ever. Simply awful.

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  17. Dj panic attack,
    That fuckin movie was fuckin hilarious,but sometimes ive pulled it off doing the fake chow,its a proven fact,the key is make shure the girl is super horny and supper wet!!

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