Second Place is Fucking Awesome

Sep 21, 2011


OK. It's a whole new fucking ballgame.
Heather, my love? There's a new sherrif in town.
I'm like a kid with a new toy.
It's a brand new day.
All that and a bag of chips.

OK, that's enough. I'm just a little excited, can you tell?

Here's the thing. Yes, women discuss masturbation, however, with the volume turned down low and hoping no one is listening too closely. When a woman says it loud and proud, there are always a few jaws that drop. Even with close friends, we never just causally weave into a conversation, "Wow, I totally got myself off last night; it was awesome." Of course not... until now.

I totally said that. And I'll say it again.

Why? Because all these years, when we were whispering to each other about female masturbation, we were asking the WRONG question. It shouldn't have been "Do you?" It should have been "Do you... finish?"

Because the answer for many would be a big fat "NO" including me. Sure, I had Mr. Purple for a few years and various toys and miniature baseball bats named Ricky before that, and although they were pleasurable, I never climaxed on my own. I could only orgasm with a man (or woman), how about 'person'. Yeah, I'll use 'person'. I would just play around until I had had enough and then I'd stop. This might also better explain my horrific 18 month dry spell I had last year. What a fucking catastrophe that was -- and would NEVER have had to have happened if I knew then what I know now.

If we had a nickel for every time we said that to ourselves, right? *Big sigh*

So, enough beating around the bush, so to speak. I got the aesthetically breath-taking nJoy Fun Wand a couple months ago; it had come highly recommended. It was definitely not the usual shape I would normally look for in a 'dildo-like' toy but I was willing to give it a whirl. Besides, what the fuck do I know?

It is designed for both ends to be used, and to be used for both ends. Ahem. Well, if you're a regular reader, you would know
I DO NOT DO THAT, but I thought I'd at least mention its possibilities.

I should add that I often add a motorized element (like a mini bullet) to speed up the external clitoral stimulation process - but I'm still working on my A game, adjusting and fine-tuning, if you will. This is made specifically for a G-spot simulator and the blend of the curved shape, the steel, and the contour bulbs is a fucking winning combination.

I actually scared myself the first time I climaxed with it. It was like, hang on, I know this feeling... what the heck is going on?
It's starting! Oh yeah, wow, uh huh, really? Yes, holy fuck. WHOA! YIPPIEE!

Now? I don't stop until I've had at least 2, but 4 on average. I've seen the light and I want to show this light to all my friends that are currently in the darkness.

Hubs glumly asked me if he was now redundant. Awe, of course not! (Although I think he was actually hoping for a 'yes' to that question.) At the end of the day, nothing tops the feeling of being with another person. The warmth, emotions and intimacy is irreplaceable, but by gawd, I've never been so fucking impressed with second place. It truly is a brand new day!

And in case you're wondering?
No, I don't leave the house much these days.


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This is not sponsored post, I just HAD to spread the love.

18 comments:

  1. Lost.in.Idaho said...:

    I have never had the opportunity to hear a woman go "whoa" and "yippiee" during an orgasm.

    I've heard moans. I've heard my name. I've heard babbling nonsense.

    I've even had the chance to hear a woman sing her O.

    Sing.

    But yippie?? I need to shag a cowgirl. Maybe I'd get a 'yee-haw' too...

    And by the way? Guys love hearing women talk about this sort of stuff. I'm stirring as I type this (sorry for the creeper vibe, if I'm projecting one...)

  1. I'm stirring as I type this (sorry for the creeper vibe, if I'm projecting one...)

    How much coffee do you drink while reading blogs? ;)

  1. pglm said...:

    we woman need to talk about this more out loud and with gusto...if we did more women would be walking around with a smile and feeling satisfied....I think I want one of these .............funny and relavant post...

  1. SAHMlovingit said...:

    Just spat tea on my new lap top goddamit!

    I love my Anne Summers deluxe rabbit. That is all.

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @Lost

    Sing?! Well that is something special, for sure.

    YIPPIEE, INDEED.

    @SAHMlovingit

    Mr. Purple was a rabbit - it never brought me there. I'm sure it's different strokes for different folks... ahem.

    I'm just elated I finally found what works for me.

  1. Random Girl said...:

    Woah,,, a Yippie-inducing O?? I want one! I have a healthy collection of all things lady toys but this one is shiny and pretty, and given your glowing recommendation, effective. Perhaps I shall add to the collection soon.... thanks for the great product review!

  1. Fox in the City said...:

    Well now, this is one hell of a post to read while taking a break . . . at work! I am very happy that you have found your Whoa - Yippee - OMfingG O . . . I firmly believe that the world is a better place because of that. ;)
    Jenn

  1. Um...............................

    .................................

    .................................

    ahem.............................

    .................................

    .................................

    ........ email me please....LOL!.

    So... metal, huh? ;)

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @sweaty

    I know, right! Whould'ya thought?!

    lol

  1. Cyn said...:

    i am googling this little gem now -- in case there is a locale nearby that sells so i can skip the whole *waiting for mail* thingy!

    thanks for spreading the (self) love -- always looking for yippee approved toys!

    ♥cyn♥
    misadventures of a chunky goddess

  1. Leighannn said...:

    I will need all the details on this
    Asap

  1. karen said...:

    Hmmmm interesting indeed......
    I too have problems in that...umm area. Mostly to do with medications I'm on, unfortunately.
    It really sucks too, it's either feel like crap or get my O back. Knowing there's a "toy" out there that might do the trick? Cool!

  1. Mmmm..who is your Heather?
    I am looking this up now;) great post!

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @basilmomma

    Hehehe. Thanks.

    And it's a quote from the movie Heathers.
    x

  1. Pamela Gold said...:

    There's a first time for everything. Me and my rabbit? Besties.

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @Pamela

    The rabbit didn't do it for me - and I even wore it out trying? Hehe

  1. Sofia's Ideas said...:

    Awesome. Pure awesome. ;0

  1. Etcette Era said...:

    I'm still stuck on the part about women, like yourself, not being able to orgasm when masturbating!!!
    Until maybe a few years ago, that was the only way I could. No 'person' ever helped me before, and it wasn't always to their lack of skills. I assume it was something psychological. I was probably feeling guilty that they had to spend so much time on me to make it happen, which made it take more time...etc. and so on.

    Really? A lot of women don't come??? I am outraged. GET ON THAT, GIRLS!

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