Me: Umm... yeah! Of course.
H: OK. I'm ready for it.
M: Here it comes. It might be cold...
Sssspppllluurrrgghh Ssssppllluurrrggghh Ssssssspppllurrrrrrrggghhhhhhh
(That's the sound of drawing a smiley face around his groin in spray whipped cream.)
H: Ohhh, a little bit cool, but it's OK. Nothing seems to be going into hiding because of it.
So, now you're all thinking this is going to be a run down of a kinky blow job that I gave my husband
that involved a lot of whipped cream. Sorry. No.
Long story short:
Lick. Lick. Moan. Moan.
Suck. Lick. Slurp.
Switched it up.
Whipped cream on my nips...
Sssspppllluurrrggghh Ssssppllluurrrgggghh
Lick. Lick. Suck. Moan. Moan.Sexy times.
Kind of sticky but fairly good. An overall B+/A-
We were lying in bed afterwards, extraordinarily comfortable when the question came up...
H: Are you going to put the whipped cream away?
M: Can you do it?
H: I really don't want to get up. I will pay you 20 bucks if you do it!
M: TWENTY BUCKS? I can just let it go bad and buy a new one... or four.
H: Ugh! Fine. Let it go bad. I don't care.
M: Don't get so touchy. I know it's annoying you. I have to get up to shower anyway; I'll do it.
H: You could have led with that.
M: Where's the fun in that?
H: How old are you?
M: Old enough to lick whipped cream off your balls.
H: Classy.
M: I didn't hear you complaining, darling.
(I get up to go downstairs, putting on my robe)
I'm still holding you to that 20 bucks though.
THIS CHANGES NOTHING, MOTHERFUCKER!
Oh, and by the way, there's still enough for another go, just saying.
H: We'll see. When's the expiry date?
M: Not for another couple weeks.
H: Then ask me again in 2 weeks.
M: Humfph.
So, did I climax?
If, when 'climax' refers to when I filled my mouth with whipped cream directly from the bottle
before returning it to the fridge? Ohhhhh, baby! Fuck yeah, I did!
before returning it to the fridge? Ohhhhh, baby! Fuck yeah, I did!
Sssssssssppppppllluurrrrrrrgggghh...
WooHoo! Next time try grape jelly.
ReplyDeleteHa! Married life for ya!
ReplyDeleteUgh. My husband and I will do ANYTHING not to go downstairs once we've gotten in bed. AN-Y-THING!
ReplyDeleteFor my husband's 25th birthday, I decided to take naughty pictures of myself and post them around the house scavenger-hunt style for when he woke up in the morning. Taped inside the fridge was a picture of me with a whipped-cream bikini. Or so he thought.
Whipped cream is a slippery little bastard. Plop, plop, plop from my body all over the floor.
Time for the shaving cream! Worked like a dream.
When the husband saw the pic, he was all, "ooh whipped cream. yummy."
Uh huh. Sure honey. Yummy.
I need me some whipped cream. PRONTO.
ReplyDeleteEven if there's no balls to go along with it.
My whipped cream story ended with a cold wet washcloth and "this was way too much". So sexy.
ReplyDeleteAnd Sweaty, I always prefer my whipped cream ball free.
Yum
ReplyDelete@sarcasmgoddess
ReplyDeleteYou're a trickster. I like it.
@Notblessed
Yes, balls free is likely the best, hence, the climax. LOL
I'd of thought after that, that'd be his duty to go put it in the fridge plus bring you a little refreshment. Jeez.... can't get the staff (oops husbands) these days oxoxo
ReplyDeleteLady E you are a life saver!!
ReplyDeleteIf I hadn't read this BEFORE logging into the dating website this morning (it's a social experiment ok ;) who know's what trouble I'd be in by now!
@Sarah Mac
ReplyDeleteCareful there, I married my social experiment. Ahem.
The ending? My favorite part and oh so truthful!
ReplyDeleteYahoo for typed out sound effects. They made this post! And you nailed the sounds of whipped cream perfectly!
ReplyDelete@RandomGirl
ReplyDeleteI checked out that sound effect with Ida Homie first. He's the master.
Loved every bit of this post, except for the part of hubs. He needs to step up his game, before a dude like me tries to move in on his girl...
ReplyDeleteI tried the whipped cream once, but didn't have a can of the stuff. Just a carton of whipping cream.
Long story short, dolloping it on with a spoon is BY FAR less sexy, and makes an awkward FFFTHWOPPPF sound... B-/C+ experience, but at least everyone climaxed in my story...
Surely that spray cream is UHT - lasts for bloody years that stuff!
ReplyDeleteOn a side note I'd need to take my lactose free at the minute. ;-)
This makes me think "Oil or Cream?" "Oil or Cream?" Do you have that commercial, uh, down under? god I hope so!!
ReplyDeleteTwenty bucks?
ReplyDeleteThat's it?
I must be a mess. This is what I thought of when I read your post:
ReplyDeleteI hate a cat that loved canned whipped cream. We'd give it to him on a little plastic tupperware lid every night before bed. He came running at the sound of it.
@Marianna
ReplyDeleteBahaha. My dogs would come running from anywhere in the house when they heard the spray cream - they love it too.