I've always been a bit of a fusspot about this. If a shower is not an option to do a full taco flush before some oral sex activities (which I'd obviously prefer), I would at least cup some water in my hand and give myself a little whore bath.
Oh, yes, I do.
What has always amazed me is the complete LACK of fusspot'ness from men when the same favor is about to be returned. I mean, really... my face is about to be buried in your crotch - a face that contains all of the senses and can experience things simultaneously (whether we want to or not). One nudge for a blow job is given and, wham! The bologna pony is out of the gate like a shot - no hesitation.
Things that should be questioned are:
When was the last time you showered?
If it was today, have you done any heavy lifting or perspiration-causing activities since said shower?
Have you had the trots today?
How long since you had a pee? And, did you shake well?
Did you have asparagus for lunch? Or perhaps beans?
These are important questions, people!
I've devised some definitions to explain these issues that, as a seasoned cock-sucker (see, that's not always used as an insult), I have come to be made unpleasantly familiar with.
The No Tub Chub
Either he hasn't showered in more than 24hrs, or his manly musk is packing a punch, suggesting that a wash would be beneficial to both of you.
The Sweaty Dipstick
Slightly related to No Tub Chub, but focusing more on texture than smell. There is something really off-putting about a guy's meat n' veg being overly, umm, moist upon first contact. Eww. Get a pat-down there, champ!
The No Shake Trouser Snake
I think a lot of guys take for granted the importance of the post-piss squeeze and shake. I get it - they've been doing it for so long, it's not even thought about anymore, but please, if there is a possibly of getting a blow job in the immediate future, give it a second, or even third thought, because having the first mouthful of dick taste like urine isn't exactly a motivator.
The Hint o' Stinky Winky
There it is, when going more and more south... the lingering hint of his excrement. Fucking hell, man.
And, a special shout out needs to go the crowning glory...
The TeePee Nuggets
Sadly, this is not even an isolated incident or guy. While exploring the more under-parts of a man's business WITH MY MOUTH and discovering dried on pieces of toilet paper on his sack. Com'on, dude! That's what the Loofah Scrub is for - they make them long for a reason. The worst part is that I didn't even skip a bob. I just flicked it off like a fucking trooper... every time.
So, the next time a woman is feeling slightly self-conscious about her business right before impending oral sex, just remember, he doesn't exactly smell, or look, or feel like roses either.