Oct 31, 2011

Halloween Special: Zombie Dating

I thought I would organize a special, ummm, treat for Halloween. I've been having so much fun getting my readers of "the male persuasion" do a little writing over here, and this just might be the weirdest one yet. (Which  is saying a lot since I had Tim make an appearance last week. Ahem) I usually do guest posts on Wednesdays, but what the hell... it's mutherfukkin' Halloween, y'all! Oooowwwee!


I think it's safe to say that we as humans think we have it pretty hard when it comes to dating. We bitch and moan about having the worst dates ever or doing something totally embarrassing. However, there are others out there who have it much worse than we might think... Those "others" I speak of are the race of the humble zombies, and what we might think of as a "bad" date, they see as a cake walk. 

Now to get you all in the Halloween Holiday spirit, I present to you...

Top 5 Awkward Moments In Zombie Dating: (Zombie Guy Edition)

{Photo credit: Marissa Martin}
5. Showing up to your date still wearing the same clothes you were bit in. 
(Come on, man! Just because you are a zombie doesn't mean you got to look like a slob! Dress out of that bath robe you were attacked in and put on a nice suit or something.)

4. Accidentally biting your date when you catch a human together.
(I know you hunger for the warm flesh of a human and all, but seriously! Show a little self control and let the lady have the first bite.)

3. Finding out your date is still Human.
(Your dad is going to be maaaaaaad...)

2. Getting shot right before you meet your date.
(Awww man, and you just put on that suit too!)

And, the Number 1 Awkward Moment 
In Zombie Dating: 
Having your zom-sausage fall off right before you lay some pipe.
(Worse than erectile dysfunction. You may as well just put your clothes back on and leave with your dignity.)

There you have it folks! I hope you all have a fresh new look on the world of dating now that you have seen the worse side of it all. Have yourself a Happy Halloween and be sure to read more of my stuff at Zombies Everywhere!


  1. Yeah, number one does seem like it would be a little awkward. For both parties.

  2. I'm reminded of that Friends episode where Joey made himself a deli meat dick to get a part where the guy was uncircumcised, and it fell off in the audition. Classic!

  3. Did someone have their period on your front page? lol. Thanks again for featuring me! :D

  4. Man, I hate it when the zombie sausage falls off.

  5. I think the Zom Sausage scene was actually plagiarized from Thriller video footage that didn't make the cut.

    Just sayin'.

  6. @Desperate Housemommy

    Isn't everything plagiarized from Thriller? lol

  7. OMG- Zombie sausage- my coffee just came out my nose! Thanks for posting my daughters pic- you are awesomeness!- Denise

  8. My least favorite part of zombie dating is having to give BRAIN... I hate sharing. Was that gross?

  9. Sometimes I feel like I'm the zombie, though. lol.

  10. @The Tsaritsa

    I LOVE that - I just know there's a dirty zombie t-shirt design in there somewhere. lol

  11. I am confused by the zombie picture. The girl looks human still and feeling sexy while the undead freak show is about to chomp on her jugular.

    What the hell bobby?

  12. @Leighann

    It's zombie love - she pulls off the undead rather well, don't ya think?

  13. Oh, I'm going to THROW UP!!! That last paragraph is disgusting! Creative, yes, but really, really gross. Where's the trash can?


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