Oct 14, 2011

The Canucker Fucker

During my dating career (I use the word career because it felt like an eternity and it was really hard work) I had come to label certain characteristics of men in order to slot them into categories; I’m sure we’ve all done this, both men and women.

Jocks. Metalheads. Burnouts. D&D Dorks. Skids... and I could go on for quite some time, but I’ll restrain myself. The one that came to piss me off the most is what I’d like to think is an original term of my devise:
The Canucker Fucker

The Canucker Fucker has 3 very particular traits that, although not overly annoying on their own, putting them together made me dry heave.

1. Excessively listens to The Tragically Hip (If you don’t know who they are, they are like Canadian music rock royalty... and I hate them.)

2. Loves the Toronto Maple Leafs

3. Wears car logo hats.

Perhaps it was because this pretty much described half of the guys from my high school, but no matter, I tried my damnedest to steer clear of any guy that shared this lethally annoying combination.

On the third date with a particular fellow, I felt it was about that time I put out; he had failed to disappoint me up to that point, so that was a good sign! After the initial make out session on his couch, he led me to his bedroom. When he opened up the door, this is what I saw:

1. Giant (24x36in) framed gig poster of The Tragically Hip hanging over his bed

2. Toronto Maple Leafs pillowcase & duvet cover

3. VW baseball cap hanging on the bed post.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I tried not to be horrifically disappointed and I powered though the sex...
and then a while later, I married him.

Apparently, he truly was a Canucker Fucker and I just so happened to be the Canuck.
Does that mean the joke’s on me?

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Originally posted on Finding One's Way.

11 comments:

  1. I'm assuming you had a garage sale to get rid of all his shit, right?

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  2. And I thought I was lame for being an overly-anxious virgin!

    You win. Nerd.

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  3. All these traits kinda sound like a Canadian version of an American hipster. lol.

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  4. I've never heard of Tragically Hip. But, you should never bang a guy that has a band poster hanging over his bed.

    You're welcome.

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  5. @Zombie

    It's more like an American frat boy!
    Ugh.

    @Bridget

    Consider yourself a lucky woman.

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  6. hmmm... I'm not a fan of Canucker Fuckers from the sound of it. But then, what do I know, I married my husband, who was NOT a Canucker Fucker, but turned out to be a rat-bastard anyway.

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  7. Ha! I love that it ended up being your husband.

    I lived with a Canadian in college, who turned me onto the Hip. But since I live in Texas, where no one has ever heard of them, it's not so bad, eh? Because I hate mainstream, so if I lived in Canadia, I probably wouldn't like them just out of principle. #pleasestillthinkimcool

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  8. omg, no way! I've always been curious to know more about how you and the Mr. met and how he managed to woo the self-proclaimed Cunt Dragon.
    Tell us more!

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