22 Things I've Done

I've been a little slack with the writing prompts lately, but since reading MultitaskingMumma's version, I thought I'll step up to the plate and take a swing at it. Besides, it's a post all about me - how can any good self-proclaimed narcissist turn THAT down? Sheesh.

1. I have lived in 3 continents.
2. I have driven an Army Hummer on a beach.
3. I have eaten kangaroo.
4. I have been to Ayers Rock twice (likely once too many; it's a big red rock in the complete middle of fucking nowhere, between hell and nothingness).
5. I have done Ecstasy three times; it did nothing for me.
6. I managed to hide a fender bender from my father for an entire month, then I just blamed it on the high school parking lot. Phew.
7. I made a plaster cast of my mother's breasts for a sculpture about breast cancer. It was mother/daughter bonding at it's most awkward.
8. I have been in love with probably 3 men that could have all been "the one", maybe 4, depending on circumstances.
9. I have attended SEVEN universities and/or colleges. I like school.
10. I was arrested when I was 14.
11. I have eaten an entire box of Reese cereal whilst being extraordinarily stoned.
12. I have done #11 with a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch as well. I may or may not have been stoned that time; I have no defense, really.
13. I have cheated.
14. I taught high school for 3 years; turns out I hate other people's hormonal children, but not nearly as much as I hate red tape and jumping through hoops, all in the name of "education". It's a bullshit broken system.
15. I have dropped my camera in a toilet full of my own pee.
16. I have been pregnant more than once.
17. I was a competitive public speaker; my most successful speech was entitled, "People are strange".
18. I got H.P.V. when I was 19.
19. I had to be escorted by a security guard through the gates when I left Australia the first time. I was completely fucking hysterical. If it was today's social climate, I have no doubt I would have been put on the "no fly" list.
20. I have traveled internationally for both softball and basketball.
21. I got my very first speeding ticket this year. I almost passed out from the terror of being pulled over by a State Trooper (yes, it was in the States, fucking help me). It was a woman; I was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Still, the whole time, I wanted her to show me a photo and say, "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY?"
22. And although spanning over the last 4 days, I have managed to eat an entire pumpkin cake all by myself.