When I worked in retail, or worse yet, at Walmart, any simple thing could help pass the time; distractions were always welcomed whenever possible, such as new video games in the Electronics Department, or trying on all the low quality diamond rings in the Jewelry Department.
Now imagine a distraction that had a penis hanging between his legs. Oh, baby!
Stefan was the reason that got me to drag my ass to that soul-sucking job for 15-20 hours a week. He was not the usual bad boy that I was drawn to. He was soft-spoken, clean-cut and had the most kind and soulful eyes. If I had to liken him to anyone, it would have to be Agent John Myers (Rupert Evans) in Hellboy. Sometimes I think that maybe my standards changed slightly because anything was better that the sweaty 400lb Customer Service Manager that I worked with, but regardless, he was some degree of hot on anyone's scale.
Also? His name was Stefan Ferrel and since I was Stephanie Farrell, it was an additional turn on; I enjoy funky shit like that. Trust me, the weirdest one is yet to be written.
There was a road block, however. A giant, annoying road block and her name was Martha. Martha also clearly lusted after Stefan. The two of us would compete for his attention - or rather - she would compete with me. As I have mentioned before, I'm built like a brick shithouse, but this girl had an additional 4 inches on me, both in height and width. Yeah, yeah, size doesn't matter - BULLSHIT. For once in my life, I was SMALLER than the competition. Call me what you will, but I enjoyed that shallow and rare ace in my pocket.
Martha would have been that keener that sat in the front row in class; she answered every question and wore nothing but Northern Reflections jogging pants and sweatshirts with snowflakes and bunnies on them.
Yes, that was her.
As for me? I had pixie-short BLUE hair, an eyebrow ring and wore fitted ringer t-shirts that said things like "Etch A Sketch: The World's First Laptop". Needless to say, this girl got on my nerves, which was only compounded with her lame attempts to set me on fire with her death stares. Paaaaa-sssshhhhhaa! Easy there, killer.
Finally, I got an invite to go out with Stefan OUTSIDE of work hours. I was so fucking excited; it had been months, which was longer than I usually invested into a conquest.
Almost the exact same time I showed up to his place, Martha pulled up behind me! What the hell? Apparently, it wasn't a "date" but a "friends" outing to which he invited us both. I was livid and I wanted to kick that sasquatch back to whatever forest to whence she came. We uncomfortably hung out at his place for a few minutes, trying to pretend that the other wasn't there. For the first time I noticed that Stefan was wearing jewelry around his neck; I was intrigued, "Oh, what's that?"
"Ah, yes. It's my Chastity ring." He said very proudly and sincerely, "I don't like wearing it to work in case it gets caught on anything."
Whoa! Back up there, sport; your chastity what now? That is what I was thinking, but in reality, I just stood there and grinned like it didn't totally make me want to claw my own eyes out in frustration with the corner of the condom wrapper I had in my purse.
Saint Martha Sasquatch chimed in while waving her pudgy ring finger, "Oh yes. I have mine too!"
Of course you do, Martha. Of. Course. You. Do.
Right then I realized I had just wasted 3 months of my life with a couple of Kumbaya-singing mother fuckers that I would never get back. I looked at my watch and made up some bullshit story; I didn't even bother with attempting to be believable. "Ugh. I just remembered I have an essay I have to do for tomorrow! You crazy kids are going to have to have fun without me."
I saw a grotesque smirk appear on Martha's face while I was making my swift exit, but I didn't care; I let her have her sad little moment. Bitch, you could HAVE him! The only time I wanted a guy praying to God was if he was trying not to cum too soon while I was riding him like a mechanical bull.
Chastity ring, indeed.