Aug 10, 2011

A Finger Cuff and Other Stuff

Although I attempt to convince people on a regular basis that I am, in fact, not an idiot, I have recently done two things that have pretty much put me back at the starting line, so to speak.

Last week, there was my stellar health scare, brought on solely by my absent mindedness. Then, yesterday, a friend posted a photo on their Facebook page of two people wearing "I Love DP" t-shirts. They were apparently marketing for Dr. Pepper.

OK. So, the stream of comments continued to go to a dirty, dirty place but just hinting at the under-lying innuendos and not actually spelling it out. Luckily, I was smart enough NOT to post my question on Facebook, but I inquired privately. What the hell is so funny? What is the OTHER meaning for DP? Am I missing something here?

Response: Are you fucking serious?

No, I'm joking. (eye roll) OF COURSE I'm serious.

Ummm, Double Penetration? Duh!

Awe, shit. Nope. I never would have guessed that. And to make things even more embarrassing, I asked my husband if he knew what it was and he said it straight away - and also laughed at me - and he doesn't know sweet fuck all about anything dirty! It was a sad and disappointing day for Lady Estrogen.

On a side note, my husband has begun referring to Lady Estrogen as if
she's another person apart from myself. It's fucking hysterical.

Regardless of what some people might have come to think of me as being one way, whether it be on this blog, Twitter or in 'real life', I am not, in fact, a walking, talking encyclopedia of dirty phrases. Do I wish I was? Well, that's besides the point! After all, Sue Johanson is my hero. The reality is, however, that I am not. In order to redeem myself, here's a list of twenty phrases that I actually do know:
Daisy Chain
Brown Necktie
Jersey Turnpike
Punching Possums
Ham & Cheese Sandwich
Three-eyed Turtle
Dirty Sanchez
Angry Dragon
Pulling a Moses
Donkey Punch
Cold Lunch
Finger Cuffs
Airplane Blonde
Cleveland Steamer
Flooding the Cave
Guppy Mouth

(And, yes, I did attempt to list these phases to vaguely resemble a phallus.)

So, if you don't know any of these, just let me know. I'll be more than happy to enlighten you - and I will not make fun of you or accuse you of living in a sheltered bubble like SOME people. Promise.

What can I say? I must've been having a blonde moment... for a very, very long time, or so it seems. At least I made him laugh. Even if it was at my expense, I'll still take it.

I take it which ever way I can get it.

Laughs, that is!


You people and your dirty minds.

Oh. And to Ida_homie - If this post doesn't set my Clean Meter to god damn explode, I'll be seriously fucking disappointed.


  1. I had a naive DP moment once. Made a Facebook status like "I'd give anything for a DP right now." Took me a while to live that one down.

  2. This is where I tell you those explosions are photoshopped in...

    Am I good or what?

    Oh, and DP? Try it. Toy + Boy. You'll approve...

    And you're telling me you don't know what a Rusty Trombone is?!?

  3. I must be a virgin, I have no idea what those 20 things are eek. Enlighten me please!

    (or do I really want to know??)

  4. Aside from a Dirty Sanchez, Snowballing and a Donkey Punch I don't know them. There I said it.
    As for DP here at work we sell Dr. Peppers so when someone came up to me and asked for two DP's at first I was like wtf why are you asking me for sex. Then he looks at me and goes Dr. Peppers so I said ahhh okay then later posted to my facebook is it wrong that when asked for a DP I thought he meant something other than Dr. Pepper. No one answered which should sum up my friends.

  5. @Leigh Ann
    Awesome. I knew there was a reason we were friends ;)

    Nothing goes in the exit door. Nothing. Ever again.

    Me and you need to chat. I will enlighten you. HAHA

    That's awesome. People actually are lazy enough they don't even say Dr. Pepper?! I'm amazed.

  6. This is why I love Google. I never have to appear to be ignorant about anything. I AM drive heaving a little over some of these definitions, but at least I know what they mean! What ever happened to good old fashioned, wholesome cunnilingus?

  7. Okay, I knew what DP was and I was curious as to why people were where t-shirts telling the world about their sex life . . . but hey, to each their own.

    That being said, you have stumped me with some of the phrases that you know. In fact, truth be told, I think I only know two of them.

  8. @Fox

    Oh, how I LOVE that you ONLY knew the dirty version and not the drink. BAHAHAHA.

    Yes, Google and the Urban Dictionary have been my saviors. I probably just should have done that instead of asking him, but I had no idea he'd make so much fun of me. That's what friends are for, right? ;)

  9. I'm having difficulty w/ the tree eyed turtle & the Cleveland Steamer....hmmmm. can you enlighten?

  10. @todd

    Well, basically plugging the holy trinity is the 3-eyed turtle.

    Is that blasphemy? Probably. Oh well.

    And the CS? Well... think poo stains.

    'Nuff said.

  11. Lady-E. OK, first, I'm here from I- DEE-Ho's place.

    Second, this would be hilarious if i knew what an Airplane Blonde is.

    I've got one for you. Know what an FRP is?

  12. @Mooner

    Humm - well, I just looked it up - there are a couple versions and I've whittled it down to a possible of 2. We'll leave it at that, shall we? lol

    Airplane blonde - when her top color doesn't match the bottom - probably THEE safest/tamest one on the list. HA.

  13. I'll admit I don't know what most of those are.

    But I knew what DP meant so we'll call it a draw, shall we?

  14. Let's just say I'll be burning up Google looking these up...I have no idea what most of these are! LOL!

  15. all right, now how is that I know what DP is yet I don't know what almost any of the stuff is listed above??
    And quite, i'm afraid to find out what half of that shit means. haha!

  16. I'm sad to see that you totally overlooked Pearl Necklace, Dirty Sanchez and the ever-so-sexy Circle Jerk.
    ... vom in my mouth...

  17. I only know what three of these mean! I feel so inadequate.

  18. Does this mean that my sara lee ham & kraft american cheese sandwich is actually naughty?

  19. did you get my last comment? or did it get lost?

  20. @France

    Got it! And yes, I hope every time you have that sandwich from now on, you recoil and think of me - that would warm my heart. LOL

    Dirty Sanchez is there, babe!
    I left out Pearl Necklace because I thought that was an easy one. And Circle Jerk - hummm... I think I can take a guess at that one. HAHA

  21. OMG! Mr. B & I used to watch Sue Jo EVERY week. But I can't find her on t.v. anymore. :( It makes me sad.

    I LOVE that your husband refers to Lady E as a whole new entity. That's hilarious!

    Are you going to start talking about 'her' in third person? That would be dope!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.