Aug 19, 2011

When I Got Popped

My first half of grade 12 was strolling along nicely, I was doing OK but then just after mid-terms I started feeling incredibly tired... all the time. This wasn’t the normal tiredness that often afflicts teenagers – it was a super-natural force of anti-energy and I was powerless to fight it. My mother was on my case for a couple weeks and then even she couldn’t ignore that it wasn’t like me to be this way. She took me to the doctor and he concluded that I had a pretty bad case of Mono (Glandular Fever). All I could really do is stay home from school and sleep. 

Hummm... I think that can be arranged! I did get some of the important assignments sent home for me to do, but for the most part, it was just me, my pyjamas and Days of Our Lives.

Anyway, after the month was up, I went back to the doctor and apparently I was fine to go back to school, but my spleen was enlarged. This is a common symptom of Mono, but mine was really, really swollen. It was actually noticeable through my body – so gross! My instructions were simple – go to school, but that’s it! No sports.

No basketball.
No hockey.
No volleyball.
Noooo sports! 
He stressed it about 3 more times before I left his office. Thanks! I think I got it; no sports!

When I got back, it was nice seeing all my friends again. A month in high school time was a like an entire season of 90210 – I missed so much! I talked to a few on the phone, but it definitely wasn’t the same. At lunch break, I finally got to see Justin.

Oh, Justin.

He was 6’11” of pure hotness with crystal blue eyes and a smile that set my pants on fire. I would have gladly contracted my Mono from him, but sadly my sexual liaisons with Justin occurred only in my head. We were really close friends, of course - story of my fucking life. He was not hard to miss since he towered over most people at school; I saw him near the gym doors at the end of the hall. I yelled for him before he entered the gym. “JUSTIN!”

He looked over and shot me one of his million dollar smiles. “Heeeey! Look who’s finally decided to come back to the land of the living!” He ran towards me and swept me off my feet, literally. He gave me a bear hug and then threw me over his shoulder, into the fireman’s hold. A few of the other basketball guys were there and they all thought it was entertaining. Of course, I loved every second of this hands-on attention. He opened the doors that led outside and tossed me into a tall snow bank. We both had a good laugh and then we went inside together. I sat on the bench and watched them – since I was forbidden to play.

I started to feel uncomfortable later that afternoon and by the time I got home, I was hunched over it absolute agony; I could hardly walk. My mother arrived home to find me curled up in the foetal position and screaming in pain, so she took me to the hospital. I was still crying and wincing when they put me on to the gurney.

My doctor was there; he pursed his lips in disappointment, “You were playing sports, weren’t you! I knew it. I knnnnnew you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“No! I promise! I haven’t... Owwww! I didn’t... Ahhhhh!”


I really couldn’t concentrate long enough to think about what I did... and then it finally hit me... Justin’s bear hug. I told the doctor and he rolled his eyes profusely. My spleen was like an over-inflated water balloon and when Justin hugged me, it popped.

Well... in reality, it was more like a tear. I had to be admitted into the hospital but at least they didn’t need to operate – luckily. I stayed doped up on pain medication (maybe a bit more than I actually needed) and there I was... for yet another week off school... although this time I got daily phone calls from Justin (fuelled by guilt no doubt, but his concern for me was heaven) and the second best part? 

I was back watching Days of Our Lives, which I must say, whilst high on Demerol, was marvelously more entertaining .

Justin's note for me on the back of his school photo ;)


  1. ahhh...I want to see the other side of his photo! :) he sounds like a dreamboat....I am channeling that A-Ha Take on Me video, that glistening dude drawn all cartoon like.

  2. i got mono my senior year & had to skip sports for the same reason, but i was thrilled to have an excuse to avoid gym class! however, i didn't get to have a hottie pop my spleen for me when i was sick. good job!

  3. Somehow this is not what I had in mind when I read the title roflmbo.. me and my dirty mind. Ugh I cannot imagine being that sick and having my spleen pop.. yeah that even sounds painful as heck.

  4. Man I thought my high school case of mono, sinusitis and pneumonia all mixed together was bad. At least nothing popped!

    And of course I thought you were talking about a different type of popping.

  5. When I saw "When I Got Popped" my teenage boy's brain (it's still in my gray head) thought, "Goody! Porn!"
    Even though I was disappointed, this was a VERY good story.
    Because, after all, everything can't be about porn.
    Especially if it concerns nuns.
    And spleens.
    But mostly nuns.

  6. I'm just gonna sit here for a bit saying, "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Because the word "popped" just makes it sound so goddamn painful!

  7. I too was picturing something completely different from the title, didn't think it would be quite so....literal! You two are forever bound by a bear hug and busted spleen. How many people can say that? Great story!

  8. Oh for goodness sake, email me the other side of the picture please, so he can set MY pants on fire!!! LOL

    ps: I know I'm being a pain in the arse, but I've got to say it...
    I'm not really liking that "you'll always be a great friend" bit. Hey Justin, maybe a great friend... with benefits? wink, wink.

  9. I'm with Todd, I want to see the pic. I loved the anecdote. It's the best part of blogging :-)


  10. @sugar-free

    Yes, the pain was ridiculous!


    I'm literal, every once and a while. haha


    Nope. No benefits - and the friendship ended rather monumentally as well. Ugh.

  11. I love this story! Well except the pain part, but still.

  12. Well, that's the best reason to pop your spleen that I have ever heard. Did you ever come clean with your mom and the doctor?

  13. aww, that note is so cute.
    I have mono the summer between my junior and senior years of college. (are we surprised? no)
    With my symptoms, I really run down and tired, but what triggered me going to the doctor was a high fever and the worst sore throat imaginable. It kind of freaked me out being so sick for so long.
    anyway, i have to tell you, when I was a youngster, Days of Our Lives was my soap of choice too. haha

    I still was i had good hair like Hope.

  14. I need to see the picture! ha ha xx

  15. Aw, why didn't you post the other side of the picture godammit!

    I have glandular fever when I was about 17 and it was awful, I felt like death warmed up. No popping here though!


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