Aug 1, 2011

Delete. Delete. Delete.

When Kris bent me over and edited the fuck out of me. 

Pretty All TrueOK, so Kris from PrettyAllTrue is, like, my gum-smacking, hair-twirling BFF. Like, totally, oh my God! Well, not really, but let's all pretend, shall we? I know I do.

Wait. What?

Anyhow! I asked her to edit the little two-part love story that I composed a short while ago and she most graciously agreed. Shortly after, I received her comments. She not only edited my work, she totally dissected it. Only one of true awesomeness can so effectively edit like this.

I've been fucking schooled, yo!

I had to reduce the size so it would all fit in the blog, but some of the comments brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Also, I want to point out that there are many things that Kris has shot down that I actually had written ON PURPOSE, which just also implies that I meant to write like a fool and she's called me out on it. She likely thought they were over-sights on my part. Sadly, no. On purpose, babe. On. Fucking. Purpose.

I don't expect you to attempt to read her notes. Just enjoy the sight of all the redness. However, I'm sure you can make out the word "Delete" - it's fairly easy to spot.

Some of my personal favourites:

"She is not impressed with his memory skills, is she?" (Umm, no)

"He is annoying me."

"Ummm . . .this position is not effortless. Just saying."

"...the repeated use of the word “hard” here makes me giggle, as I imagine him erect in his sadness. Ahem."

And the best one, ever...

"You use more semi-colons than many writers, and this particular one is incorrect and distracting."

She signed off the email with: "And as I said? Talent, babe. A lovely story."

Why do I not believe that anymore? Good save though, Kris!

Kris, I love you. Thank you very much for bending me over. It does well to bludgeon my false sense of grandeur every now and then, similar to a vigorous game of Wack-A-Mole. However, I'm suggesting once a year is quite enough.

Because let's face it, I rather enjoy living in this cozy cocoon of my own delusions.


  1. Then I would hate for her to read my naughty items on my bad girl blog roflmbo

  2. Kris IS awesome. And you are a brave girl!

  3. A good editor is worth their weight in Boston cream donuts.

  4. Wow, after all that editing you're left with, what, 4 paragraphs if that?

    I think you need to post the edited version, so we can compare apples to apples...

  5. Haha, if Kris ever thinks of becoming a life coach I'd sign up!

  6. more description of chest hair is needed. :)

  7. @Highly Irritable
    You are surely right.

    There wouldn't be much left. hehe

  8. Kris rocks! She would totally bring the funny to the editing table.

  9. OK once again I tried to comment from my phone and it deleted it! Grr! Anyway. Kris could edit her way out of a paper bag, and not just by poking a hole in it with her pencil. If she thinks you're talented, then y God you are -- even if she's telling you from behind. ;)

  10. LOL rape and pillage comes to mind ;)

    You two together ...
    There are no words!

  11. Hee hee!

    I was off for most of the day picking up and reuniting with my family, but I had to stop by and see how this post went.

    You ARE an awesomely talented writer, babe. You so know that.

    But I always have opinions.



    You are such a good sport.

    I adore you, writer woman.

    Just adore you.


  12. This is why I'll never right a book. I would cry, not laughing, cry and then drink myself to death over this.

  13. I just got the oddest sense of deja vu and then realised I read the finished ? I'm taking it was finished :) article right here the other day. Regardless of the edits, you wrote an great story, thoroughly entertaining and you got a great post out of it too. Love Kris' comments, she had me giggling most of the way through.

  14. @Bridget

    Awe. No tears here.
    I will use many of her suggestions - they will help with my writing. The rest of it? I will laugh at and just plain fucking ignore. lol


    I see your observation of my over-usage of semi-colons and I raise you double hard returns.

    You do it most.

    More than anyone.

    Any writer.



  15. This made me smile! This summer I began writing for Nickelodeon and, girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, those editors like to edit. It sometimes is very discouraging, but part of the learning process, right? Writing is tough stuff. I love the way you write (and Kris, as well).

  16. Part of my job includes writing (work writing, but still) and it is almost always ripped apart by multiple senior managers. Frustrating, but usually a better product in the end. sometimes.

    At least when I write on my blog, it's just for me.

    Good job!

  17. Wow - I wish I could write like you do and edit like Pretty All True. Both are pretty fan-freaking-tastic.

  18. LOVE IT! You are so lucky to have her.

  19. HAHAHA... gosh, thanks for posting this. In some sick twisted way, it makes me feel that I have a shot at being a writer (hey, if lady E could stand corrected, I could too, rite?), but at the same time, now I know editors would scare the sh*t out of me!

    Anywaaaaaays, you know how I love YOUR love stories... but I have to agree with Kris on comment (K47). "He had let out a few hiccups..." is definitely NOT sexy.

    ROTF, really, THAT made me laugh so hard... ;)

  20. AAACCKK!
    You two - seriously - maybe I just used the wrong word.
    Ya know, when someone is so over-whelmed, trying to hold back tears and sighs and shit... it's like a hiccup, but not an ACTUAL hiccup.

    For fuck's sake.



Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.