Delete. Delete. Delete.

When Kris bent me over and edited the fuck out of me. 

OK, so Kris from PrettyAllTrue is, like, my gum-smacking, hair-twirling BFF. Like, totally, oh my God! Well, not really, but let's all pretend, shall we? I know I do.

Wait. What?

Anyhow! I asked her to edit the little two-part love story that I composed a short while ago and she most graciously agreed. Shortly after, I received her comments. She not only edited my work, she totally dissected it. Only one of true awesomeness can so effectively edit like this.

I've been fucking schooled, yo!

I had to reduce the size so it would all fit in the blog, but some of the comments brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Also, I want to point out that there are many things that Kris has shot down that I actually had written ON PURPOSE, which just also implies that I meant to write like a fool and she's called me out on it. She likely thought they were over-sights on my part. Sadly, no. On purpose, babe. On. Fucking. Purpose.

I don't expect you to attempt to read her notes. Just enjoy the sight of all the redness. However, I'm sure you can make out the word "Delete" - it's fairly easy to spot.

Some of my personal favourites:

"She is not impressed with his memory skills, is she?" (Umm, no)

"He is annoying me."

"Ummm . . .this position is not effortless. Just saying."

"...the repeated use of the word “hard” here makes me giggle, as I imagine him erect in his sadness. Ahem."

And the best one, ever...

"You use more semi-colons than many writers, and this particular one is incorrect and distracting."

She signed off the email with: "And as I said? Talent, babe. A lovely story."

Why do I not believe that anymore? Good save though, Kris!

Kris, I love you. Thank you very much for bending me over. It does well to bludgeon my false sense of grandeur every now and then, similar to a vigorous game of Wack-A-Mole. However, I'm suggesting once a year is quite enough.

Because let's face it, I rather enjoy living in this cozy cocoon of my own delusions.