Aug 1, 2011

Delete. Delete. Delete.

When Kris bent me over and edited the fuck out of me. 

Pretty All TrueOK, so Kris from PrettyAllTrue is, like, my gum-smacking, hair-twirling BFF. Like, totally, oh my God! Well, not really, but let's all pretend, shall we? I know I do.

Wait. What?

Anyhow! I asked her to edit the little two-part love story that I composed a short while ago and she most graciously agreed. Shortly after, I received her comments. She not only edited my work, she totally dissected it. Only one of true awesomeness can so effectively edit like this.

I've been fucking schooled, yo!

I had to reduce the size so it would all fit in the blog, but some of the comments brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Also, I want to point out that there are many things that Kris has shot down that I actually had written ON PURPOSE, which just also implies that I meant to write like a fool and she's called me out on it. She likely thought they were over-sights on my part. Sadly, no. On purpose, babe. On. Fucking. Purpose.

I don't expect you to attempt to read her notes. Just enjoy the sight of all the redness. However, I'm sure you can make out the word "Delete" - it's fairly easy to spot.

Some of my personal favourites:

"She is not impressed with his memory skills, is she?" (Umm, no)

"He is annoying me."

"Ummm . . .this position is not effortless. Just saying."

"...the repeated use of the word “hard” here makes me giggle, as I imagine him erect in his sadness. Ahem."

And the best one, ever...

"You use more semi-colons than many writers, and this particular one is incorrect and distracting."


She signed off the email with: "And as I said? Talent, babe. A lovely story."

Why do I not believe that anymore? Good save though, Kris!

Kris, I love you. Thank you very much for bending me over. It does well to bludgeon my false sense of grandeur every now and then, similar to a vigorous game of Wack-A-Mole. However, I'm suggesting once a year is quite enough.

Because let's face it, I rather enjoy living in this cozy cocoon of my own delusions.

20 comments:

  1. Then I would hate for her to read my naughty items on my bad girl blog roflmbo

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  2. Kris IS awesome. And you are a brave girl!

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  3. A good editor is worth their weight in Boston cream donuts.

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  4. Wow, after all that editing you're left with, what, 4 paragraphs if that?

    I think you need to post the edited version, so we can compare apples to apples...

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  5. Haha, if Kris ever thinks of becoming a life coach I'd sign up!

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  6. more description of chest hair is needed. :)

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  7. @Highly Irritable
    You are surely right.
    Yum.

    @Lost
    There wouldn't be much left. hehe

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  8. Kris rocks! She would totally bring the funny to the editing table.

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  9. OK once again I tried to comment from my phone and it deleted it! Grr! Anyway. Kris could edit her way out of a paper bag, and not just by poking a hole in it with her pencil. If she thinks you're talented, then y God you are -- even if she's telling you from behind. ;)

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  10. LOL rape and pillage comes to mind ;)

    You two together ...
    There are no words!

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  11. Hee hee!

    I was off for most of the day picking up and reuniting with my family, but I had to stop by and see how this post went.

    You ARE an awesomely talented writer, babe. You so know that.

    But I always have opinions.

    Always.

    Ahem.

    You are such a good sport.

    I adore you, writer woman.

    Just adore you.

    Kris

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  12. This is why I'll never right a book. I would cry, not laughing, cry and then drink myself to death over this.

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  13. I just got the oddest sense of deja vu and then realised I read the finished ? I'm taking it was finished :) article right here the other day. Regardless of the edits, you wrote an great story, thoroughly entertaining and you got a great post out of it too. Love Kris' comments, she had me giggling most of the way through.

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  14. @Bridget

    Awe. No tears here.
    I will use many of her suggestions - they will help with my writing. The rest of it? I will laugh at and just plain fucking ignore. lol

    @Kris

    I see your observation of my over-usage of semi-colons and I raise you double hard returns.

    You do it most.

    More than anyone.

    Any writer.

    Ever.

    LOVE YOU.

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  15. This made me smile! This summer I began writing for Nickelodeon and, girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, those editors like to edit. It sometimes is very discouraging, but part of the learning process, right? Writing is tough stuff. I love the way you write (and Kris, as well).

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  16. Part of my job includes writing (work writing, but still) and it is almost always ripped apart by multiple senior managers. Frustrating, but usually a better product in the end. sometimes.

    At least when I write on my blog, it's just for me.

    Good job!

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  17. Wow - I wish I could write like you do and edit like Pretty All True. Both are pretty fan-freaking-tastic.

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  18. LOVE IT! You are so lucky to have her.

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  19. HAHAHA... gosh, thanks for posting this. In some sick twisted way, it makes me feel that I have a shot at being a writer (hey, if lady E could stand corrected, I could too, rite?), but at the same time, now I know editors would scare the sh*t out of me!

    Anywaaaaaays, you know how I love YOUR love stories... but I have to agree with Kris on comment (K47). "He had let out a few hiccups..." is definitely NOT sexy.

    ROTF, really, THAT made me laugh so hard... ;)

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  20. AAACCKK!
    You two - seriously - maybe I just used the wrong word.
    Ya know, when someone is so over-whelmed, trying to hold back tears and sighs and shit... it's like a hiccup, but not an ACTUAL hiccup.

    For fuck's sake.

    LMAO

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