Because God Has A Penis

[credit: Esoteric Agenda]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about how our bodies work and in particular, how women's bodies work. Last year, I started becoming a lot more aware of what we are capable of... whether it's hidden deep within ourselves or not - it's there - somewhere. The more I try to achieve certain levels of sexual consciousness, a few things have been made abundantly clear to me, in particular, my thoughts on God.

During my bohemian art school years, in between hits from the water bong, I was all Morissette'd up on ideas like, "Yeah, like, God is totally a chick, like, for sure, right on!"

Lately, I have done a 180 and I am back firmly with the belief that God is a dude... because of sex. When he was drawing up his grand design for how our fun parts functioned, he could have easily have made the ability to climax with ease a part of the woman's abilities and not the man's. I can see how it wouldn't have be wise that BOTH male and female have this gift of effortless orgasms, since nothing would ever get accomplished and humanity in its entirely would likely still all be living in caves with no indoor plumbing to fucking speak of.

Let us examine two scenarios and see which one make more sense, shall we?

ONE
Guy:  I'm close, baby. I'm about to cum.
Girl: I'm not even close. Do you want me to slow down?
Guy:  You can try, but I don't have long!
      Oh, fuck. I'm done.
Girl: Can you help me finish?
Guy:  Sure baby, gimmie a second to recover.
(2 minutes later)
      Snoring.
Girl, annoyed, gets out vibrator and finishes on her own.

TWO
Girl: I'm going to cum. Ooohh, here it comes. Ahhhhh.
Guy:  I still have a ways to go, but I love your screams.
Girl: It feels amazing. Keep going, honey!
Guy:  Do you want to switch positions?
Girl: Sure. Ooohh, here comes another one!!
Guy:  It's going to be a little while still. Are you OK to keep going?
Girl: Yeah, baby. I can keep going. No problem.
(2 minutes later)
      Ahhh. Here's another one!!
Guy:  OK, I'm ready. Ahhhh.
Girl and guy both exhausted and satisfied... every time.

See? Now, the first scenario is a more believable situation than the second, because guys can climax so much easier but then cannot recover quickly; if it was reversed, wouldn't they both have a much more well-rounded experience?

Also. If you happen to be a woman that CAN climax that easily, I don't want to hear about it. Shut the fuck up, seriously. This post is not about your euphoric exception to the status quo. Good for you, though.

Good. For. You.

So, back to my original point, seeing as this is my conclusion, I need to reiterate my original thesis like a good girl. God most definitely is a guy because of the first scenario. Here is how I would like to think it all went down on Day Six.

God:  I love my penis. Penises are cool. Why would I make THAT difficult for the little guy to do with his penis? That's just silly. I'll make it nice and easy for him. Score. Punch it in!
(2 minutes later)
      Her? Meh. I really don't care. She can fucking work for it.