A Finger Cuff and Other Stuff

Although I attempt to convince people on a regular basis that I am, in fact, not an idiot, I have recently done two things that have pretty much put me back at the starting line, so to speak.

Last week, there was my stellar health scare, brought on solely by my absent mindedness. Then, yesterday, a friend posted a photo on their Facebook page of two people wearing "I Love DP" t-shirts. They were apparently marketing for Dr. Pepper.

OK. So, the stream of comments continued to go to a dirty, dirty place but just hinting at the under-lying innuendos and not actually spelling it out. Luckily, I was smart enough NOT to post my question on Facebook, but I inquired privately. What the hell is so funny? What is the OTHER meaning for DP? Am I missing something here?

Response: Are you fucking serious?

No, I'm joking. (eye roll) OF COURSE I'm serious.

Ummm, Double Penetration? Duh!

Awe, shit. Nope. I never would have guessed that. And to make things even more embarrassing, I asked my husband if he knew what it was and he said it straight away - and also laughed at me - and he doesn't know sweet fuck all about anything dirty! It was a sad and disappointing day for Lady Estrogen.

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On a side note, my husband has begun referring to Lady Estrogen as if
she's another person apart from myself. It's fucking hysterical.
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Regardless of what some people might have come to think of me as being one way, whether it be on this blog, Twitter or in 'real life', I am not, in fact, a walking, talking encyclopedia of dirty phrases. Do I wish I was? Well, that's besides the point! After all, Sue Johanson is my hero. The reality is, however, that I am not. In order to redeem myself, here's a list of twenty phrases that I actually do know:

Corkscrew
Gobstopper
Daisy Chain

Brown Necktie

Jersey Turnpike

Punching Possums
Ham & Cheese Sandwich

Three-eyed Turtle
Dirty Sanchez

Angry Dragon

Pulling a Moses

Donkey Punch

Spider-webbing
Cold Lunch

Finger Cuffs

Snowballing
Airplane Blonde
Cleveland Steamer
Flooding the Cave
Guppy Mouth

(And, yes, I did attempt to list these phases to vaguely resemble a phallus.)

So, if you don't know any of these, just let me know. I'll be more than happy to enlighten you - and I will not make fun of you or accuse you of living in a sheltered bubble like SOME people. Promise.

What can I say? I must've been having a blonde moment... for a very, very long time, or so it seems. At least I made him laugh. Even if it was at my expense, I'll still take it.

I take it which ever way I can get it.

Laughs, that is!

Ahem.

You people and your dirty minds.

Oh. And to Ida_homie - If this post doesn't set my Clean Meter to god damn explode, I'll be seriously fucking disappointed.