We have always been open with each other and I know a lot of my friends were always envious of how I could talk to my mother about topics that most of their mothers would either slap or ground them for mentioning. My mother has helped me work through a lot of tough times, and I'd like to think that it has been mutual as I've grown up.
A few months ago, during my "third life crisis" as I'm becoming to refer to it as, I was talking to my mother on the phone, trying to get some comfort from her words.
"...but it's been 15 years. Why do I still feel like my heart broke just yesterday?"
"It often feels like that for me and it's been 33 years."
"That's not helping."
"Sorry."
"My father. You still miss him? Even having been remarried for all these years?"
"Always."
--> About here is where I began to sob. <--
"I know this sounds awful but he died; that's absolute closure I think I could deal with easier than whatever it is I'm stuck in. But instead, he's out there... alive, somewhere else... not loving me."
"I know what you mean; it doesn't sound horrible. You just have to live your life the best way you can. I have been re-married for 26 years now - and you? You are just starting your family. We survive. Everything happens for a reason."
OK. Now fast forward to last week.
I'm watching Day of Our Lives, as I do every fucking day. I don't need a lecture, thank you. I exposed my addiction a long time ago -- deal with it. It functions more like comfortable background noise to me than anything else... until this week. The dialog between fire-cracker granny Alice Brady and her bat-shit crazy granddaughter Sami (Alison Sweeney) made me almost choke on my cheerios. It went like this:
"I know this sounds awful but grandpa died - he's at peace. But Rafe is out there... alive, somewhere else... not loving me."
"Surely you're not saying you would rather him be dead!"
"Of course not! I'm just saying that you were able to mourn him. But me? I'll always be wondering where he is... what he's doing... who he's with..."
Ummm... so, yes. It's official! My life has become a soap opera.
| Dear Days of Our Lives Head Writing Team, Thank you for using my life as inspiration for you recent dialog. I still don't know how exactly you mananged to over-hear my conversation with my mother, but nevertheless, I am giving you fair notice: I want my fucking cut! Yours faithfully, Lady Estrogen |
There needs to be more gratuitous nudity in your soap opera. Just saying...
ReplyDeleteOh, and more cowbell. Much more cowbell. *dink dink dink*
Sorry for the rough times. Your past has shaped your present, so for that at least, be grateful.
Let us know if they give you your cut.
ReplyDeleteHa, that's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh sweetie, this was actually a little tough to read. I mean, I can hear the heartache and it makes my body hurt a little for you. I have an ex that I think about just about every day. I'm happily married and have 4 children, and I wouldn't trade my life for my old one, but there are days when I mourn for the life I could have had...if only things had been different. There's a fascinating guilt that comes with that. We are supposed to fall in love and erase old loves from our minds. That's quite impossible though as there will always be a part of you that simply isn't being loved the way that he loved you. That's what we remember and long for.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your heart still feels broken. Days of Our Lives better give you your cut, stealing your heartbreak and your dialog.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I can just imagine your jaw dropping on the floor when you heard that, and that is kinda funny. :)
@Alison
ReplyDeleteYeah. It was fucking hilarious - in a completely sad and creepy way!
I mean really? The craziest character of the craziest show - that's me.
Awesome.
@Lesley
Thank you so much for sharing. It really is difficult.
I guess I have to use humor to deal with it, or else I'd lose my mind. Fantasy helps too... I'm working on that; coming soon. HA!
@Lost.in.Idaho
Oh lord. More cowbells? I'll have to check it out.
x
hahaha...that was a great post. On a more serious note...I'm sorry. May i suggest therapy? i've been in it for 28 years and am progressively getting worse so maybe not.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...well, i'm right here and i love you and very frankly, i'm pretty much all that matters.
just saying...
Funny isn't it how there's always one that still 'gets' you. What they should have done is stick around until you had worked out for yourself that you are better off without them.
ReplyDeleteBest you can hope for is that they spend the rest of their lives as miserable as sin (sod wanting them to be happy) lamenting their loss.
Well, that's what I'd probably do ..... If Id given it any thought like ......
You would turn out to be Sami wouldn't you? Figures....crazy-ass granddaughter indeed lol.
ReplyDeleteDays needs to give you your cut fo shizzle
Huh. I guess I'm lucky in that if someone stopped or didn't care about me, I pretty much stopped caring about them. It was like they turned out not to be who I thought they were at all, because the person I had imagined felt the same for me as I did for him. And of course, it was really the best revenge to not give a fuck what they did or where they were. You'll get there.
ReplyDeleteAh yes did I not tell you about the sequel to The Truman Show, it's called "The Lady E Layouts" - Your cut is coming but for now until you get me some more Drama Drama Drama Lovie!! Then you're only getting cherrios on a bonus your newly positioned trailer in the D.O.O.L carpark looks superb and I shined you a new star (mwah xx)
ReplyDeletesad, and funny. i'm not sure if you should be flattered or embarrassed.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea Days was even still ON the air...Alice...Sammy...oh how that brings back fond memories of college...if only I could remember those times (it's all a bit too hazy).
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that no-good looser out there is still thinking of you each day and regretting not having a part of the fabulous woman that you are now. His freaking loss.
And it's a good thing you were only eating cheerios. Think of what a mess chocolate pudding would have made. You deserve a cut.
Cheers.
VB
What makes it hard is that there is no ill-will, whatsoever.
ReplyDelete@Vinobaby
I know - it's crazy that it's still on!!
Pudding. HA! That would have been messy, especially all over my laptop.
@notblessedmama
I think it's 30/70 flattered/embarrassed, totally.
That's uncanny.
ReplyDeleteHILARIOUS!!!!! This is awesome!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Not only should you get a cut, but if Raffe shows up to declare his love to whatsherface, I'd make sure I didn't leave the house without a good bra and lipgloss - JUST IN CASE! ;)
ReplyDeletexo
Lady-like Pervert
hugs. although I don't know if you'd be happy where I am either. Except the watching D.O.O.L of course.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I could have handled the whole life sounds like a soap opera thing. I'd have to start drinking. :S Not saying you should. Just saying I would.
I am happily in a 4 year relationship on the verge of marriage and I still have that one flame that I think "What if..." almost every day. I'm sad that we never got the chance to see if things would work, but I wouldn't change where I am for anything. Said flame has recently decided to cut me out of his life basically even after 10 years of friendship. It hurts badly, we went through so much together, but maybe things will get better and we be friends again.
ReplyDeleteI say all this because I know what it feels like to not have closure. There will always be the part of you that wonders.
However, the comedic relief was probably nice.
Hey you should definitely get your cut. There are no coincidences in life. I bet they were eavesdropping.
ReplyDeleteyeah that's not creepy at all! I know wouldn't spit my cheerios clear across the fucking room! I don't watch soaps anymore. Reminds me of my mama too much.
ReplyDeleteOh, wonder what kind of cut you will get and what will happen next in your life to inspire future episodes.
ReplyDelete@Jessica
ReplyDeleteI'm almost too afraid to think that far ahead. As long as I don't get possessed by the devil, I'd consider it a good day.
Great blog, Lady Estrogen.
ReplyDeleteOr, as we'd say here in England, "Great blog, lady Oestrogen."
You better check your phones for wiretaps.
ReplyDelete@TheSarcasmGoddess
ReplyDeleteBAHAHA! Nope - although my mind is occasionally missing, I know where my cunt is at all times.
@MsBlase
I fucking knew it - I'll have to check.
@NomDePlume
Thanks funny - the first time I saw that in a pharmacy when I lived in the UK, I was very confused... you mean, there's ANOTHER hormone I have to worry about now? The 'O' is very unnecessary, if you ask me. hehe.
Leave it to Sami to butt into your live and steal your script.
ReplyDeleteShe's stealthy like that.
Here is hoping you get your cut ;)
ReplyDeletePS: I watch the Desperate Housewives of Miami...we all have our trash addictions
Missed this the other day.... trying to catch up on blogs before I depart for Italy.
ReplyDeleteBlimey, I'm not surprised you almost choked on your Cheerios. That's too spooky..
I hope you get your cut ;)
That is totally creepy but I would be demanding payment from them too. It's the least they could do.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I'm still laughing, hilarious! I am also a Days of Our Lives addict and have been for over twenty years. It's my thing and I refuse to make excuses for it - can't wait to see what happens next (even though my own life sometimes resembles a soap - DOOL is an escape).
ReplyDelete