I've almost always been so grateful for the relationship that I have with my mother. I had to say 'almost' because of course, no mother/daughter relationship is perfect and we have had our ins and outs - especially through my tumultuous teen years where I was a hormonal lunatic.
We have always been open with each other and I know a lot of my friends were always envious of how I could talk to my mother about topics that most of their mothers would either slap or ground them for mentioning. My mother has helped me work through a lot of tough times, and I'd like to think that it has been mutual as I've grown up.
A few months ago, during my "third life crisis" as I'm becoming to refer to it as, I was talking to my mother on the phone, trying to get some comfort from her words.
"...but it's been 15 years. Why do I still feel like my heart broke just yesterday?"
"It often feels like that for me and it's been 33 years."
"That's not helping."
"Sorry."
"My father. You still miss him? Even having been remarried for all these years?"
"Always."
--> About here is where I began to sob. <--
"I know this sounds awful but he died; that's absolute closure I think I could deal with easier than whatever it is I'm stuck in. But instead, he's out there... alive, somewhere else... not loving me."
"I know what you mean; it doesn't sound horrible. You just have to live your life the best way you can. I have been re-married for 26 years now - and you? You are just starting your family. We survive. Everything happens for a reason."
I'm watching Day of Our Lives, as I do every fucking day. I don't need a lecture, thank you. I exposed my addiction a long time ago -- deal with it. It functions more like comfortable background noise to me than anything else... until this week. The dialog between fire-cracker granny Alice Brady and her bat-shit crazy granddaughter Sami (Alison Sweeney) made me almost choke on my cheerios. It went like this:
"I know this sounds awful but grandpa died - he's at peace. But Rafe is out there... alive, somewhere else... not loving me."
"Surely you're not saying you would rather him be dead!"
"Of course not! I'm just saying that you were able to mourn him. But me? I'll always be wondering where he is... what he's doing... who he's with..."
| Dear Days of Our Lives Head Writing Team, Thank you for using my life as inspiration for you recent dialog. I still don't know how exactly you mananged to over-hear my conversation with my mother, but nevertheless, I am giving you fair notice: I want my fucking cut! Yours faithfully, Lady Estrogen |
There needs to be more gratuitous nudity in your soap opera. Just saying...
Oh, and more cowbell. Much more cowbell. *dink dink dink*
Sorry for the rough times. Your past has shaped your present, so for that at least, be grateful.