I remember seeking solace in those words when I was a teenager, and now I despise them. I'm 32 and STILL popping zits and scraping off explosive puss from my mirror as a part of my nightly routine. AHHH!!
I am done with dermatologists. I have been on Amoxicillin, Erythromycin, Minocin, Minocycline, Tetracycline, Vitamin A Acid Cream, Stievamycin, Sulfonamide, and Isotretinoin or more commonly known as Accutane... 3 TIMES. Did you know there are now class action law suits against the makers of Accutane because of the long-term side effects? Yeah... awesome. I guess I should count my blessings that my children were not born with tails!
Oh, but according to Justin Beiber, Proactiv will solve all my problems! Not even fucking remotely close; I've tried that too. And Avril Lavigne? Don't even try to remind me how amazing the 3-step routine works for you; I don't want to hear it, especially from YOU!
I think it was in Eddie Murphy's Delirious that he said something like, "We don't ever grow out of acne, it just moves south to our asses!" Well... yes, actually, now that you mention it... but it didn't pack up and just move south; it's more like it had spread to my nether regions whilst maintaining real estate on my face and shoulders.
I had a cyst that impacted so badly on my groin that I had to have emergency surgery to remove it. Why don't you explain how Proactiv could have helped me outta THAT one, huh, Mrs. Katy Perry?
Every once and a while I get some know-it-all asshole that says to me, "It's all related to what you eat." It takes every fiber of my being not to stab that person to death with a fork.
So, here's to you!
Justin Beiber? Kiss my big white pimply ass!
Avril Lavigne? Lick my crusty mirror!
Katy Perry? Suck my pustules!
And Julianne Hough? Well.. I actually don't know who the hell you are, but I sure had fun drawing horns on you.
And to everyone who has always had perfect skin.... FUCK YOU TOO!!!