Jan 26, 2011

My Politically Incorrect Phobia

PhotobucketPicture it: It was a soggy Melbourne winter night in 2000. I had just gotten off work at the dinner theatre where I was bartending and I was waiting for the tram to go home - the last tram of the night. It was cold and I was tired and a bit zoned out when the tram finally glided to a stop in front of me. The doors opened and I briefly looked up just in time to see a tiny flash of red glitter slip and fly on to me. It was a midget, oh sorry, a little person and she had slipped ass over tit from a combination of a wet floor and what looked like 6inch platform heels.

WHAM! Right on top of me!

Her chunky legs practically straddled my torso while I was laid out on the pavement in a pool of rain water mixed with dirt, oil and god knows what else; knowing Melbourne on a Saturday night, probably an additional splash or two of urine. She quickly got up and was equally embarrassed as I was traumatized, "Sorry, luv!"
I managed to mutter a fake, "No worries" as I peeled myself off the street.

But it WAS a worry - a big fucking worry! That was the beginning of the end. I was already iffy about little people due to a strange love/hate relationship I had with a guy that was 5foot nothing (which is a whole other story I'll be getting to later this year), but this incident set me over the edge.

Thus, I am terrified of little people.

There. I said it.

I don't like watching them on TV either; I get very uncomfortable.

If I see one in person, I try to act normal, but I usually hold my breath for some fucked up reason. It's not because I think they smell, but I'd like to think it prevents me from hyper-ventilating.

My family and friends are aware of this quirk and absolutely LOVE to point them out to me in public. Yeah, thanks for that... love you too, jack asses.

I'm sure some will misconstrue my phobia as me just being a bigot or some shit like that - well, what the hell would you have me do? I am what I am, and that just happens to be someone who would likely pee my panties if a little person came up to me and gave me a hug. Sorry!
A Mother Life


  1. They are like clowns. A little bit of cute and a whole lot of scary.

  2. Oh this post made me laugh out lout. It also made me think of this:

  3. LOL no worries with your phobia, I'm sure others have way worse.

  4. I'd take being scared of little people than being scared of clowns any day of the week! (clowns suck)

  5. Yes, I totally agree about the clown thing!! They are frickin' creepy! I guess why I feel bad about mine is that in comparison, people CHOOSE to be clowns. No one chooses to be a little person, it's a birth defect, right. That's why I feel like shit about this phobia. LOL.

  6. I'm a new follower from Mid Week Mingle! I would love a follow back:) It would be awesome if you could also follow me on Networked Blogs & Facebook too! You could also stumble my blog if you like :-)

    Thanks, Misty

  7. OHMYGOD this cracked me up, I have a close friend with the same fear. It cracks me up!! And yeah, we make fun of her too. (Sorry!)

  8. My great aunt was a little person. and I knew 2 little people at church once. I'll admit...they're not people I normally cross and I would be uncomfortable too.

  9. You share the best weirdness!!! Thanks for linking up!!
    xxoo, TLC

  10. OMG I love your honesty! I happen to have a fascination with little people, which I don't think is much better than being terrified of them. I watch all the shows on tv and wonder so many things, like: How do they get it on? See, you wrote out what most of us feel and think.

  11. You're funny. I haven't met any in person. Can't say how I would react.

  12. The night I met my husband NYE 2000 I was head butted square in the nose by a vertically-challenged lady of Oriental origin. She wasn't a midget as such but probs less than 5' and wearing flats to my 5'5" with extra height with heels.

    Needless to say my nose was broken!

  13. I can't say I've actually thought about this too much. We all have our irrational phobias. I once knew a girl who was terrified of balloons. I used to get sweaty palms about driving. It doesn't do to delve too deeply into the human psyche...

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro!

  14. That was so inappropriately funny. I have heard of people with this phobia before. I personally find them fascinating and when I was a kid I wished that I was a dwarf. There I said it. Don't judge me. ;)

  15. I'm not scared of dwarfs, but I do wonder how they manage to get around. I struggle to press buttons, reach things in the supermarket, etc, and I am 5'.
    My phobia is poodles. It's like they are covered in pubic hair. I am also irrationally scared of used soft furnishings.

  16. Snort!

    You do realize that I am short, right?

    And that my older daughter is likely to grow up to be shorter than I am? I am all giggly. We are going to sneak up on you one day and wrestle you to the ground with our fat little arms and legs.

    And then we will hold you down and paint your face with clown make-up.

    Because we are completely sane!

    So funny.

    You are a goofball.

  17. OMG woman! a little person fell OFF a Melbourne tram onto you? You are just too much!
    Thanks for being my skanky Hooker again ;)

  18. I'm only five feet tall. Not technically a little person, but not winning any height contests either! Also, I am deathly afraid of swarms of birds!

  19. I don't think they can really hurt you - except if they knock you over, but other than that I don't think you have anything to worry about.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.