Unfastened Friday 7.0

Nothing good ever happens after 2am

It was another regular Friday night for me, or so I thought. I came home after work, grabbed the keys to my car and headed to the beer store. After I picked up a couple of six packs, I came home and tossed them in the fridge to chill. My plan was to have a few beers, and then walk down the street and grab a few more beers over at the bar & casino.

And so I did. And I had a beer, and a second and a third. Actually, who am I kidding? I can't remember how many I had. After drinking alone, playing a few slots and losing all my money I stumbled out of the casino and started my walk home.

Somewhere along the way home, which is about a 5 minute walk (maybe 10 when intoxicated), I was stopped by this young guy with an accent who asked me what there is to do in this town. In hindsight, I realize what he was asking, even with his thick Scottish accent he was pretty transparent. We chatted for quite some time on the edge of the sidewalk. He told me that he was here to take up some good old Canadian hockey.

Picked the wrong year, mate, but whatever...

It didn't seem to bother me what gibberish he was on about because I was enjoying the chatting. I've been a little lonely, to say the least. I wonder if my loneliness was that obvious, or it could have been the alcohol on my breath. I must have asked him back to my house, I couldn't be sure... but I'm pretty sure. We went on the computer and he showed me where he was from, taught me a little about chewing tobacco and so on… it must have been 2am or later.

The computer? Seriously.

The bars were long closed but luckily I had some beer. I remember him asking me for scotch. (Is that what the Scottish drink?) Anyways, all I could offer him was beer or the bottle of champagne that had been in my fridge since New Year's Eve. He opened the bottle of champagne; the cork popped and we drank the whole bottle.

This is where I black out a bit a lot.

I remember giving him head in the shower. I remember being in my bed and in his Scottish accent, asking me, "Can I fock yeh in th'arse?" My response being a stupered, "You can try but I don't think it's gonna work out so well for you." I'm not exactly interested in the back door, to say the least.

I remember he said to me, "You have'nie had sex in ages, av' ya?"

Umm. That's not a good sign, or is it? I'm not sure anymore, really.

I woke up alone in my bed, hung over and in a panic; the repair man was coming over to fix the a/c any minute! I looked in the mirror, and what a fucking catastrophe -- makeup all smeared down my face, likely from the shower. Why it never occurred to me to wash my face while I was IN THE SHOWER? I don't know. Oh, dear. It was all a bit of a daze.

I frantically called my friend over to help hide/clean up the mess in my apartment and get me looking a little less "smacked around street walkerish", in a manner of words. Just as I washed my face and taken the bottles outside, there was a knock at the door, but I still couldn't find the condom evidence. I was sweating!

After the repair man left, my friend found the champagne cork... and the foil from the Trojan condom. What a good friend, right? Thank heavens, or so I thought. As a recap, in the span of 6 or so hours, I met some Scottish dude, screwed him and woke up in an empty bed covered in mascara. I was feeling a little ashamed of myself; not my best behaviour. I spent the entire day in bed due to being hung over, humiliated and mixed that with my on-going withdrawal symptoms of prescription drugs I had been on.

I am 34 years old. What the fuck? Hello there, mid life crisis. Oooh right, and it appears that my newly found crisis robbed the Scottish cradle, because since I've sobered up, I remember him telling me that he was 21... he very well could have been 18. Bloody hell.

WAIT. It gets classier...

I still wasn't feeling great by Tuesday so I went to the doctor's office. I gave him a urine sample and when he came back into my room, his exact words were, "Wow. That looks nasty. You should have come in sooner." Now I'm crossing my fingers and hope that the antibiotics don't make me nauseous or give me a yeast infection, but one things for certain — no more back door experiences EVER. It's just not worth any of it.

~Anonymous

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See? That was fun, wasn't it? Have your own UFF entry? Submit here. You can be 100% anonymous (even from moi) just don't even fill in the "FROM" field or email; it's totally up to you. Either way? DO IT... pretty please.

Unfastened Friday 6.0

Oooohh, it's about that time again folks. It's been a long while since the last Unfastened Friday, so it was well overdue! Have got some naughty submissions this time round - which are, of course, thee best kind. Seriously, who needs 50 Shades of Whatthefuckever when we've got REAL LIFE stories to tell. Ahem.

The Opportunists
Once upon a time there was a guy and a girl who just could not get enough of each other. These two were desperate to feel each other, to tease each other and to taste each other.

Given that each of them was married... to other people... they had to become creative when it came to fulfilling those needs. Lunch hours were spent rushing to a meeting place, saying a quick “hi” before tearing at each other’s clothes, needing to remove them as fast possible because time was short. The kissing was hard and deep, filled with need... as was the thrusting. Moans, heavy breaths, primitive sounds filled the air only to be shattered with silence once both reached their peak.

It didn’t matter where it was... including the second floor walk-in-closet of a model home while others toured the downstairs... these two made the most of any opportunity that arose!

- Anonymous


The MILF
Quite awhile back I broke up with my girlfriend and changed my status on Facebook from 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Almost on cue, my friend's mom commented on it saying how happy she was. Now mind you, I had been friends with her daughter since my freshman year in high school.

Anyway, she ends up messaging me saying how being single was much more fun and before you know it she was inviting me over for some breakfast one morning. It was my first time being at her house so she gave me the tour, which of course ended in the bedroom.

Laying down, she said to feel how comfy the bed was with her. Of course, I laid down and before you know it I was pulling down her pants and sliding my manhood between her legs. Apparently, she hadn't done it in a while and she finished quicker than I would have expected.

She was about 30 at the time and I was 19.

- Anonymous


The Ex-Swingers
I see him all the time, he's always dressed up so nice and he smells so good. We meet up for coffee or whatever, finding excuses to see each other as often as we can.

When we're with each other AND our spouses, we are sneaking footsie under the table, brushing against each other on purpose, catching the other one looking. Alone we embrace and breathe each other in. Feeling the want and the desire between us like a sharp knife.

I can't sit and listen to him without picturing him naked, just as he is. Sitting back with me on top, riding his gigantic cock that fills me up more than I ever have been before. Feeling so small against his tall, muscular body. Cumming over and over and over just from the pure excitement.

I think of that gorgeous cock hitting the back of my throat, it tasted so good. Him, face between my legs, my warm juices unable to stop squirting.

I know what you're thinking: we've had an affair. We haven't. Once upon a time, with a quick text I'd be off driving to his house and his wife to mine. A quick swap to spice up life a little. It worked out fantastic. I loved fucking him, I couldn't wait for it.

Now we can't. One member of the bunch doesn't want to anymore. It's been a year and we still haven't found two people to take their place. So we just continue on, respecting the sanctity of marriage and only crossing the line a little bit... just to keep life exciting.

- A mommy blogger you might know...but you'll never find out :)

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See? That was fun, wasn't it? Have your own UFF entry? Submit here. You can be 100% anonymous (even from moi) and not even fill in the "FROM" field or email; it's up to you. Either way? DO IT... pretty please.

Unfastened Friday 5.0

If you haven't checked out Amy's blog at Coffee Lovin' Mom, please do! I was interviewed and offered up some insightful advice on super hero capes and elephant sneezes. Yeah, you heard me.

Anyways, since my new schedule means that I'll be posting on Mondays and Thursdays, Unfastened Fridays will come a little early. Gawd, I hate that! But seriously, all juvenile sexual innuendos aside, it is what it is. When I got this "if you use this, it must be anonymous" submission, I must admit, I raised an eyebrow... or two. It gets an Unfastened Friday all to itself. Oh, yeah. Loved it, ya kinky freaks!

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It was a long Friday at work and I needed to wind down a bit. My then GF said her best friend was house sitting for her neighbor and wanted us to come over for some drinks in the spa. How could I say no to that?

We got there and the friend already had her boyfriend over and they had a few drinks in them. We followed suit and before you know it we were also pretty buzzed. They suggested that we all head out to the spa and spend the rest of the night out there. Thats where all the fun began...

At first, the time in the spa was pretty light hearted. Normal talking and joking around. As the alcohol kept flowing, we got naughtier and naughtier with the things we would talk about. Before you know it, we were all talking about sex positions and the craziest thing we have done with our lovers. That, of course, made us all pretty horny so we started making out with our lovers.

You know how these stories go, kissing leads to touching, touching leads to rubbing, rubbing leads to full on sexy times. I couldn't believe I was fingering my girlfriend right in front of our friends who were doing the exact same thing right across the way in the Jacuzzi. Soon, I had my girlfriend bent over the side, giving it to her doggie style. Our naughty bits on display for them to see, but they were doing the exact same thing so we didn't care. As a matter of fact, we glanced over every now and again to watch them and caught them watching us too.

The whole session lasted for a couple of hours and still to this day, it was THEE hottest bout of sex I have ever had...

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Thank you, Anonymous. I honestly can't get much further passed "a couple of hours". Jeeeeee-sus. I got tired thinking about it. Rock on! Have a great weekend, everyone. x

Unfastened Friday 4.0

College is supposed to be a time to experiment right? Well, I certainly experimented. I was 22 and I put myself out on every dating website I could find. There were no real men at my mostly female university – a private Catholic one at that. So, instead of trolling the local bars bringing home a hillbilly boy, I ventured into online dating.

God, lucky to come out alive? Probably.

Any close calls with dangerous situations? No.

Still, I could have easily met some freak and wound up dead in a field somewhere. I was desperate, fearless, and so lonely… I’ve met many men online. My first and only “offline” boyfriend last 3 weeks, a record compared to many of the others.

I’ll tell you about one of my encounters now. Mark. I met him online – we got together twice. The first time was in the middle of the night, at your average hotel off the interstate. The man didn’t even come down from the room to meet me. Classy. I pretended to be his fiancé when I asked for his room number at the counter.

An average looking late 20s or early 30-something guy answered the door. He was clean-cut and dressed in Abercrombie clothes. Looking back now, I can’t even remember if I saw his picture before we met up. I’m glad he wasn’t ugly.

We had that uncomfortable silence before awkward conversation. I was sitting on the bed. He was sitting on the chair next to the bed. He was shy!! Unbelievable! I was surprisingly not. Although, since then I have hear Catholic girls are pent up sex kittens. I believe it now.

I don’t remember what happened between sitting there in silence, to me being fingered and fucked on the bed, but I can remember he felt so good in that 60 seconds. Straddling his hips I barely got started when he shoved me off and bolted to the bathroom!

I think a) he came too early and was embarrassed or b) he was just plain regretful.

I tend to think he shot off too fast and was embarrassed. Five minutes later, I’m still waiting, dumbfounded. I wonder if we’re going to finish what we started. He comes out of the bathroom and sits on the bed. More uncomfortable silence.

He asks, “Do you want the room for the night?” I decline. I need to get home. I live with my parents, after all, and they’d freak if I wasn’t there in the morning.

I dress and leave. I can’t even remember if he kisses me goodnight. I felt like a hooker without getting paid.

On top of the disappointment, I manage to come away with a chuckle. I finally understood the jokes of women when they laugh about their “minute man.” So disappointing. I drive home in the dark, in silence, wondering if he’ll call again.

Three weeks later my phone rings.

Jill



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This one is usually longer, but if you have a story or a 'quickie', then please send it to me here! It can be 100% anonymous if you like - just don't fill out the name or email field - it will STILL send if those aren't filled, yo!

Unfastened Friday 3.0

It's about that time again folks!
Enjoy these titillating tales and have a fabulous weekend :)

1. Quick on the Draw
Ok, so hubby and I have an open relationship. One of my shall we say turn ons is guys in uniform. So lucky me hubby was a firefighter and many of them happened to be EMTs. One of them decided he could handle me...

Ummm, yeah.

So he shows up one night to show off at his bedroom skills and he was on duty. The instant the tones dropped (a term used for setting off alarms to call for ambulances firetrucks, etc.) so did he. I mean, literally one second it was there, the next it was gone. Being the wife of a firefighter, I could honestly say that was not usually the case. I mean, adrenaline tends to keep things pumping. Yeah not for him...

I still call him Quick Draw McGraw.

Singedwingangel


2. Ripped and Torn
I had a boyfriend once who's fantasy was to rip my underwear off.

Having carefully selected some sexy (but cheap) knickers I told him to go for it one night.

We ended up in casualty, him with a broken finger and me with with a lace thong practically embedded in my lady parts!

I can proudly announce that I am NOT known for the looseness of my elastic (oh, and that using his teeth to remove them in the future turned out to be the better option)

Sarah Mac

3. One Hot Ass Coming Up

I am a huge guacamole fan. Simple ingredients; avocado, onion, tomato, salt and a jalapeno.

Yeah... that's where our lit'l tale begins, because with bedroom eyes and my fiery hot index finger, my partner and I discovered the true meaning of a hot ass.

Sparing the details, I can say this story ends realz badz, with me standin in a state of limp dick and my honey with an inflamed rectum. So sorry honey! So sorry that my jalapeno approach fell flat... some guacamole recipe! Left me feeling guilty/empty AND having to deal with 2 sets of blue balls!

Todd Carr


4. Sticky Stalker
I once had a stalker from Australia that sent me a video of herself. Her dog was licking peanut butter off her hoo-ha...
while looking at a photo of me.

Process that one.

Jeremy London

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If you have a 'quickie' story, then please send it to me here! It can be 100% anonymous if you like - just don't fill out the name & email field - it will STILL send if those aren't filled, yo!

Unfastened Friday 2.0

Usually, the Unfastened Fridays will include 3 or more quick stories, but when Leighann from Multitasking Mumma sent me this, I knew it had to be all on its own! Not only is it a stand-alone kind of story, but she also is brave enough to take credit for it. I love your balls, babe; are they Adamantium by any chance?


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In the early days of our relationship Brian and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other and like all new couples we took every opportunity to get a little randy.  We weren’t living together at the time and were living two hours apart so this meant we spent a lot of time in the car and had to be creative or multitask (hellooo, its what I do). 

Not necessarily romantic, but we were just new and the very sight of him made me throw my shirt out the window.

NOTE: I do not condone driving while distracted, do not try this in your own car, however, if you do, please send your story to Lady E.

One evening, while driving together, the sexual heat became too much and  the windows started to fog with our hot breath as we searched for a place to pull over.

But then I suggested maybe we could keep driving?

Huh. Driving and intercourse?

Not happening.

But there are other ways to make a man hummmmm.

And because I’m skilled at the playing the skin flute the instrument was happy to participate.

Band practice was going well and I was thrilled when I heard “oh shit.”

That’s right! Oh Shit! I’m that good! 

My confidence was through the roof. Maybe I could pull off a little ride in the drivers seat!

He started thrusting like a wild bronco, making me think I might have to abort the mission. My humming skills could not withstand a jive like this! Was this a new move I wasn’t privy to? I was about to choke.

“NO! Get up!! Police!”

I sprung up, threw my head back so hard I hit it off of the passenger side window, and nearly knocked myself out. The pain was instant and through blurry vision I saw what appeared to be the flashing lights of a ride check coming up just seconds away.

Brian shuffled with his pants, I massaged my head.

“Good evening.” The light of the flashlight scanned the car and across Brian’s face.

“Evening.” Brian cleared his throat twice but it still crackled. My head ached and I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming but I was certain I had a concussion.

“Anything to drink tonight?” His flashlight concentrated on Brian’s face.

“Nope.” Why wasn’t anyone asking me if I needed medical attention?

“Why’s your face so red?”

Pardon?

“Huh?” Oh God I am dreaming.

“Your face. It’s bright red, like you’ve been jogging.”

Dear Lawd is that man seriously asking this question? I’ve hit my head too hard!! 

And then I hear the answer…

“Hmmmmmmmmm.”


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As I've mentioned, usually the UFF stories are shorter. If you have a little story (or one you think would fit a full post like show-off Leighann over here), then please send it to me here! It can be 100% anonymous if you like - just don't fill out the name & email field - it will STILL send if those aren't filled, yo!

Unfastened Friday 1.0

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