Apr 7, 2011

My Inner Self

Over the years I have had random thoughts and hypothetical conversations with various people about what would I be like if I was born a man - never with any concrete conclusions though - since they usually took place whist extremely intoxicated. Finally, I want to settle this question once and for all.

Since I was little, I have always struggled with my femininity. It's completely different for girls that claim to be "tomboys" when they've got pretty curves underneath their overalls, it really is. I have an athletic build; my father's build – he was a hockey player. There's no curves; I'm a solid fucking brick. I often heard, "Oh sweety, if only you were a boy, it would have been easier for you."

Yeah. Thanks for that!

Humm... if I wasn't good at being girlie, did that mean maybe I was a lesbian? So I went and got me some of that.


Don't get me wrong. It was completely erotic and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I experimented about a half dozen times in total (after all, I DID go to Art School), but every time, something felt weird - like I was missing the grand finale jack-hammering male penetration at the end.

Yes. I love men.

So, just like I've known many men that claimed to be a "lesbian trapped in a man's body", perhaps I am a homosexual trapped in a woman's body. But I'm still lacking in the femininity department, so I couldn't live up to the stereotypical gay guy that is light on his feet and had been trying on his mother's heels since he was 5. I am so NOT Chris Colfer!

I'd have to be the butch guy, most definitely. 

I make dirty jokes that have actually made grown men gag, true story. I don't wear heels. I like it rough, tough and unshaven but not ridiculously built either; I prefer a little cushion for the pushin'. I don't like muscle freaks, nor do I have the dedication to achieve that physique anyway. I'm lazy.

So, yes - obviously I wasn't born a man, but I finally figured out who is inside me - Guillermo Díaz, that's who!

I'm like one of those aliens from "V" - except under my alluring female skin, there exists a cool, butch Latino man that loves other men.

I'm OK with that; just don't tell my husband. He'd much prefer if I had Keira Knightley inside me.

Perhaps; I just might have eaten her for lunch.


  1. I used to think it was a great injustice to not be born male. As I grow into my skin (it seems to take forever!) I find more inspiration from the female sex and their rainbow of traits and personality. To me, men are like photographs and we are like paintings... our beauty begs to be studied while theirs is meant to be simply recorded. Have a good day Lady.

  2. @Heidi Ho
    That's a great analogy, I love it :) x

  3. If I'm a homosexual in a girl's body, I'm a 12 year old boy. Awkward, laughs at fart jokes, giggles nervously in intimate situations... yeah, I'm definitely a homosexual 12 year old boy.

  4. Hey, it could be worse. You could be harboring an inner Danny Devito
    I'm sure it's tough to be a woman (for one thing, there's that whole sex with men thing. Ewwwww). But, you never have to worry about a boner at the chalkboard when Sister Caligula calls you up to diagram a sentence and you were daydreaming about Pam from science class.

  5. LMFAO very interesting story, why didn't I find you earlier? I'll surely be a more religious reader overhere.

  6. That was hot, in it's own special way.

  7. I am exceptionally girly - always have been. But at the moment I don't really care for sex. Which leads me to believe that there's most definitely something wrong with me... What is that? Asexual? I am definitely strictly dickly when I do want sex - but it bothers me that I just don't even care about it right now. I think I need a sex therapist..

  8. maybe your repressing a past life?

    I've wondered what it's like to be a man...during sex. Had this very wierd conversation with Mike about it. "Honey, wouldn't you want to switch places just for an hour to see what it's like?" LOL!! that would be a TRIP!

  9. @Jill
    HA! Yeah, you could be on to something there with the whole 'past life' thing.

    I had a good male friend that once asked me to go into as much graphic detail as possible on what it was like to experience a period, but that's about it for the gender-swapping experiences. We used to pop each other's back zits too - it was all good :) LOL

  10. VERY interesting!

    Well, being longtime bloggy friends, I have to say - although I would love you either way, I would never have pegged you as lesbian - girl, you DO love men. Blissfully, no doubt there. ;)

    But I'm sure you like chocolate as well. All women do... some like milk, some like semi-sweet, some like dark, some like white... etc etc.

    See where I'm going here?

  11. I am thoroughly aroused that you've compared yourself to the "V" aliens underneath the skin. I'm with you. I need the pounding...


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