Tat's what I'm talkin' about

As I walked by a late-teen-year-old girl at the movies last night that had the Elvish script from the Lord of the Rings tattooed around her neck, I thought to myself, "Wow, I don't think in over 300 posts I have discussed my thoughts on tattoos!" Well alright then, here it goes...

I lied, actually, that was the third thought that went through my head when I saw that girl. The first one was that her mother probably cried when she came home from the tattoo parlor. The second was, "Oh my god, she's going to regret that in a couple years. Think of her wedding photos... ugh!" I'm not saying that all tats look like shit in a wedding dress... because some look amazing, but a phrase written in a pretend language from a movie across your neck? Umm... no.

And I'm fairly certain it's not my advanced age talking either. I got my first tattoo at 16 (which I got with a forged photocopy of my passport. Ahem), but even then I knew that I wanted to get it in a place that could be hidden for important events, like interviews and *coughs* ...church. But it's true, and you know what? IT LOOKS LIKE MANGLED ROAD KILL NOW, so thank fuck no one except a select few can see it!

I wish my fairy godmother could have popped in for a visit to tell me, "Hell no! Don't do it - in the future you will have 14 pounds of twins which will fuck up your entire stomach."

But alas, she never came.

Look. That's cool if you're in a position where visible tattoos are not an issue, but at 16 or even 20, how many people can possibly know that? Unless you're already a millionaire rock star, not many. And that is the problem! Every teen wants to look like rock star and they aren't thinking about reality. AT ALL. You can get on the defensive all you want and say shit like, "If they won't hire me because of my tattoos, they fuck'em!" but that scrappy attitude ain't going to pay the bills or put food in your future children's mouths.

Ashley, a Reality TV blogger put it like this... young people seem to take the idea of getting a ginormous tattoo all over their body very lightly these days and that a lot of times, people don’t think about what those tattoos will look like when they get old. (Old as in 65, not 30!).

When I was 16, which was almost 20 years ago (holy fuck, yo!) tats were obviously still a "cool" thing to get but it was usually in the form of a little heart on your ass, or a butterfly on your ankle, etc, etc. They were TINY things. Even the design I got on my back when I was 19 (which was NOT called a tramp stamp back then ;) is only 4 inches in diameter but was considered a "big tattoo" at the time.

Now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I don't want to get my tats removed per se, but I do want them fixed, and I am still planning on getting at least one more that is quite a fair bit larger. But I have my career and I've had my kids, and I know what I want and why I want it - which are very sentimental reasons, none of which being: "Like, 'cause they're, like, super cute and I love their band? (insert gum smacks)".

I guess the bottom line is that I think the legal age for getting a tattoo without parental consent should be 25... (as it should be for marriage and joining the army too, in my opinion), so to prevent train wrecks like this:

Source: TheCount.com

Or this:

Source: HollywoodLife.com

Or maybe even this:

Source: Starcasm.net

Let's completely ignore the veiny heart or the cupcakes-as-letters that spell "Booko(?)", or the cursive text that does not adhere to the lined paper whatsofuckingever, and go up to "bullet proof" on her shoulder which I read as BUFFET PROOF.

Sweet.

I wish I was buffet proof too.