Was I popular in high school? I guess it depends on what is considered "popular". I was out-going, out-spoken, moderately entertaining, usually friendly and had my hands in a lot of different honey pots. So, did most people know my name? By that sense of the definition, yes.
But did I have a lot of people that I genuinely valued their company and friendship? No.
After the completion of high school, I was so glad to give the majority of the people I knew a big giant "FUCK YOU!" (Queue the creation of my living nightmare that is Facebook) But there was a small handful of friends that I loved, and apart from extenuating circumstances, I fiercely valued those friendships.
Then life happens.
We grow apart.
But you know what? Even with spouses, kids, real estate, eleventeen hundred projects on the go and mild nervous breakdowns, I still love my friends. I would do anything to help them, stand by them, and support them... if they let me, even if I did show up still unclasping my straight jacket. Whatevs, right?
The downward slope began about a year ago when phone messages and texts weren't responded to. HOW HARD IS IT TO REPLY TO A TEXT, SERIOUSLY? Gah.
Then an engagement. And bachelorette party. Then a "reception" (since the wedding was essentially an elopement). All with zero communication directly from the bride. Now, I've always known that we weren't BFFs or anything, but still close enough to expect some kind of acknowledgement that I exist. But no, nothing.
During a catch-up session I was having with my rock with a cock (who was never more to this girl than a close drinking acquaintance), he tells me about an e-vite THAT HE GOT for the "reception".
And here's the moment I felt like I got punched in the stomach and spit in the face by a "FRIEND" that I have loved for the most part of 20 years.
But now I have to move on. I have to let go. It's something I am truly terrible at - I will claw myself to the surface of a relationship until my last possible breath. Apparently, with this relationship? T'was about 18 months ago and I've been making myself sick over it for no reason.
And that's time I'll never get back. Sleep I'll never gain. Tears I'll never replenish.
And she most likely doesn't give the slightest ounce of fuck.
So here I am, standing at the edge of the proverbial ocean as I shoot the last bullet into our 'ship and let it sink to its grave, once and for all.
I wish her well in all that she does in life, but I'm done staying sad about being ignored and excluded by someone that clearly hasn't valued me for a very long time. I have more important things that I can be happy about instead.
And then there were three..