Another 'ship has sunk

Jul 9, 2012

Was I popular in high school? I guess it depends on what is considered "popular". I was out-going, out-spoken, moderately entertaining, usually friendly and had my hands in a lot of different honey pots. So, did most people know my name? By that sense of the definition, yes.

But did I have a lot of people that I genuinely valued their company and friendship? No.

After the completion of high school, I was so glad to give the majority of the people I knew a big giant "FUCK YOU!" (Queue the creation of my living nightmare that is Facebook) But there was a small handful of friends that I loved, and apart from extenuating circumstances, I fiercely valued those friendships.

Then life happens.

We grow apart.

But you know what? Even with spouses, kids, real estate, eleventeen hundred projects on the go and mild nervous breakdowns, I still love my friends. I would do anything to help them, stand by them, and support them... if they let me, even if I did show up still unclasping my straight jacket. Whatevs, right?

The downward slope began about a year ago when phone messages and texts weren't responded to. HOW HARD IS IT TO REPLY TO A TEXT, SERIOUSLY? Gah.

Then an engagement. And bachelorette party. Then a "reception" (since the wedding was essentially an elopement). All with zero communication directly from the bride. Now, I've always known that we weren't BFFs or anything, but still close enough to expect some kind of acknowledgement that I exist. But no, nothing.

During a catch-up session I was having with my rock with a cock (who was never more to this girl than a close drinking acquaintance), he tells me about an e-vite THAT HE GOT for the "reception".

And here's the moment I felt like I got punched in the stomach and spit in the face by a "FRIEND" that I have loved for the most part of 20 years.

But now I have to move on. I have to let go. It's something I am truly terrible at - I will claw myself to the surface of a relationship until my last possible breath. Apparently, with this relationship? T'was about 18 months ago and I've been making myself sick over it for no reason.

And that's time I'll never get back. Sleep I'll never gain. Tears I'll never replenish.

And she most likely doesn't give the slightest ounce of fuck.

So here I am, standing at the edge of the proverbial ocean as I shoot the last bullet into our 'ship and let it sink to its grave, once and for all.

I wish her well in all that she does in life, but I'm done staying sad about being ignored and excluded by someone that clearly hasn't valued me for a very long time. I have more important things that I can be happy about instead.

And then there were three..





14 comments:

  1. Fox in the City said...:

    I wish I could say it is totally her loss, which it totally is, but I completely understand what a piece of shit this has made you feel like. You are not a piece of shit . . . just so you know . . . you are a pretty damn amazing person!
    Jenn

  1. MommaBeThyName said...:

    I "broke up" with one of my oldest friends a few months ago. It was sad. But it needed to end. I understand.

  1. Ob la dee, ob la da, my friend.

    Besides, that's what us 'fake' friends on the internets are for! Virtual hugs aren't nearly as comforting, but they still work. *HUG*

  1. Karen said...:

    I have been in this situation a few times myself, and damn does it hurt. You know, you are fabulous though. If I lived closer to you, we would totally be BFF's b/c I just love you to pieces. You are an awesome, strong woman and someone that I would love to be more like someday. You deserve to grieve the loss of this friendship, but then move on sister. You deserve so much better.

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    Thanks, guys!! Your support means A LOT :) xx

    @MommaBeThyName

    Thanks! I had to "dump" one of my other old friends 2 years ago. I think this time I AM the one who got dumped... by means of exclusion and avoidance. Sucks.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    I hear ya sister. Even the 4 provinces that separate me from all the high school friends there are only a few that are able to keep in touch and it's still a rarity. It's frustrating and sometimes makes me not want to go home to visit. xoxox hugs!!! hope you had an amazing time in NYC!

  1. Leighannn said...:

    I've had this experience. It bites.
    Especially when it seems as though the other person doesn't even care.
    She's an asshole. You don't need that in your life.
    Xo

  1. Pish Posh said...:

    I know how this feels. It just hurts and is hard to understand. I'm right with you girl. You are right that it's just a waste to hold on to the hurt

  1. Fritter said...:

    Well, for what it's worth she's bat clap crazy.
    Who wouldn't want you as a friend obviously has some issues all her own.

    But it happens. Friendships die (you know this). I once read something about how they all have a time and a place and when there isn't a need for them in our lives anymore- the friendship just dies. It happened to me. I couldn't understand it. But oh well. Their loss.

  1. Angel Shrout said...:

    Oh I hate people like that. I am of the mind if I have something I have to say to you I say it, whether its hey fuck off I don't like you anymore or whatever. That is just wrong and I am sorry she did that to you.. you are better than that darling..

  1. handflapper said...:

    Ugh! I could have written this post RIGHT THIS MINUTE. People whom I've considered my friends for years didn't show for my son's wedding last weekend. Didn't even acknowledge the invite. And I'm trying not to lose any sleep over it. Hey, we still got each other, right?

  1. T. Roger Thomas said...:

    I say it's not worth thinking much about high school after it's over.

  1. Lady Estrogen said...:

    @TRT

    I think we go through a lot together during that time in our lives. If you have true friends that make it through that, I believe it's worth holding on to. Old friends are a rare thing, and they're worth it... as long as both sides are willing to put in the effort.

  1. EstrogenFan said...:

    I've also been known to make myself sick over this sorta thing. It's rough to deal with. Your current decision/approach is a good example of what I need to do.

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