Apr 5, 2012

An Ode to Twenty-Five

If I could go back to any age,
it wouldn't be any time during high school;
what a fucking awkward stage.

I also would not be a young girl.
I just agonized about everything
to the point where I would almost hurl.

Forever twenty-one is getting closer
But I wasn't quite taken seriously.
In fact, I was likely an obnoxious poser.

I wasn't overly impressed with thirty.
I spend the majority of it being unsatisfied,
bloated, chafed and dirty.

Of course, it's been down hill from there.
Getting jigglier by the minute
And Cheers! to watching me not care.

I cannot see myself choosing any older age.
The damage has already been done
And I've securely bottled up my rage.

So let me celebrate when all the stars aligned;
when I had barely a care
and my metabolism was kind.

Twenty-five's the year to watch.
I was finished with school
And my skin? Nay a blotch.

I could hold my booze
And, oh, what's that?
I don't give a shit. I'm taking a snooze.

Did I mention that at twenty-five
car insurance went down a lot?
Oh yes, and so did my boyfriend.

I know that stanza didn't rhyme,
but holy fuck, it was pretty funny.
Yes, twenty-five was truly my prime.

I travelled a lot and took birth control pills.
I didn't have a high interest mortgage,
Or stacks of overdue bills.

I had few responsibilities whatsoever.
And if I had the option
I'd likely be twenty-five forever.

Mama's Losin' It


  1. Visiting from Mama Kat's - thanks for the laugh! Have to agree, who'd want to be a teenager again? Mid-20s were pretty damn good for me, too.

  2. Excellent! That stanza was totally worth the un-rhyme.

  3. "and so did my boyfriend" gave me a laugh

  4. Kind of reminds me of what I tell people when they turn 21. When you turn 16 you can drive. When you turn 17 you can see R rated movies. When you turn 18 you can vote, or get drafted (your pick). When you turn 19 you can drink in some college bars. When you turn 20 you are no longer a teenager. When you turn 21 you can legally drink. After all these accomplishments, there is nothing to look forward to until you turn 25 when your insurance rates go down. And after that, there is nothing to look forward to until you turn 65 when you retire.

  5. I'd have picked 25 too...except that's when I married my drug-addled first husband (ick!) Take him out of the equation, and hell yeahs!

  6. @CaJoh

    YES!! I say the exact same thing... and, like, who wants to be 65, really?! Hahaha.

  7. 25 I was married and spineless. I'll take 28. Give me my prime, plus a few years of 'knowing better' than to be someone's bitch...

  8. 25 was great, my best year too I think.

    That didn't rhyme either, but now that I'm 37 I can barely see this stupid screen.

  9. Getting jigglier by the minute
    And Cheers! to watching me not care.----->AMEN to that, sister!!

  10. Way to go with that boyfriend of yours, I laughed while reading the rest of it, I wouldn't care if they didn't rhyme...

  11. Yes the metabolism of a twenty five year old would be great!

  12. that is hysterical. thanks for the laughs. :)

  13. Havent quite reached that 25 mark yet... so my choice would be for my senior year in high school. lol.

  14. Oh I loved 27.
    When I have to write or say my age I still automatically say 27 and then have to seriously think am I really the age I am?
    I can't be!!
    Oh... But I am.
    That's stupid.

  15. Hi there, found you at Comment Blogger, and liked the title of your blog, so here I am. So glad I stopped by because I LOVE your sense of humor! And I love that you are a mom but use this blog as YOUR place. You rock! I checked out your about page--and it's so funny. Will be stopping by for more of your crude humor.
    (Nice poem btw--I'd probably choose 25 too.)

  16. Yeah high school is not my fav time period

  17. @Projectwhitespace

    Awe, thank you! Always fantastic hearing nice things from new people. Welcome :)

  18. I never knew you were poetic! I wish I were as athletic as I was at 25. Then again, I wish I were as athletic as I was five years ago.

    At 25, I was young, stupid and had very few bills and responsibilities. My car was paid for and my house note was dirt cheap. (Sigh) Now I'm sad. Thanks a lot, Lady E!


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