California Dreaming

There are so many songs that make me think of important moments in my life, but two songs that hold a special place in my heart for pretty much identical reasons.

I've gone to California, Los Angeles more specifically, twice in my life and now ache to move there. When I went there the first time, I found myself lost in the beaches, the attitude, and the culture that was so desperately lacking in Wisconsin. I went with a now ex-boyfriend for a wedding and fell more in love that year. Only not with the boy I was with, but instead with a city that filled me with more energy and life than I've ever thought possible.

The second time was with a different guy, just to take a vacation. I remembered it all, but still felt like a kid in a candy store. The sights, the sounds, the smells - they all made me fall in love with the city all over again. Only this time, I fell even more in love with the boy I was with. On our first day in Santa Monica, the first day we had arrived in California, he proposed. We're now engaged to get married in Jamaica in April.

There's only one radio station I listened to there during each trip. I can't remember it for the life of me, but each visit was the same. There was a song I hadn't heard back in my hometown that seemed to be on every half hour. Luckily for me, they were songs that I liked and came to love and memorize before I left the state each time.

The first song was by Death Cab For Cutie. The song, I Will Posses Your Heart, seemed to have an intro longer than the song itself. While I'm sure it was written about another person, it echoed through my head as a calling for the the state, the city, and the beauty I would be leaving behind upon returning home. By the end of the trip, a part of my heart was left in the city, waiting for me to return to put it back together again.

When I returned, I felt whole again. I felt like I had found home. The second song spoke much less to me though, but left me with very fond memories. The song Kids by MGMT, played while we walked on the pier and while we walked through shopping districts. It played on a road trip down to San Diego and up the Pacific Coast Highway. And it played as we drove back to the airport, my head against the window, my heart separating again.

It's been over a year now and whenever one of those songs come on, if even for a moment, I feel whole again.


By Ashley @ After Nine to Five