Nov 30, 2011

Porn Is Great & Porn Is Good...Sorta

Today, please welcome another friend of the male persuasion (they sure love to make appearances on the Estro'hood, don't they? Yay!) Deacon Blue. Although I discuss a fair amount of S-E-X on AinE, I haven't really addressed the use of, or my opinion of, pornography. I love what Deacon has to say about it! Opinions, both agreeing or disagreeing are always welcome. Bring it on!

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I'm immensely in favor of gender equality and I put women every bit as high in my respect and esteem as any man, but there are two ways that certain members of the feminist camp (whether women or men) can piss me off immediately.

First, use the word “herstory” in any way that isn't ironic or in the context of something soaked extra long in estrogen and then tell me how sexist the word “history” is, even though the word comes from Latin and French roots and the “his” part has no connection to gender in the etymology of the word.

Second, tell me that porn is evil.

You might as well tell me athletic shoes are evil, because it's about the same thing. True at times, but not inherently true.

First, let me get some personal traits out of the way. I'm a feminist, progressive, Christian deacon who is largely pro-porn. I could throw a few other adjectives in there, I'm sure, but some of you might already be suffering from cognitive dissonance just from that.

Second, there was a sexual behaviors/attitudes study recently in which the investigators could not find a single man to participate who had NOT ever viewed porn. Considering how many hetero feminist women are able to find decent guys to be their partners, that's a pretty good indication that porn doesn't lead to sexual oppression or sexual assault. If it did, sexual assault would have gone through the roof as soon as the Internet became flooded with porn way back in the Web's early days. In fact, sexual assault numbers have gone down in the U.S. since 1992.

Is there porn that is evil, whether because of subject matter or the treatment of the people in it (especially the women) or the working conditions or other things? Sure.

But in general, working in porn is like any other job. If you enter it broken, weak, needy or disadvantaged, you may get taken advantage of. Desperate people in most areas of life tend to get screwed by the people with the money and the ability to hire them. Most of us don't worry about whether migrants or poorly educated folks or whomever is abused in other industries, so I'm not sure why women are considered more frail, helpless and in need of protection against an industry they can choose to enter...or not.

Besides, before you talk about how much of porn might be the result of exploiting women (if you're so inclined), you need to realize two things. First, you don't know shit about MY porn and where I got it or whether it hurt anyone along the way, so you can't judge me. Second, you need to shut up about it unless you buy straight from local farms and have your clothes made by local tailors and grow a lot of your own food and don't ever drive or rely on anything that uses fossil fuels and don't go on the Internet and...

...because damn near everything we buy, everything we do and everything we enjoy as conveniences in our daily lives at some point came about by someone being exploited somewhere. Probably a lot of somebodies. In your own country or abroad.

Even if you're in the U.S. and say “I buy American!” realize that plenty of people are exploited and misused in factories and mills and shops in your own nation.

Thing is, porn isn't the problem, just like capitalism isn't the problem, social programs aren't the problem, and “those people” aren't the problem. The problem is that everywhere you look, you can find victims and victimizers. People who misuse or play any system for their own gain at the expense of others.

So, with porn, it's like anything else. If you buy it, buy it from companies that have strong reputations to maintain, and are less likely to abuse their most publicly visible workers. Buy stuff that showcases performers who seem to have some kind of autonomy and power (their own sites or product lines, etc.). Buy porn produced in part or in whole by the women themselves; often, amateur and semi-pro porn falls into this category. Buy porn that has kinks or fetishes that really speak to you—kinky stuff often focuses more on the kink or fetish and might have little or no sex in it at all. And so on.

Bottom line: I'm not saying porn can't be bad. But I don't like to demonize an entire industry simply because there are some weak people and bad apples. I just try to shop as responsibly as I can.


By Deacon Blue

www.holyhell.wordpress.com
@thedeaconblue on Twitter

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To me, porn is like chocolate. 1. You have to get the good stuff. 2. Have fun and enjoy it in moderation. 3. Gorging yourself on it could possibly make you a little sick. 


Thanks again, Deacon Blue



13 comments:

  1. I would never want to be with a man who does not watch porn! Sorry but that can unleash a lot of creativity! I enjoy porn whether with my husband or myself! Our bodies and desires are attracted and turned on whether we like it or not, in my opinion fighting nature is what is evil!

    Fellow porn lover..even got my rocks off today while hubby was at work watching porn!

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  2. I have had too much bad chocolate in my time. Please guide me to the good stuff.

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  3. Problems with porn:

    1. Porn provides sex education to any kid who can get alone-time on the internet. Probably why so many guys hanker after shaved pussies, anal sex and no emotion. Even as a guy it's fun to be objectified but give us a break and show some emotion.

    2. Following on from 1. Not enough kissing.

    Porn is like food. The fact that most people are chowing down on fast food burgers doesn't mean gourmet eateries don't exist. In the meantime folks have forgotten how to cook.

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  4. Never before have I seen an honest write up about porn. Very nicely done. :D

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  5. @Serge

    Right. I agree with you on those point too - I think that aside from under-age viewing, etc, etc... we're focusing on the 'right' way to use porn.

    I don't rely on it for guidance, nor do I NEED it to get off. Once and a while (maybe a few times a year, really) hubs and I will bring the laptop into the bedroom and have some fun. I think that's normal. Also, we understand the role of porn in our relationship, and its role as a whole.

    We are the 1%.

    Hahaha

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  6. I agree totally with Deacon, what Lady E has said above and Serge. Seriously if people just had some common sense about it and everything else for that matter porn and everything else wouldn't be an issue.

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  7. @ Lady Estrogen

    Loved your addendum at the end about chocolate. Great analogy.

    @ Mrs. Sherman

    Straight-ahead porn is good for working me up, but I admit the more kinky or theme-oriented stuff is what drives the creativity, esp. as the wife and I broaden our horizons in middle age

    @ Serge

    I would guide you to the good chocolate, but the problem is we all have different tastes. You might like milk chocolate with toffee bits and I might like 85% dark chocolate with cherries and chiles. ;-)

    I agree about kissing. But then again, I find the sexiest scenes in porn to be lip-oriented, and among the things that make me most hot would be two women kissing. It's one of the most beautiful things around IMHO.

    However, I have to contend (a little) your sex education point. I think there's some truth in it, but kids have always had ready access to incorrect and misleading information about sex, usually from peers and older youth/teens who think they know something or know someone who "did it." The medium has changed, and intensified somewhat, but the dynamic is the same.

    Shaved pubes probably has more to do with our obsession that our bodies never be natural (never smell even a little like sweat, douche your vagina, etc. ... it's all overblown and over-embraced by consumers)

    Also, with your fast food analogy, there IS gourmet porn out there. Believe it or not, some porn has plotting, characterization, dialogue and artistry.

    @ Zombie

    Thanks

    @ Jessica

    Sadly, as the saying goes, "common sense isn't all that common."

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  8. I can't always say "I buy American" when it comes to porn. I have a little bit of an asian thing going on...

    And I agree with this post. Porn, like a lot of things, is only as bad as you make it.

    Excellent post!

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  9. It's that Serge againWednesday, 30 November, 2011

    I forgot
    3. Not enough believable lady orgasms

    @DeaconBlue I do like my chocolate with a plot.

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  10. @ Lost.in.Idaho

    Always had a soft spot (or maybe not so soft) for Asian women, given that I grew up around so many in Silicon Valley.

    @ Serge

    Good point. Call me a picky, pretentious porn consumer, but nothing takes me out of the moment quite like a wholly fake, ridonkulous orgasm. Might also be a reason I like fem-on-fem so much onscreen...there isn't as much pressure to fake or rush the outcome.

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  11. I want to move to Canada and attend Deacon Blues church. :)

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  12. Wow, interesting point of view!

    You are right about 'bad' porn, and that's the stuff I have a problem with. It seems like so much out there is just flat out nasty and degrading. I know, it's all in the eye of the beholder, but geez, some of it is pretty bad. However, unlike some women (and men) I don't think ALL porn is degrading, or even most of it. Extremes in anything, porn, politics, religion, whatever, are going to make the most noise. Most everyone else falls somewhere in the middle.

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  13. When it comes to porn, just like everything else, I think that the key word here is moderation.

    Deacon Blue presented an interesting perspective on treating porn just like any other industry out there. What he said makes sense, and IF porn is really something you're really into, then I too would recommend what he's mentioned in this post regarding choosing the right ones.

    However, the sad thing about it, is that just like everything else (e.g. movie piracy), there's just no guarantee that people could exercise judgment in choosing which porn they watch. What comes to mind are the uneducated, underaged, or those in the lower socio-economic levels.

    To my knowledge, industries that treat their employees well, or where the workers have some sort of autonomy also come with a higher price (in the same way fake dvds are cheaper). So this is where it sort of becomes a gray area when it comes to porn. And we all know, exploitations tend to go hand-in-hand with cheaper costs, unfortunately.

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