Lady: There's nothing on TV tonight.
Husband: Wanna fuck?
L: Well, when you say it like that... Yeah!
He starts taking off his clothes right there.
Oh, you mean down here?
H: Yup. That OK?
L: (giggles) I guess.
I start taking off my clothes while he goes to lay down on the carpet, naked and staring at me like he's the cat that just ate the canary. I look down... full cock and barrel salute.
H: I'm ready.
L: I see that!
We start some rolling around and the carpet was getting a little scratchy. And the toy train that stabbed my ass didn't help.
Want to move to the couch?
H: Sure. Want me to kneel in front of you?
L: Sounds good. Is that OK?
H: Can you shimmy your ass a bit further forward on the couch?
L: How's that?
My ass is 2/3 off the couch and every muscle in my butt, arms and thighs are beginning to throb. I'm fucking out of shape, yo!
Now? There is a stabbing pain in my left ass cheek - cramp. CRAMP. CRAMP!
L: Oh my god. Oh my god. Owe! Ass cramp, hun!
H: I'm almost done, hold on! Hold on!
(Time lapse approximately 6 more frantic pumps)
Wow. That was terrible.
L: You really know how to talk sexy to a girl.
H: Ha! Sorry... it was awkward. I didn't like it.
L: Yes, your sperm seemed highly disappointed.
H: Bah. You know what I mean.
L: Yeah. So... you going to walk the dog?
He's re-dressing but I'm still on the couch, naked.
H: Yes. Did she crap at 5 o'clock?
L: Uh huh. She'll just need a pee before bed.
L: I'm going to go upstairs and finish myself. If you come back in time, you can help me.
H: Na. I'm good.