Anonymous, motherfucker!

I am branching out today and going to do a movie review, sort of - at least it's my version of a movie review that includes "environmental circumstances". To be honest, I cannot believe I have waited this long, since I'm such a movie geek freak fan.

Before the movie started, or rather, even before the lights dimmed and the previews began, I was on The Twitter. (Yeah, yeah, big fucking surprise... let's move on...) We chose the 3rd row from the back, and being polite, not directly in front of the two women in the row behind us; just off to their left. As soon as I unlock my phone, we hear very clearly, "Just my luck! I always sit behind SOMEONE that is on their phone during the movie. *tisk* Ugghhhh! I can't stand it!"

WHAT. THE. FUCK. was up her fucking ignorant ass? It's not like the movie was even close to starting! Fucking hell, I was furious, and yet, I did nor said nothing. Even my husband was annoyed with the obnoxious banter of these women, which says a lot, since he usually ignores everyone. They actually got up AND MOVED, but unfortunately, we could still hear their conversational vomit about really important shit, like analyzing the plot line of the latest Twilight installment. Fucking save us!

I usually try not to be a shallow person, but when I feel like her inside is ugly and annoying, I have no qualms in describing her appearance (however hyper-exaggerated it may be) to being likened to that of a fucking middle aged Northern Reflections donkey whore.

Donkey whore (a.k.a. Douche muppet)

OK. On to the movie.

Anonymous is the latest to jump on the Queen Elizabeth I bandwagon of possible angles of her life, and although the actors and performances in its predecessors were impressive, this plot line is by far the most interesting interpretation. The Virgin Queen? Not this time. 

It is a period drama, and despite the occasional humorous dialogue and action scenes, my husband did nod off a few times, but I loved it. I think Rhys Ifans finally got a good leading role to sink his teeth into. It was great to see Vanessa Redgrave and Joely Richardson both play the Queen as well; perhaps not as stellar as Helen Mirren or Cate Blanchett, but impressive nevertheless. Sebastian Armesto played an impressive role as the playwright Ben Johnson, although there were many times that I just thought he was the lesser paid version of Orlando Bloom... I mean... is he really even that busy these days?

Two other things slightly plagued me throughout the film.

1. Helen Baxendale played Rhys Ifans' wife (who was previously Emily on Friends) and every time she took a nostril-flared snit, I wanted her to say, "Ross! My name isn't Rachel; it's Emily!" and...

2. David Thewlis (previously rocked Lupin in the Harry Potter saga) played William Cecil, the biggest fucking sneaky asshole. Every time he did something horrible, I thought, "Lupin! Why you gotta be like that?!"

Apart from that, I thought the story as a whole was very well done. I will heed this warning - it does have a pretty huge twist; one that will greatly impact my viewing perspective and enjoyment, particularly of the sex scenes when I eventually watch it again, but I say no more. Ahem.

As for the douche muppets behind us? I dreamed last night that I turned around and kicked her ass. After my victory, I leaned over her and said, "Bitch? I'm soooo going to blog about you." 

And now I have. 

The end.