Portable, disposable penises - Yes, please!

I was shopping at an outdoors'y store the other day (looking for a fanny pack, as ya do) and nestled right between the travel eye masks and the reading lights, I found unexpected gold.

I remember a while ago finding a similar contraption to this, but they are bigger and kind of remind me of the stainless steel ice scoopers that I used during my bartending days -- not exactly something you'd want to carry around in your over-sized purse unless it really is the ice scooper that you're stealing from the bar. Amirite?

They do have a very nice website, though.
http://www.go-girl.com/

Anyhow, my initial reaction to these products are always giggley and immature. I mean, the function of them is quite silly, BUT then my ever-existing phobia of public toilets kicks in, and I think it's an amazing concept. The further away my ass can be from where some other stranger's dirty ass has been, the fucking better!

I know I'm a bit of a different beat when it comes to my toilet logic, because it's not "germs" per se that make me squirmy (I actually don't give a crap about germs), it's the human filth; even my own filth. Anyone in public health has my utter respect, because I just can't go there. Ever. This is another reason why the "GoGirl" and other reusable devices like the Diva Cup are things I have a hard time with, even though I know they're better for the environment as well as my body . . . blardy bargh blar. And let's face it, not everywhere has a working sink or clean water, so the thought of not being able to properly clean off said reusable device terrifies me beyond anything that could gross me out from the old fashioned alternative.

That's yet another reason why this "new" disposable (yet biodegradable, so that's at least something) product tweaked my interest. Perhaps some day soon, when I can actually SEE my vagina again, I might entertain the idea of trying out one of these little P-Mates -- on a plane comes to mind for sure, because BARF-GAG-WRETCH.

So what?! We still cannot know what it's like to jerk ourselves off just yet, but this is a good start in the right direction to conquering penis envy, for sure.

Phalli for everyone!

I was minding my own business, partaking in my latest addiction which is the Etsy phenomenon, (I know Brandon feels my pain on this front.) when I came across this necklace. It's made of two of my favorite materials - Sterling silver and coral - but this one? This one just didn't look quite right...

I couldn't see myself wearing an infected, detached penis around my neck, even if it was hand-crafted and hypo-allergenic (although I might argue that last feature). I would hypothesize that the jeweler was perhaps oblivious to its rather obvious phallic reference, but it got me thinking:

HOW ELSE CAN I WASTE MORE TIME AND SEE WHAT ELSE IS ON ETSY THAT CATERS TO THE MALE'S MIGHTY SWORD? 

Oh! Here we go! I whittled it down into a super classy top ten for everyone. 

You're most welcome.

9. Penis pouch:

8. Crocheted Willypillies:

7. Penis soap:

6. Tiny Penis Bottle:

I had to include the listing info for this one...

"It's just a little prick."

5. Flying Penis:

4. Genital Earrings:

3. The Lovers:

2. Cunt necklace:

OK. So there is no phallus in this, but I loved the description so much...

It may be a bit on the bliggin' ghetto side, but it's kinda me... RIGHT?

But thee best - the one that stole my heart...

1. Black penis ring:

I cannot WAIT until hubs comes home and sees a black cock in me on me.

Totally.