Easter is a Blast'phemous

I don't feel like Christians are self-deprecating enough, so I thought I would take it upon myself to level the playing field. Here's the thing you may (or may not) need to know about me - and that's although I do not go to Church, and I "apparently" partake in many less-than-God-like activities (however, I'm a firm believer that if he didn't want us to feel that good, he wouldn't have built us this way, but I digress.) I do, in fact, believe in God and that there was such a man as Jesus. I'm not afraid of what will happen to me for saying dumb things about him - I believe he's got a wicked sense of humor... I mean, just look at the platypus.*

I have always been good at history and mythology and after one full year of going to Church, I had learned all the stories down to the letter, so when it started over again, I was like, "Whoa. What's this... RE-RUNS?!" And it really annoyed me that the priest had to use a book to read from when I could recite it. Every year after just continually re-affirmed my boredom. Dude! I've heard this one!

I should also mention the whole hypocrisy of organized religion and the disgusting and ignorant things that are carried out 'in the name of religion', but that's a whole different beast. Just watch Dogma, really - and I'll put my giant ditto quotes around the entire underlying message of that movie.

Aaaaaanyhow, after a few of my special Holy Week tweets, I received this:

Really? I have no idea how someone could POSSIBLY make that assumption...

And it's totally true. Not only did my vibrator completely break (I do have back-up but if it were equally as efficient as my main one, it wouldn't be 'just' the back-up, now would it?) BUT ALSO, we spent 3 1/2 hours in the hospital on Easter Sunday getting a staple put in my son's head. 

I know there's some ironic comparison between getting stapled and the fact that it's Easter, but I'm so fucking tired that I'm hoping that merely suggesting it is sufficient enough.  

Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrry, Jesus.

I realize it's not easy being holey. 

I mean holy.

Amen, bitches!

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* totally stole that from Kevin Smith. Whatever.