Feb 9, 2011

Jane Stole My Addiction

I had been recently put on parental parole a month after my shoplifting incident when I had taken a shine to an older guy at school... much older (at least for high school) and he had decided to return my advances; I was 14 and he was 18. At the time, it didn't seem weird at all, but now that I think of the fact that he was attracted to a 14 year old is a little creepy. I should mention that 14 is the legal age of consent in Canada (at least it was when I was 14; it might be 16 now) so really, if there was grass on the playing field, you were good to go... but it doesn't make it any less icky.

He was the resident comedian at our school; everyone knew him and I loved that. He had come over to my place a few times and since I wasn't allowed to take boys up my bedroom, we went into the basement. The logic to that alluded me, since we participated in the same activities regardless of our location, and both were away from my parents' supervision; it was just a matter of whether we did it on my bed or on the basement rug. I guess it's the whole 'stigma' of letting a boy go up to your daughter's bedroom. So, the basement rug it was.

We would go downstairs and fool around. The most we ever did was oral sex, but it was fantastic; he had a rather long tongue. The best time I can clearly remember was when he grabbed me by my hips and had me straddle his face. He was reaching so high up and wriggling around that I think I felt him tongue the bottom of my rib cage! It was hard to keep quiet so I had turned the radio on to cover up my moans and Jane's Addiction's Been Caught Stealing was playing. Even in the midst of my present position, I appreciated the irony and I had to smile.

A few days later, he wanted to take me out to a movie but there was no way my parents were going to let me drive in his car; he could come over, but that was it! Of course, I defied this rule as well and we went out after school one afternoon... and his car wouldn't fucking start when it was time for him to take me home. Ahhh! I was stressing in the parking lot! It had barely been 6 weeks since I had been arrested and if I got busted for this I was certain they would be sending me to a convent or something; I lost my cool and was crying, hard. I'm sure it was at that moment that he realized the age difference between us. Although we remained friendly and flirty at school, he never asked me out again.

To this day, I can't listen to that song without thinking of that time in my life since I had, in fact, been caught stealing,
and on top of that,
On his face, I sat,
with his tongue up my twat.
It's just as simple as that.

Sing along with me people!


  1. Is it wrong that I started salivating in places that you can't see unless I'm in the shower? Dammit this was a juicy ass story! Glad to see I'm not the only one who fooled around on a rug when I was a teen! ...too bad my rug was in a hot sweaty Texan Garage!!! ...sweat out my good perm!

  2. are your kids boys or girls? because as the mom of a girl who's rapidly approaching puberty, this stuff scares the crap out of me now. i was a naughty, sneaky girl when i was younger, and i so hope my own kid won't make the same moves i did back then.

  3. Wow, that was hot. I loved that you laughed when you heard the song. I was like you in a way. My fiance is 3 years older than me and we met back when I was 15. I don't have any songs that were ironic while we did naughty things other than the ones we put on before hand :o) but this one time, we did do it while a cartoon was playing on tv. It was chowder and he said "I AM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND" lmao. that was funny because at the time we weren't together.

  4. When I was 16 I was going out with a 20 year old. Had this been my daughter I probably would have been nuts about it. It's amazing what we'll do as kids and think how odd it seems now.

    Of course there's a big difference between 14 and 16. 18 and 14 seems wrong to me, but I wasn't there so I can't say. Do I sound old to you now? LMAO!!! :)

  5. I tried the basement, too. Parents need to realize that we'll find another way. ;]

  6. Oh shit, we have 2 daughters still living at home and this scares the hell out of me. LOL
    We have bedrooms upstairs AND a basement. You better believe NOONE is going to either....EVER!!!

    We had the same rule while I was growing up and I used the same method as you....Basement floor!

    Were you ever afraid that by turning up the music so your parents couldn't hear you moaning, that you would not be able to hear anyone coming down the stairs? hahaha


  7. My parents had some pretty funny rules when I was growing up, too...if the guy's car was junky, I was good to go. If the guy had a nice car, no way was I allowed to ride in it. Figure that one out!

  8. You are SO brave to blog about your early sex life.

    You crack me up every time too!!

  9. Love it and your poetry at the end. I also got caught stealing (hairspray I think it was) at 14 and subsequently grounded, sadly my mother didn't allow boys around during my detainment so here's where the similarity ends...

  10. Hahaha! Loves it!

    What is it with teenagers and basements anyway? I've done my share of dirt in them....and now as a mother of a teenage daughter...I am so glad we don't have a basement!

    Love Janes Addiction!

  11. For a moment there, while reading your blog, I remembered who I was before kids :)

  12. The basement is such a fond memory of mine!! haha- isn't it crazy how music takes you right back to where you were instantly!

  13. I loved that song, and holy shit I love you... I. Just. Love. you.

  14. I love that song. My older brother had the CD and I would borrow it without asking when he wasn't home. It seemed true to the message of the song. Very rock n roll, I know.
    It'll be hard to listen to it now without thinking of your story ...

  15. This story made me realize that I totally missed out on the oral experience with this particular high school mate. I too wasn't allowed to bring him to my room and was only allowed to have him in the tv room which had a very wide open entry that my father used to spy on us. He caught us playing "tonsil hockey" and caught him feeling me up! HAHA! He sure did like them younger. Everytime my father and I drove past the local gas station where he worked, he referred to this guy as the guy I played tonsil hockey with, never remembered his name, just that he was the older guy taking advantage of his younger daughter in the tv room. That was the only time I had him over at my house. I should have dropped my pants instead and taken his tongue for a roundabout down there. xoxo

  16. Hahaha.. TOTALLY - Although being caught making out would have been WAY easier. Imagine if you dad caught him with his tongue up your clacka! Things could have been worse.

    I completely forgot you also were with this guy - but I'm a skank, so whereas you got the PG experience from this guy, I got the AA. LOL.

  17. Great story you naughty girl! At the risk of TMI, my man has a long tongue too and knows how to use it! I'm am VERY lucky. :-)


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