"Honey, check out the hot deals on the end cap shelf there."
Husband: "Ohh, ribbed for her pleasure. And on clearance! Sweet."
"For that price, we should probably buy them, ya know, to test them out."
H: "Yeah. That's totally the reason . . . for the greater good."
"Well, it might be a good idea anyway. With me not working, it'd be the absolute worst time for us to have an 'accident', ya know what I mean?"
H: "Fine. Good point. Very good point."
--- Later that evening ---
H: "Here. You can put it on."
"Awesome. I love when you talk dirty to me."
"Oh my god. I feel as if I haven't done this in a decade."
H: "Yep. It's been about that long!"
"I feel like a teenager!"
H: "Oh yeah. I always forget about your slutty high school years."
"This, as you're trying to get me to put a condom on your cock? I love you, baby."
H: "Uh huh."
"Ohh, I remembered to leave room at the tip!"
--- A couple minutes later ---
H: "Am I in?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ARE YOU IN? YES, YOU'RE IN."
H: "I can't feel anything."
"Anything? You're pounding just fine."
H: "Do you feel the ribbing?"
"Are you going to be able to finish if you can't feel it?"
H: "Oh yeah. I'm close."
"But you can't even feel anything? Life is tough for you, babe. Humm."
H: "Here I come!"
"Here's a tissue for that ribbed disappointment . . . where is it?"
H: "Ugh. I dunno."
"YOU'RE MEANT TO HOLD ON TO IT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW."
*I fished the condom out of my hoohaa*
"It was unsatisfying for both of us, kind of, and didn't even work as birth control?! Well that was fun."
"I want a do over. Soon."
*he reaches over and hands me my toy.*