"Honey, check out the hot deals on the end cap shelf there."
Husband: "Ohh, ribbed for her pleasure. And on clearance! Sweet."
"For that price, we should probably buy them, ya know, to test them out."
H: "Yeah. That's totally the reason . . . for the greater good."
"Well, it might be a good idea anyway. With me not working, it'd be the absolute worst time for us to have an 'accident', ya know what I mean?"
H: "Fine. Good point. Very good point."
--- Later that evening ---
H: "Here. You can put it on."
"Awesome. I love when you talk dirty to me."
"Oh my god. I feel as if I haven't done this in a decade."
H: "Yep. It's been about that long!"
"I feel like a teenager!"
H: "Oh yeah. I always forget about your slutty high school years."
"This, as you're trying to get me to put a condom on your cock? I love you, baby."
H: "Uh huh."
"Ohh, I remembered to leave room at the tip!"
--- A couple minutes later ---
H: "Am I in?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ARE YOU IN? YES, YOU'RE IN."
H: "I can't feel anything."
"Anything? You're pounding just fine."
H: "Do you feel the ribbing?"
"Are you going to be able to finish if you can't feel it?"
H: "Oh yeah. I'm close."
"But you can't even feel anything? Life is tough for you, babe. Humm."
H: "Here I come!"
"Here's a tissue for that ribbed disappointment . . . where is it?"
H: "Ugh. I dunno."
"YOU'RE MEANT TO HOLD ON TO IT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW."
*I fished the condom out of my hoohaa*
"It was unsatisfying for both of us, kind of, and didn't even work as birth control?! Well that was fun."
"I want a do over. Soon."
*he reaches over and hands me my toy.*
Wow, just yeah, I would have beat him with said toy.. you are gonna have to train him better. Mine knows if he gets off before me he don't hand me nothing he finishes what he started, even if he has to use the toys on me..ReplyDelete
Ugh! What a disappointment.ReplyDelete
I had something like that happen once. Only my ex husband didn't tell me it went missing. The next day I showered and went to work as usual. It fell out sometime before lunch. Surprise!ReplyDelete
DIDN'T TELL YOU?!ReplyDelete
I can see why he's your ex. Ahem.
In my next life, I want to be a man...ReplyDelete