Mar 20, 2013

Amurikan Food

I've been wanting to compile these since I got back, but I've been otherwise indisposed -- all will be made clear soon enough, I promise. Aside from the outrageous pro-gun, anti-abortion, anti-Obama billboards that accosted my eyes for the majority of the trip, there were some strange food-related things that I witnessed that I wanted to share . . . especially if you happened to miss them on The Twitter.
Seriously, Ernie. You might very well be dirty, but don't mention that in the title of your restaurant; just a thought, purely from a marketing perspective.
I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall for that family discussion: "Greek food!" "Porn!" "No, Greek food!" "How about both?" "Humm, okay."
This still confuses me, but apparently it's a Pennsylvania thing?
Ew. They should call them Squirrel Testicles, because if they were warm and mushy, it's kind of what I would think I'm eating. Peanuts are meant to be either crunchy or smooth as hell in a PP&J sandwich; there is no in between.
I would have thought when I said, "Hold the chives" that it was a hint to my waiter that I was NOT expecting marshmallows on my potato, but no. I still dry wretch when I think about it.

On a positive note, I did eat at an iHop for the first time during this trip. I had pancakes that were drizzled with the cinnamon filling AND the cream cheese icing from a Cinnabon roll. Are you freaking kidding me? It was goddamn divine. Myself and my newly formed triple chin thank you.

What foods in other countries (or your own) do you find awesome, bizarre, hilarious or just plain disgusting?


  1. I'm a vegan and my food choices would seem rather bizarre to a majority of the population, but as an American I still can't wrap my head around a restaurant called "Steak & Lube." Seriously. WTF? "Lube" should not be associated with dining in any way, shape or form. I've also never eaten at IHOP. I think my American citizenship should probably be revoked.

  2. No. Lube shouldn't ever, not ever be referring to food.

    And you not being to an iHop? I guess I'll allow it because your vegan, or else there would be no excuse!

  3. Ah the great American classic, stuffing a sweet potato with marshmallows. You know becasue nothing improves a sweet potato like a cheap, shitty artificial sugar and gum product!

    Still, we have them every thanksgiving. And I eat them. Because they are there. Yeah. So, maybe I am part of the problem?

  4. I finally watched The Lorax and laughed out loud when he tries to bribe all the forest animals with marshmallows. Silly American. LOL

  5. I think Prairie Oysters top the list of Canadian food that is both bizarre and disgusting.

    Good thing the deliciousness of poutine makes up for it. Mmmmmm poutine.....

  6. I agree with you on both counts.

    And how can something with fries, cheese & gravy be anything short of positively amazing?!

  7. If you want to save your arteries from hardening don't come to Texas. Every freaking thing down here is fried. That includes veggies. Otherwise everything is smothered in a gravy of some sort.

    Or you can become diabetic from all the carbs in the Tex-Mex food. Your choice.

  8. The Greek restaurant/porn shop did me in. That is just too awesome.

    And sweet potatoes with marshmallows? Did it taste as disgusting as it sounds?

    One of the weird ones I remember is someone giving me a slice of apple pie with cheddar cheese melted on top. Is it me, or is that weird?

  9. Quaker Steak and Lube-I've seen those joints in western Pennsylvania. Call me kooky, but I suspect the "lube" is beer. I really, really, REALLY hope it's not petroleum jelly which will help you pack your steak into... Oh, I hope it's beer.
    Anyway, I guess since the Amish hogged the shoo-fly pie and pig blintzes, the Quakers felt gypped and, so, co-opted steak.
    Which I hope you EAT with a mug of beer.

  10. Where did you go? Come to Austin. We have a food truck that sells nothing but doughnuts. Like super delicious, $4, gourmet doughnuts.

  11. My husband loves the boiled peanuts. I'm with you though they look too nasty for me to even want to try!

  12. American has the best food... sorta, kinda, sometimes... ok fine it's just weird.

  13. @Marianna

    Hmm, I never tried that, I don't think. Sounds like I would have remembered.

    I miss my Aussie Burger with "the lot" (fried egg & pineapple, hold the beetroot (ew)) so damn much. I drool just thinking about it.

  14. Here in Jersey we have a calzone place called Stuff Yer Face. I guess at least they're being up front about it. ;)

  15. Being in the UK we have some strange things:

    Black pudding - why oh why would anyone want to eat dried blood, fat and 'other fillers' wrapped up to look like a black sausage - sounds out and out disgusting and looks almost as bad.

    Tripe - Seriously, the stomach lining of a pig or cow bleached until it is white. Apparently much tastier with salt and vinegar!!!

    We can thank the Scottish for such delicacies as deep friend Mars Bars and haggis - a sheeps heart, liver and lungs mixed with onion, oatmeal, suet and spices.

    1. Oh yes. I lived in Stirling for 5 years and I LOVE ME SOME HAGGIS, NEEPS & TATTIES. But only from a restaurant; I'd never attempt to cook it myself.

      And I agree with the blood pudding & tripe -- for breakie, nevertheless. Ew.

      I also miss my donar kabob pizza from the local chip shop. It probably had 2000 calories per slice but it was divine.


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