10. Sky High. (Rotten tomato meter: 6.5/10)
Honestly, I have no excuse for this movie. It's like the cheesy Disney version of The X-Men but I love it hard; just looking at the movie poster makes me shake my head with shame. The only defending quality I can think of is that they cast Lynda Carter as Principal Powers, and that's fucking awesome.
9. Sister Act (1 & 2). (Rotten tomato meter for 1: 5.7/10, for 2: 3/10)
Goddamn you, Whoopi! I just cannot resist you funkifying all the old church tunes with your more-often-than-not off key "show girl" voice. (PS. If Whoopi Goldberg can pass as a Vegas show girl/headliner, than I'm gonna sign up for the next Victoria's Secret runway show.) Anyways, I wanted to spoon all those adorable supporting actress nuns. And I own both of the soundtracks too. Suck it!
8. Ever After. (Rotten tomato meter: 7.5/10)
I love Drew Barrymore, but by Christ, she was fucking awful in this -- and I barely care. Why? Two main reasons: A. Dougray Scott wears mantards the entire movie and is a proper piece of eye candy, and B. Melanie Lynskey plays one of the step-sisters. You likely know her best as bat shit crazy Rose on Two and a Half Men. Yes, her. She's super funny and lovely in this movie: "Of course not, Mother! I'm only here for the food."
7. National Treasure. (Rotten tomato meter: 5.3/10)
It's Disney doing action; they've got the formula down to a fine art and dammit, it reels me in every time. Even Nicolas Cage (whom my loathing for is only surpassed by one other, and I will get to him later down the list) and his dopey melodramatic epiphanies of problem solving genius don't bother me. It's exciting and I love phony historical action mysteries that are neatly tied into Hollywood bows, perhaps something I shouldn't be okay with, but I really am. It's like the Walmart version of Indiana Jones, and shit, I just love me a bargain!
6. Blast From The Past. (Rotten tomato meter: 6/10)
My husband told me I'd have to put at least ONE Brendan Fraser movie on this list and I had to choose this one. I knew it was going to be fabulously gag-worthy when the main characters are revealed as Adam and Eve, I mean . . . really? However, I think my love for this movie is similar to Sister Act - the supporting actors fucking rock. Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek and Dave Foley? Just fantastic. Alicia Silverstone plays pretty much the exact same character as her Clueless's Cher, which is the role she was born to play. I would have put Clueless on this list, but then again, WHO DOESN'T LOVE CLUELESS?
And now I just thought of Brittany Murphy and I'm sad . . .
OK, back to the countdown!
5. Save the Last Dance. (Rotten tomato meter: 5.5/10)
Awe, shit. I'm not even allowed to watch this movie while my husband is in the house; anywhere on the property, actually. I still think it's because he's never gotten over the fact that I've had my ebony and ivory phase, but whatever - he shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know the truth. HA! I ate up the whole "I'm a ballerina but I have to go live in the 'hood because my mom's dead because of me because I'm a spoiled brat" thing with a giant shovel. And Sean Patrick Thomas? Mmm mmm mmm. (Ssshhhhhh.)
4. Just Friends. (Rotten tomato meter: 5.2/10)
I am a massive Ryan Reynolds fan, and I have been since his Van Wilder days. Me and my
3. Constantine. (Rotten tomato meter: 5.5/10)
Fuck you, Keanu Reeves. I hate you so much! But apparently, what I love even more than hating Keanu is freaky religious Apocalyptic shit based on a comic book. I'd be slightly torn if I had to decide who's the better Satan, Peter Stormare in this movie or Viggo Mortensen in The Prophecy, but I might have to lean towards Peter - he's that fucking bad ass. As a warning, I'll admit that this movie drags in and out, and, umm, Keanu being Keanu, but the last 20 minutes are seriously hardcore and it blows my freaking mind.
2. Bring It On. (Rotten tomato meter: 6/10)
Sigh. Cheerleaders. Double Sigh . . . Awesome. Oh wow. Like totally freak me out, I mean right on! If this movie is on television, I must watch it. I think the husband secretly doesn't mind it either, because of, well, the cheerleaders. But I think the script is hilarious and cleaver -- not to mention that I'm a big Eliza Dushku fan. I might have even called my husband Eliza once or twice, but he didn't mind. Ahem.
1. BioDome. (Rotten tomato meter: 1.8/10)
Yup. It's one of my dirtiest secrets. And I enjoyed Son In-law too. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I can't even blame myself for clinging to nostalgic tastes from my youth on this one because I just watched it for the first time in years a few months ago and I still laughed my ass off. The scene when the get high on the nitrous oxide is extremely funny to me, along with many other parts that I adore for their utter ridiculousness. But, yes, I'm still kind of embarrassed, and it's one of the main reasons that prevents me from mocking someone who believes that Twilight has any cinematic integrity whatsoever, because . . . BioDome.
And I fucking love it.
"Dennis Hopper Blue Velvet. Oh I'm slutty! Oh I'm slutty!"
~ Bud Macintosh