Oct 8, 2012

Bay-bay. May-bay?

I have a confession. When I shop alone, I often go to the "family planning" section to parooze all the flavored lubes and massage oils that I can't afford. It's just something I like to do – maybe to keep myself in the loop, I don't know. Anyway, the other day I was in the shop doing what I do when I came across a product that I hadn't seen before. It's called Zestica and it's meant to help with fertility. The product itself wasn't what caught my eye (because seriously, I don't need fertility help) but it was the main product benefit that raised my eyebrow. See exhibit A that I found on their website:

Umm, yeah. So, sperm collection, eh? I thought that was done into a sterile plastic cup, or, hummm, I don't know... A VAGINA? Could you imagine walking into a fertility clinic with a knotted up used condom and saying, "Here ya go, Doc. I'd like to make a baby with what's in here." Eww.

The other issue I have is . . . why are they talking about condoms at all?

As far as I'm concerned (or maybe it's because I watch too much television), but there's only one other "logical" reason why this product would ever be used in conjunction with condoms, and it looks a little something like this... 

Yeah, that's what I thought.


  1. The Hell?? I can't even tell you how confused I am about those directions - that's got to be a typo, please tell me it's a typo..

  2. It's like the bad marketing Youngman Brown wrote recently. http://www.youngmanbrown.com/2012/10/anything-anywhere-anytime.html People are just stupid. Although, it makes life much more entertaining from my side. As a general statement, condom and fertility should not be used in the same sentence.

  3. We'll well you know the old saying, a happy sperm is a fertile sperm.

  4. Wow, that is confusing indeed. Although I think your handy dandy poster clarifies it well. Maybe it's if you want to have your boyfriend's baby instead of your husband's but bf doesn't want to play along?? Just thinking out loud here...

  5. @Random Girl

    Oh my god, I hope your deviously evil mind is only used for good. LMAO

  6. ...Honey, why is our baby black??

  7. YOU need to write to the company and tell them they missed a step: "Poke holes in the condom for added fertility." Life is really in the details.

    And baby gravy? I CANNOT believe I had not heard that one! Brava.


  8. Baby Gravy!!! Oh. My. God. Can't stop laughing...

  9. Or I could have my tubes untied and not tell my husband! Booya! ...ya ya you caught me on a "having my baby!" day, what can I say. Anyway, I think the world has gotten too complicated. I'm with you: poke a whole in the fricken condom, and be done with it.


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