Them's fightin' words, Jenny

Dear Jenny McCarthy, 

You have touched a nerve with me. If fact, you haven't just touched it - you have strung it out and plucked it like a bass guitar that just popped a string which then proceeded to poke me in the fucking eye. You told Howard Stern in this interview that your son still misses Jim Carrey and that you have tried numerous times to reach out to him. In addition to that statement, you added,

"...as a mother, you just hope when you have a relationship with someone, 

it has nothing to do with the child when you break up."¹

Here are the top five motherfucking issues I have with this situation.

1. That's really sad that your son misses Jim, but I really wished you had kept that shit private. Why? Because you're a celebrity, ya dumb fuck. You must have known that by saying that, it would cause a shit storm of negative press - mostly towards Jim. Telling the world that you have tried to reach out to him with no avail and making him look like a heartless douchebag is a sure fine way of improving your estranged relationship. Oh, and the final part about your son being in therapy because of the estrangement was really a nice cherry on top of that steaming pile of passive-aggressive dialogue.

2. I realize that there are two sides to this story and I will attempt to cover both sides, all of which still make you look like a cunt, but in any case... although Jim is not the child's biological father, he still was present during a very impressionable time in the boy's young life (which is certainly compacted by the child's Autism). It makes me really sad and angry that Jim wouldn't attempt to keep in touch with the boy, if for no other reason than because he "should" recognize that he was, in fact, a parental figure in his life for 5 years and that it's important to maintain some form of contact for the child's sake. And because you, Jenny, now made me disappointed in Jim, that makes you suck too.

If a psychologist perhaps suggested that a clean break would be better for all of you (which is also a possibility, we can only make assumptions at this point) than why are you even bringing this shit up? Kind of brings me back to my first point about keeping this a private matter, don't you think?

3. The quote (1) that I used in my intro actually made me want to kick you, Jenny, in the coccyx. Hard. If you actually think that break-ups with spouses (or partners or whathaveyou) doesn't affect the children involved, than you are dumber than I ever could have possibly imagined. Or, if you were somehow implying that your son was "THE REASON" that you and Jim broke up, here's a slow fucking clap for just subversively admitting that to the entire world. Mother of the Year for you.

4. From the wise words of Rod Tidwell, "You don't shoplift the pootie from a single mom!" But I want to revise that a bit by saying that you don't give away the pootie when your a single mom either - why? Because of the kids, especially if they happen to struggle with change!

My mother dated my step-father for 5 years and not once did he sleep over... until there was a rock on her finger. It wasn't a bargaining chip, it was because she needed to know he was committed to being a partner AND FATHER before he became a permanent presence in my life. I think that was pretty cool and responsible of my mother - and I'm sure it wasn't easy. In summary, everything you do (and who you do) affects your children. Be aware of that and accept the consequences when things don't work out - don't fucking moan about it years after the fact.

One Canadian comedian to another...

4b. How many ex-boyfriends will you expect to keep in contact with your son over the next few years? Not to mention his biological father. I would think after a while it might get confusing for the boy to keep track. I am in no way calling you a skank, but being the single mother of an Autistic son requires special considerations when introducing new men into yours and his life.

5. You are not a child that's been grounded by your parents; you're a grown woman that also happens to be very wealthy and with practically unlimited resources. If you really wanted your son to see Jim for the past TWO YEARS, you would have made it happen by now. Don't insult our intelligence and make us feel sorry for you when it's actions that always speak louder than words, my dear. You want your son to see Jim? Get on a fucking plane and ring the gawd damn doorbell.


Tumultuously yours,
Lady E


// End rant.


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I am over at In The Powder Room with a fun little quip about 
how stupid potty training is with twins... ya know... 
if you're into that kind of reading :) ENJOY!!


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1.  The Toronto Sun, Wednesday, June 06, 2012