In short, Mrs. Cleaver was full of shit. She was probably in the kitchen popping Prozac while cleaning up after the Sunday roast she so meticulously prepared as a result of her raging OCD. Just take a look at Bree Van de Kamp - unraveling at the seams of her panties, but her pearls have never hung more perfectly.
We are all a little messed up in our own special idiosyncratic ways. It's just a measure of how much of ourselves we admit to others and expose our vulnerabilities. That's what Twitter is for, right?
Anyways, here is what I think these women were REALLY thinking...
"I've been married 3 times and still never had an orgasm; this is why I drink."
"That shower is way better than him. Every time."
"I'm going to stick my head in the oven tonight. I mean, say 'Cheese!'"
"I hate vacuuming, like, seriously fucking hate it, motherfucker."
"I just gave him a blow job, not because I liked it, but because I'm bored."
"I'm so fucking horny that even this cactus is turning me on."
And I guess I shouldn't leave out this guy either:
"Sex with my wife makes me ill. I try to imagine she's Ben from next door."
And now I have the urge to watch gay porn and eat ice cream...
Ahahaha your captions made my night! Our issues and idiosyncracies are why we need good friends - and/or therapists.ReplyDelete
Sadly, I can totally relate to Connie.ReplyDelete
Funny... I enjoyed the commentary! Hopefully, your drama filled world will be less drama filled sooner rather than later!!!ReplyDelete
I want #4 on a coffee cup or like where-evah... hanging on a wall right above my crushed up vacuum cleaner ~lol
hahahha those are some great (probably very true) captions.ReplyDelete
First off, welcome to Crazytown . . . there is always room for more!ReplyDelete
Secondly, I think you are so right about pretty much everything in this post.
Thirdly, I am so sorry Sweaty, but your comment totally made me chortle, guffaw or some sort of laughing noise. Please forgive me!
Gay porn and ice cream? sounds like an epic night. lol.ReplyDelete
Thank you for the warm welcome!! It's much appreciated :)
And the more I think about it, I think Connie is probably Jerry's wife.
Wanna know why I love you?ReplyDelete
Cause you just wrote what I was thinking!
All of the women from our past generations felt the same way we do they just didn't talk about it.
Wow, I just watched an episode of Mad Men in 45 seconds.ReplyDelete
And this one was better!
This is great - now I want ice cream too...ReplyDelete
Fantastic!!!! My favorite is Audrey. I ALWAYS look so damn happy in pictures!ReplyDelete
This is pretty much the best post I've read today.ReplyDelete
Where's the fucking "firework/like/boom shalakalaka/thumbs up" button?!
lol...brilliant. that is all.ReplyDelete
Jeez, I think I must be Connie at the moment - damn pregnancy has turned me into a raging nympho!ReplyDelete
I think the 5th one should say, "I just gave him a blow job, not because I liked it, but because I didn't want to get all sticky."ReplyDelete
Sticky? Ewwww. hahahaha.ReplyDelete
Easy there. You and Sweaty need some cold showers. It's a CACTUS! LMAO
"I'm going to stick my head in the oven" Bahahahaha!ReplyDelete
I enjoyed all of the captions except the last one.ReplyDelete
Also, I'm sure there are better ways of trying to make friends over the internet than to point out flaws with the other person's writing. Yet, for some reason, I feel it necessary to point out that Prozac didn't come out until 1974 and Leave it to Beaver aired in the 50s and 60s.
Thanks! Next time I do a purely fictional and rhetorical joke, I'll check all my facts to make sure they're inaccurate first.
Also... Why didn't you like the last one? Are you uncomfortable with man-on-man love?
@LadyEstrogen.......bwaaahhhhh! thats exactly what I would have said.I actually got the impression that Roger loves the last caption, he's just being shyReplyDelete
**LMAO** This made my day XDReplyDelete
Lady E, I'll gladly be your *cough, cough* fact checker for ya! But first I have to take my Prozac. And go down on the Beav.ReplyDelete
Love your sense of humor!! XO
I can't believe I'm admitting this but seeing those huge, phallus shaped cactus has always been a huge turn on for me. And gay men vacuuming really gets me going. OK, I'll shut up now.ReplyDelete
Ben's not really that attractive.ReplyDelete
It is outrageous that something like this can be found funny (because it's true) in this day and age. I don't know why politicians can't give up on those tired old platforms like law & order or jobs and stand instead for more and better orgasms. Pick a partner, go home and don't come back to work until you've achieved complete integration with cosmic bliss. Don't worry, we'll pay the bills until you get it right. I'd vote for that candidate in a heartbeat, secure in the belief that this manifesto would lead to a substantially better life experience for everyone.ReplyDelete