Who's a Skor Whore? Me!

I did my very first recipe a few weeks ago and I have to say, it was pretty fun -- likely because I suck at cooking most things, but boy, oh boy, I can bake the fuck out of a boxed recipe!

This recipe is as easy as the first one, plus it's a great stress reliever! You'll see why.

I call this one, "Four Skor and 3 dress sizes ago."

You will need:
1 Betty Crocker Butter Pecan cake mix - Oh my God, I didn't even know that existed until I discovered this!
1 bag of SKOR minis (or SKOR bits, or 4 SKOR bars) - If these are hard to get in the USA, well . . . that sucks to be you. Come visit me in Canada and we'll work it out.
1 can of Sweetened Condensed Milk - I will add that my MIL insisted that it be Eagle Brand, I have no fucking idea why, but just thought I'd put that out there. Use another brand and tell me how it goes on the other side of the law, mmmk?
1 chopstick
1 mallet

Aside from these items, you'll need whatever the box tells you. Seriously, you know how this goes. Probably an egg, some oil and usually water or milk. Whatever.

1. Bake the Butter Pecan cake in a tin or something. I like the big flat ones but the circles would work too; it's not like it'll change its molecular structure or anything. **Using PAM or butter is a good idea unless it's a no-stick Teflon surface**

2. While it's baking, empty the SKOR minis into a giant freezer bag. HAMMER THOSE FUCKERS INTO TINY PIECES, like, not into oblivion but good sized little bits. A rubber mallet or meat tenderizer is good to use. Don't break your counter top whilst hammering in a fury. Try not to eat too many bits, but who are we kidding? They are so goddamn good.

3. Then, after the cake is done and while it's still hot, STAB THE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT OUT OF IT with the chopstick or something comparable.

Here's my attempt, but apparently, I could have stabbed it twice as more. Pssfftt. Everyone's a critic.

3. Pour about 2/3 of the sweetened condensed milk over the cake. Again, don't wait too long, do it while it's hot. You can put the entire can on it, if you like -- it' really a personal preference on how "gooey" you like your cakes. I found 2/3 was a good amount.

4. Immediately after you pour that crap over the cake, sprinkle all the SKOR bits you have left over the cake.

5. Calm the fuck down and try to let it cool for an hour or more. I know the smell is making your pupils dilate but if you wait a little while, the milk and chocolate will seep into all of the stab wounds and make it even that much more fabulous.

Enjoy this amazing meal dessert. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm a slave to anything with pumpkin, I would claim that this is better -- but since I am, I'm going to have to say it's a close tie.

Let me know how it goes if you try it!! I love seeing pics, even if they do look like roadkill. Ahem.

x

Scratch is for suckers!

This is the first time I've ever posted a recipe on this blog (or anywhere, ever) for one main reason - I fucking hate cooking. I pretty much suck at it, except for the odd dessert. Imagine that. Ahem.

I'm actually not bad at taking a mix or instant food and altering it into something fabulous. Whether or not that can be deemed an actually skill or not is probably open for debate. In what will be most likely a VERY rare event (and because I've made this particular dessert 3 times now) I am going to share it with you; I call it . . .

"Better than a blowjob pumpkin cake with butter cream that makes you scream"

The first thing you'll need straight away is one of these puppies . . .

Shameless? Most definitely.

As it says on the back of the box, you'll need:
3 eggs
2 tablespoons oil
And even though it says 1 1/3 cups water, ignore that shit and only use 1 cup.

Why, you ask? Don't ask questions, just do it!

You will also need:
1 cup canned pumpkin puree (Because really, like I'm going to get fresh pumpkin. Pssfft.)
2 teaspoons cinnamon (Plus a little extra for sprinklage on top of the icing.)
3 teaspoons nutmeg (I love nutmeg, but obviously you can use less if you didn't come out to play with the big kids.)
1/2 cup golden raisins (Raisins optional, although don't be a pussy and just add them, mmk?)

And of course, Duncan Hines Butter Cream Ready-Serve Icing.

1. Do all the shit it says on the back of the box. For real, I'm not re-typing it out.
2. Then add the pumpkin, spices and raisins.
3. Pour it into whatever tin you have available and follow the cooking times on the box.
4. Sit your ass down, watch TV and enjoy how your house gradually starts to smell seriously fucking awesome.

I feel you've pretty much got it from here, but anyway . . .

5. When it's done, let it cool down. Obviously.
6. Spread that butter creamy goodness all over the cake.
7. Eat the leftover icing straight from the container.
7. Sprinkle some cinnamon on top for a little pizzazz.
8. Stuff your face with way more than what's considered the recommended serving.

And there you have it!

Please let me know if it does, in fact, live up to its namesake and it gets you out of having to perform any oral favors. If it's anything like my house, the pumpkin will win. Every time.