I've been the landing target for those feral creatures.
Not once.
Not twice.
But on THREE separate occasions.
All three were shocking and disgusting in their own right, but the final time was at high school, during lunch break. The timing was less than convenient, to put it lightly.
I was walking along the sidewalk when something came at me, not from above, but horizontally. It hit the side of my face and brushed against my hair. I thought it was a rock.
Some dick smack just threw a rock at me! What the fuck?
It startled the living hell out of me. It probably didn't help that I was stoned as well. I looked around, ready to tear a strip off the guy (most likely a guy, I assumed) that almost took my eye out. Both my paranoia and adrenaline were spiking hard.
Then, my friend's facial expression recoiled in horror as she backed away from me, "Umm.. it wasn't a rock. You have shit all over your head!"
ACK!
How the fuck did a bird shit on me sideways? It was like a motherfucking dive bomb stealth attack. This bird dropped a curve ball -- of poop! How could they possibly have that much control over their bodily functions... and gravity, no less? It's just not natural. In fact, I'll take that sentiment one step further and say that Mother Nature can suck my tit! I say that pretty much every 28 days, but this time I am expressing it for an entirely different reason.
It was mortifying having to walk in to school with my hair and neck covered in shit splatter.
And I didn't receive any extraordinary luck.
Or get lucky.
It's just bullshit.
And birds are assholes.
The end.
