Lube Me Up, Buttercup!

Hoe-lee-shit. This marks my 400th post and never in a million years, if 399 posts ago you were to tell me that by this time I would be pregnant and testing lube . . . and at the same time . . . I'd call you a dirty fucking liar. But here I am, up the duff and getting my husband to spread heat-inducing lube all over my pleasure zones.

This is technically a sponsored post by Trojan, since I got all the lube for free, but, umm... FREE LUBE, PEOPLE. Plus, since it's my 400th post, I feel like celebrating and I'm giving away probably thee best prize package that I've EVER had on my site. Again, thanks to Trojan, because when I got their package in the mail, it was huge, first of all. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I opened it and it has not only 3 boxes of lube in it, but a purple sexy satin body wrap. I was impressed! Needless to say, I took one look at the robe and saw that it would likely wrap 1 of my thighs . . . maybe. But the kind gesture will not go unfulfilled, because it will also be a part of the fabulous lube inspired giveaway! Umm, yes!

Now, firstly, I need to admit that among all my weird and wonderful sexcapades, I've NEVER used lube before. It could be the fact that the mere mention of sex turns me on like a cool faucet on a hot summer's day; or it could be because I've always been too fucking cheap to spend $20 on these products, even though I've always been curious about them. If it's solely the later reason, I would like to go back and bitch slap that cheap ass woman and buy it. It's worth it. Every penny.

I tried out 2 of the 3 varieties I was sent, which seems to have done me more than enough favors, so I kept the 3rd bottle unopened to contribute towards the giveaway. I splooged out some "Arouses & Intensifies" while my hubs cracked into the "Tingly Warmth" lube. They are both slightly similar, but in the best way possible. What I mean is that I get warm when I'm aroused anyway, so they were both winners.

If you were a fly in the room, you would have heard things like, "Hey, I could probably get my whole hand up there with this lube!"

To which you also would have heard, "OIYE! Let's leave the fisting up to the professionals!" 

But seriously, it is quite effective as far as greasing up the runway goes. Hand jobs are also waaaay easier with lube. Just sayin'.

And yet, it's not actually "greasy" at all. I was impressed with how it didn't make me feel disgusting afterwards -- something that I guess I always assumed when thinking about lube.

My ultimate opinion about these products can be spelled out in one simple phrase: I climaxed during actual intercourse. I don't know about you, but the last time THAT happened for me was somewhere around 2011.

So, thank you, Trojan! 
(Which actually sounds a little weird when I say that since I'm pregnant, come to think of it . . . but whatever ;)

And since I'm in such a goddamn awesome mood, I'm also including a double bullet with dual remote control into the prize package, courtesy of Eden Fantasys.

Behold. All of this could be yours . . .

RIGHT? I'm pretty excited about this prize so I hope some of you are as well.
I'm also trying out Rafflecopter for this contest -- high tech shiz, I know. Please use it and enter so I can keep track of crap and be all official. YAHOO!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

It's like WOW!

As mentioned a while back, I was approached to do a review on a sex toy and seriously... HOW COULD I REFUSE THAT?! So, of course, I graciously accepted and I chose to get the WOW dual g-spot & clitoral massager by Ladygasm.com. Hubba, hubba!

The design was what first attracted me to this model. If it's one thing that turns me on, it's ergonomics. Mmmm, ergonomics. When I first opened my precious package of pending pleasure, I was impressed with how soft the silicone was, like SUPER soft. It's also nice and small - please enjoy my plus-sized hand modeling...

It is a very cool looking design, even if I do know exactly where it was taken from...

But I won't tell. Shhhh. 

I cannot resist mentioning some of the dumbass reviews that I read before I chose this one. One in particular ADMITS to having inserted it the wrong way and found it "uncomfortable and too big". Ummm, either this girl was a virgin that's never even been fingered properly or... (insert another excuse; I'm at a loss), because, well.. even the WRONG end ain't that big. Please view exhibit C on the left:

Also, why the frickity fuck would someone think to shove the part that has the controls up their cooch is extremely entertaining to me. 

Aaaaanyhow, the photo on the right shows a close-up side view to illustrate the cool little ridges that stimulate the g-spot and the pink pleasure horn¹. Ooooh! Honk, honk.  

It needs to be clarified that this is a vibrator, not a dildo. Perhaps that might be stating the obvious to most of you, but I truly think there are many that assume they are synonymous with each other and they are not - or at least, not always - and not in this case.

This is a vibrator or better yet, a simulator. It's not for ramming in and out of your glory hole like a fiend - that's what my other toy is for. Ahem. This WOW has 7 vibration modes and after some fun playing around, I've decided my favorite setting is Buz-Buz-Buzzzzzz. Buz-Buz-Buzzzzz (and so on and so forth). The vibration intensity is impressive and can definitely be felt both internally and externally. 

I have two wise insights that I would like to convey.

1. To the R&D department, although a superior product, I still would have liked the internal end to have a bit more backbone in it - like a pliable spine. It's almost too soft... like inserting a semi-flaccid mini penis. Once it is inside, it's perfectly fine, but that initial part was a little off putting.

2. To my lady people, this is a great little vibrator with some serious power. Also? Said power comes from a plug-in charger - NO BATTERIES, EVER. Win!

My professional bullshit suggestion is that this toy would be best used during foreplay or perhaps after a good solid pounding (whether it be with another or alone), then insert this little fire cracker and just sit back and watch the waves come crashing in - pun totally intended.

FOUR STARS.

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This is a sponsored post and I don't care who knows it, because... hello? FREE VIBRATOR.

USE CODE: estrogen for 20% OFF!

1. You better fucking believe that I submitted that to the Urban Dictionary. 
I need to expand my verbal portfolio over there - its current state is severely lacking.