The End of Days: A Preview

For the last few months, a Canadian national retailer has been dying a slow and seemingly painful death. The strange thing is that I've never even liked Zellers – their products and customer service sorely lacked in quality compared to their American competitors. I wish is wasn't the truth but that has been my experience.

FINALLY, it's the end of days for Zellers. Every week, the savings increase by 10% and the scavengers come flocking. Of course, I had to check it out every week – especially since I have twins, so buying everything in duplicate sure helps when it's 50-80% OFF. We got 2 new tricycles for $30 each. Score!

(I don't know this kid, but he was more than eager to pose for me.)

Then, I did something that I might not be overly proud of – I went to another Zellers and then another, and another to check out their spoils of a defeated retail war. My grandmother's obsessive shopping gene kicked in, which is my only line of defense at this time. I journeyed to one particularly close to The Big Smoke where the population is a lot more dense (in volume, not intelligence maybe), and this is what I found:

Which perhaps isn't too bad for those of you non-OCD people, but then I turned around and saw this:

Fuck that, yo!

People scrounging through merchandise on the floor. Throwing it, stepping on it, kicking items aside, treating it like it was a free-for-all! If this is what the Apocalypse (Zombie or otherwise) would look like, I just hope I go out quickly, because I have no patience for this fucking chaos. Not one bit. I love a good bargain as much as the next person, but if the shelves are in disarray and there's no civilized shopping to be had, please just put me out of my misery, because this made my heart hurt:

A world without organized, freshly re-stocked merchandise is not a world that I'd be interested in. Period.

And without further adieu. . .

Dear gods of Target,

Please hurry up and give this store a baptism of fire 
before you even think of moving in; just take my word for it.
Looking forward to being inside you!

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Lady E

Effective Marketing? Heck, yes!

It's often the little details in life that make us the most happy, and today was one of those days. 

Why? Because I found these in a hidden gem of a local shop. 

Yes, probably.

If I had one, I sure would!

Well, fuck. That just goes without saying.

OK. HOW AWESOME ARE THOSE? I know you can pick up 5 bottles of generic hand sanitizer for a buck, but my gawd, the packaging makes it almost worth the 400% mark-up. I am, however, a cheap ass motherfucker, so I didn't buy them. I thought my stealth photography was enough.

BUT I DID BUY THESE. 

I consider them a package deal - a crazy mental health package, if you may.

There's an "I'm savin' up for some therapy!" bank, a "Happy Mood" supplies box,

and the pièce de résistance? CHILL PILLS. These may just be the best ice cubes ever! 

Can you just imagine having these floating in your booze while you drink your worries away? 

Just me? Doubt it.

And that is why I'm giving this mental health package away! 

Leave your best idea to continue this hand sanitizer series in the comments.

Foxy over at Fox in the City is going to be my honorary co-judge, so it won't be entirely biased. Yay! 

I hope to get some good ones - and I'll use my deviant photoshoppin' skills to create the best ones.

Come on - I know you're thinking of one right now...