You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth

There's this crazy lady, you may know her by The Bearded Iris. Anyway, she contacted me a while back to see if I wanted to submit an essay for a collective book she was putting together and editing. It took a lot of effort but I actually managed to get off my arse and offer up one of the more personal stories about womanhood and motherhood (more specifically, my vagina) and about 30 seconds before the final deadline, I sent it in.

The reply I got back was a firm, "Oh, hell yes!"

**Insert a Napoleon Dynamite SSSWEEET.**

And after months of The Bearded One (a.k.a. Leslie) wasting away as she edited this fabulous book that consists of 39 essays/short stories by ladies of who I am honored to be listed along side every one of them.

Please check it out on Amazon and buy it in paperback or Kindle. We need lots of reviews so get reading, laughing . . . and maybe gagging a little . . . but in the best way possible, I promise!

GET IT IN YA!

Bitches be rude!

It's that time again where I've locked myself In The Powder Room stall so I can unload - and I'm not talking about my IBS, so don't worry. Please journey over there and perhaps even add some more "come back" ideas to my list of woulda coulda shoulda's to mine. I'm sure there's much, much more that could have been said.

Oh, yes... so much motherfucking more.

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I also wanted to share some of my breathtaking photography today. I posted on The Twitter a little while ago about this tree that flashes me its brown eye and rudely mocks me every time I walk by it. Ahem.

I guess because historically speaking, the act of "mooning" has been primarily dominated by men -- especially when kilts were in fashion, that I assumed it was a "he tree". I mean, have you seen Braveheart or even more recently, Brave? Oh, yes, there's an old Scottish man moon in Brave. Thank you, Disney.

Anyhow, I digress. Today, I finally took to exploring around the rest of this tree, which I have come to affectionately call Seymour Butts McTree, and guess what?!

Jane Seymour Butts McTree

He's a fucking she tree!

This tree is seriously exposed, yo! In light of this new information, I've had to amend her name to Jane Seymour Butts McTree.

And if you're wondering if I gave her hood a little tickle?

Hell yes, I did.
DON'T BE SO DISGUSTING; OF COURSE I DIDN'T.
I am not a Dendrophiliac.

Aaaaaaaaaahem.

Boobies, boobies... rah rah rah!

In honor of it being LGBT week, I wrote about the first time I experienced a same-sex couple and my reactions that followed. Please check it out - I am kinda proud of this one and shit...

Shhh. I don't say that often. It's much more fun mocking myself.

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Secondly, I was informed of an awesome charity with a bit of pizzazz. I know there's loads of Breast Cancer charities, but when I saw the wrist bands for this one, I laughed out loud... and then proceeded to buy four.

Also, I've got a weakness for cleaver branding and company names, like The Keep A Breast Foundation.
Oh my gawd. I love it!

As I've mentioned in the past that my mother is a breast cancer survivor, which makes up one half of the charities I support with my whole heart (ironically, the other half being Heart & Stroke, having lost my father to heart disease). That wasn't meant to be funny, it just came out that way. You get the idea.

But seriously, how cool are these? And really... who doesn't love motor boating?!

Also in this set? NICE JUGS, FUNBAGS and NICE MELONS.

If you want to support this charity in a fun way and wear something a little cheeky, you can buy them here.

Who knows, perhaps I'm the last person in North America to hear about this foundation, 

but I thought I'd share my excitement anyway. 

YAY FOR BOOBIES!