Aug 9, 2012

The Quick & the Dread

A BlogHer '12 Experience

It was an early Friday morning and since I had not been partying the night before, I was there really early. This turned out to be a blessing, since one of the only people there earlier than me was Alexandra. It was calm and lovely and exactly how I prefer to talk with people - especially a person I admire just so damn much. Breakfast was relatively civilized and divine, while also meeting A Lady in FranceMarinka, Two Busy, Avitable, SuniverseBuried With Kids and many others.

Then, the chaos happened. In my brain.

Very quickly, thousands of women began filtering into the conference hall and my brain began to short circuit. I don't know if it was my ADD shifting into super-sonic bat crap crazy mode, but I was hearing every single conversational humm, squeal and laugh. I was on over-stimulation meltdown.

I found myself wandering around looking for people for a big chunk of the time. Because I was only there for the one day, I really wanted to meet everyone that I have grown to love so much, whether through this blog and/or The Twitter. Perhaps I tried too hard to achieve my goal, but I'm a gawd damn over-achiever, so because of that, I felt quite rushed and anxious for a big part of the day. Crap.

If I introduced myself by my alias, people would ask me, "Ahh, but what's your REAL name?" Then, if I introduced myself by my real name, people would ask, "Huh?" So that was an interesting social experiment. Lady Estrogen won out, for sure :)

And there was lunch. 

Saying that lunch was impressive would be an understatement, since The Next Martha totally went above and beyond with an amazing centerpiece. She over-achieved the FUCK outta me! Ever the gracious hostess, darling. Apart from that, I also got to briefly chat with Ooph, The Bitchin WifeAnn Imig and Toy With Me (among others). Seriously, it's mostly a blur. I'm impressed that I have managed to remember this many people so far! Oooh, yeah... and Martha Stewart was FABULOUS. She really does have her perfectly groomed fingers into absolutely everything! I bow to her greatness.

Ahhh, yes. My special packages. After totally FREAKING out in New Jersey while I was stranded at a train station in 102 degree weather with 50 Lady Godiva chocolates in my suitcase, they miraculously all made it to BlogHer. I was so excited to give these to the wonderful ladies that I had met - it was the LEAST I could do to show my admiration to each and every one of you! I swear to god that I didn't have them with me when I saw Adam Avitable, so suck it! But I did have them when I got to ambush meet The Bearded Iris.

The "Sessions" were OK and although the premise behind them was great, the whole "Wait, you didn't sign up on this sheet first?" chaos was a bit intense. And it wasn't just me - there were a whole lotta newbie chickens bobbing around the corridors mumbling, "What the fuck's going on?" which was hilarious to watch and admittedly be a part of. Then I ditched and hung out with Suniverse, checked out some panels and we brought on the bitch, together. Wurd.

Then there were drinks.

Another personal highlight was just hanging out with The Animated Woman and chatting with booze being imbibed. Apart from gaining a true "IRL" friend, I also got this... which is by far the best swag I received:

My arms have never looked better! Snort. What is that I'm holding? That is the Trojan Pulse, which they were handing out like candy. Speaking of candy, did I mention MY package also had that too, because I'm a fucking marketing whore-slash-genius. Suck on THAT, Trojan!

I tried to stay for Listen to Your Mother "Open Mic" for a little while. After FINALLY meeting two of my heroes, Mama Kat and Scary Mommy, I couldn't stay much longer. There was no gong OR giant cane dragging people off stage if they went way (way, way) over their allotted 5 minutes. What the shit?! I wanted a gong; it needed a gong... at times.

And Sparklecorn happened.

Drinks being $13 a shot made having 8 drink tickets fan-fucking-tastic. Hello, New York City prices! The music was spot on - they soooo knew their target audience. It was like a high school dance party, but we didn't have to hid the alcohol in a flask down our pants. I finally got dance (to Vanilla Ice) with Mommy NaniBooboo. Whut, whut! And got some hugs from Michonblog, Tough Cookie MomThe818, and Whatnowandwhy. And by 1 o'clock in the morning, I was spent!

To wrap this shit up -- 

All in all, it was a cool but busy time; I will indeed be going back next year. My main goal at BlogHer 2012 wasn't to get help with technical issues or re-fuel my blogging engines -- it was to meet people, but I ended up spending too much time trying to find them and not enough actually meeting them. I have posted the few photos I managed to get on my Facebook page. Check those out!

Because I was so fucking lost half the time, I still have 4 of my special packages left! It seems a shame to not give them away! If you were at BlogHer '12 and didn't manage to find me (or even if you weren't there and really want one), leave me a comment and we'll work something out.

5 Things for BlogHer 2013 in Chicago...

1. I will sit my fat ass at a centrally located numbered table and drink for 3 STRAIGHT HOURS. I so want to meet everyone, but I don't have it in me to play cat & mouse again next year -- it stressed me out beyond these words.

2. I will save up and go for the ENTIRE conference.

3. I WILL BE ON A PANEL. (Or at least, I will attempt to be more motivated to follow through with my application to be on a panel, now that I know what they're all about.)

4. Since it will not be my first one, I vow to be more relaxed, more happy-go-lucky... and probably much more intoxicated.

5. I will be designing a "Sausage Queen of Chicago" special edition Blogher'13 t-shirt, because HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SO DAMN HILARIOUSLY AWESOME.

I'm going to shamelessly quote Avitable's blurb right now:
I know I left out a lot of people in this post, but that’s because of me, not you – don’t hesitate to chime in in the comments and give me hell for forgetting you!


  1. Chicago? I'm there.

    You have been warned.


  2. I want to go, how does it work?

  3. Loved meeting you!!!!! And seriously, love the special package idea!

    P.S. you met some serious big names (not me..) andit was your first time! Go, you!

  4. Wait Chicago isn't that far from me.. hmmmmmmm

  5. Chicago? Hell, that's practically my home field! I MUST go! Need a roommate??? EPIC!

  6. Brandon - BRING IT.

    Destiny - Sign up and just do it!

    Randon Girl - OMG, you need someone much more younger and exciting to bunk with. hahaha

  7. It was fantastic and you are beautiful.

    I too had some trouble finding people; it would have been good if there'd been a meeting place or even several numbered sofa spots near the plugs in the hallways.

    Thank-you for the gift my little genius! See you in Chicago!

  8. Hey Lady E!
    We did meet, briefly in a hallway, I loved your name, ran after you, and since my company makes a menopause relief product (among others) I had to say hello :) Special package, huh??
    See you for sure in Chi-town!!


    Debbie - Yes! In line for Sparklecorn :) No one was carrying around their swag bags by that time of night, so I gave up handing them out. Boo!

  10. sounds like you had a blast! But the pink bow- what happened to it? shoulda taken a pic! ;)

  11. You better be on a panel. Or I am not going....
    Thanks for the recap. What a great time.

  12. Totally bummed I didn't meet you. :-( maybe we can have our own panel next year. About sausage.

    Impressed that you met so many of the "big names!

  13. Sounds about right. Only I never made it to the parties. Loved the description of how it all went down.

  14. Arnebya - See? Exactly! Hahaha. At least you found me. There were many that I sadly missed!

  15. I wasn't there. Still loving on your package. Much more creative than business cards and what a fun piece of attention. Have fun in Chicago!

  16. They need to have cool crap like that where I live!! lol.

  17. I've heard of these lovely packages from several people. And I'm still heartbroken that, despite your attire, I was unable to find you. Please consider me for a package of joy. (I mean, I'm giving away the TriPhoria I got from Trojan at Baristakids because I know your package is better.)

  18. I'm a chicken, after hearing stories I think I might skip. I have never gone and it sounds way too overwhelming for a shy introvert like me, I thought I might go, my son lives in Chicago and we visit him every July but, well, I am a chicken, as much as I would love to meet the Bloggers I read, I can't seem to overcome my shy nature. I do love reading the stories and wish I had the guts to join in the fun, it does sound like fun!By the way, I would definitely had been one of those hopelessly lost wandering women, but no mumbling, I would be too scared to even mumble,that is if by some weird chance I had been there, LOL
    It totally sucks to be a shy introvert!

  19. Lucy - it's true that it can be a lot to take in. I'm technically an "extrovert" but when I'm by myself, it's still not overly comfortable. I think if I went with/stayed with someone, it would have been MUCH easier :)

  20. I think the thing that has made me the most bummed out that I wasn't there- in all reality was to meet you and the people that I really and truly enjoy like you. Alas, I also won't be able to make Chicago, or the next one.. so I am shooting for 2015. Just keep on buzzin though chick and I'll be at one some day.

  21. I wasn't there and I am new to all of this blogging stuff but would love a little vibrating buddy since I don't own one and too chicken to buy one!

  22. I'm all about a table where you sit and drink for 3 hours straight. Sounds like my kind of gig!
    I think that many people all in one spot would drive me insane, so drinking is probably the only way I'd survive.

    Wanna send me a pretty package?

  23. I wasn't there, but I promise to make excellent use of a special package if any are left. My doctor just took away my morning iced coffee, gotta find joy where I can.

  24. I'm jealous people got to take in your greatness! I wanna touch your package. ;)

  25. I so wish I could have gone. It sounds amazing.
    But you and I? We can see each other anytime! Yay us!

  26. You seriously made Friday awesome. Seriously. I was glad I could be part of your day.


  27. I want a 2013 t-shirt (even if I won't go, don't know yet) and I think you should consider "the dick balloon" you posted on Twitter to be the picture on that shirt.

  28. I totally HEART that toon swag by The Animated Woman! It is so perfectly YOU. Truly, meeting you, hugging on you, enduring the worst photoshoot ever by that poor clueless woman (bless her photographically challenged heart), can we say AWESOME?! You rock the casbah lady. The end.


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