May 7, 2012

The PYT that would never be

During my fourth year of University, I had to do the unthinkable -- I had to go backtrack and do a first year course. And not just any first year course, it was Introduction to Art. Fuck me. I didn't take it even in my first year because I was too much of a cocky bitch to take it, and since it wasn't a prerequisite for anything, I skipped it. Then, the graduation forms come 'round and SURPRISE, as it turns out, I did need it.

(To my guidance counselor, I give a huge retrospective middle finger! )
Anyway, I had to go to this soul sucking class for an entire year (at the same time as completing my honors for fine art, so... yeah). On the first day, I walked in to the massive lecture hall and I quickly noticed a Pretty Young Thing that was sitting with some friends, but the seat to his left was vacant.


My initial intuition was fairly good. He was charming, friendly, a natural smart ass, and had a wholesome, Victorian country town accent that worked like panty remover to me.

The only problem was that he was a little on the young side. OK, when I was 23 and he was 17 -- that is A LOT on the young side. I was just wrapping up my “crazy University years” while he was barely 48 hours into the beginning of his. Ugh. But once I decided I wanted that ass, I powered though it. I dedicated much time and effort pretending to be interested in his first year issues and how “fucking cool” it was being away from his parents for the first time. 

(Yeah, OK kiddo… just shut up and take off those pants.)

The worst was going out to celebrate his 18th birthday (the legal drinking age and a huge deal in Australia). Aside from him and myself, there was his twin brother (to whom he also shared a dorm room with) and a bunch of girls from his boarding house – most of which were under age. There were some girls that had JUST turned 17 and were giddy just by being at the bar and claiming to be tipsy from a pot of beer (1/2 pint), like I was living through the made-for-TV-movie nightmare of Hannah Montana coming of age -- without the cock cake.

All the while, I was imagining how much it would hurt if I stabbed my thigh with a fork… because it was THAT much fun listening to their conversations. Christ, I felt really fucking old, but apart from a couple brief lip-on-lip pecks, I hadn’t sealed the deal… so I endured. 

The next weekend was so fucking on – enough of this bullshit, it was time to bring in the closer. Just the two of us went out for some drinks, which was MUCH better. I didn’t notice quite an age/maturity difference when we were alone, since we did have a very similar sense of humor. The drunken kisses began late into the night and I thought, “Sweet fuck, here’s my chance!”, so I took charge and suggested we go to his dorm (my flat was a lot further away, but in hindsight probably would have been the smarter option). He agreed and off we went. Clothes were quickly removed and foreplay was underway when his brother walked in on us! 

I popped my head up from under the sheets, pleasantly sarcastic: “Hi Mark, bye Mark!” He did a bit of a flustered ‘oops shrug’ and off he went. As I turned back to Dave under the covers, one thing was painfully obvious… he was soft and had retreated so high up into his cave that only one of the fucking Seven Dwarfs could locate his cock at that point. 

Hi ho.
Hi ho. 
It’s off to work I go… 
And work I did for a short and awkward while, but he was done for the night. 

And so was I – for good. 

Fun sex shouldn’t have had to be THAT much effort… so we still sat together during that God forsaken class, but that was it. We never spoke about it again. I decided it would be much better if I pursued an older guy that wouldn’t take four months to decide whether or not he wanted to fuck me until I walked wrong.

And so I did.


  1. God I love you. Fantastic :)

  2. My brother would make me turtle as well.

    But I would have known to put a sock on the door.


  3. @Brandon

    YES!! THE SOCK (meaning the actual sock, not cuz he was uncircumcised and all)...

  4. Well you gotta figure a guy that age doesnt really know how to use his member. lol.

  5. Who doesn't utilize the sock or the tie or some form thereof? Ugh. Dorm sex...if you've been to college you know it. My roommate and I left our beds bunked and just called it being "rocked to sleep". We were as quiet as possible and just slept it off. I actually had a hard time sleeping when not being "rocked" never after I was the one rocking though. ;)

  6. Or a tie, a tie works too...or some freakin thing on the damned door!

  7. @Zombie

    Yeah, they don't really know what they're doing until AT LEAST 25. lol


    OMG. I could NEVER have done that - either being the one rocking OR being rocked! Eww. Hahaha

    I only was in that situation once when I was backpacking and I was on the top bunk when my friend came back to the hostel with a guy. I LEFT. Luckily, the bar was open late, so I spent it there.

  8. Hmm . . . am I the only one who had sex in a room with my roommate and didn't really worry about it? I am a whore.

  9. @Suniverse

    Na. Apparently, Jewels was a whore too :) LMAO

  10. Hahahaha!! Hi ho, hi ho.. You kill me!! And kudos to you cougar - rawr! ;)

  11. I feel your pain - about the bunked beds anyway. I was trapped on my lofted bed when a roommate brought a random home. It's not like I could have crawled down the ladder and left. I was just stuck there in my really bad porno. UH!


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